There was nothing I could say to this so I hugged him. I held on to the guy I’d decided to have a fling with but whom I liked. Really liked. Far more than was reasonable for the short amount of time we’d known one another.
For a while, we just lay there, and I lent him my strength.
“Why do you have Benjamin?” Bull asked finally.
“My sister is in jail for fraud. My dad, too.” The words fell out, and I snapped my mouth closed like I could take them back. “I don’t think either of them will be out for a long time. It’s just me and Benjamin, we’re all each other has.”
But for this, I got another kiss, and it burned me with its ferocity. I kissed him back, angry now, at his ex, at her ex, at Dad and Tabby and everyone who put themselves before those they should care for.
Bull fitted his thick body between my thighs and covered himself with yet another of our stash of condoms. He drove into me, hard, kissing me at the same time, fucking me like he could erase all our problems by sheer force of will. I came quickly, and he followed, crashing down on me, his brutal body owning mine.
Then sleep took me under. I might be safe with Bull for a little while, but the tables had turned, and he now sought solace in me. I wanted to give it. The trouble was, how much would this hurt when it came time to stop?
The snow didn’t let up. Overnight, it piled high outside the door and, at first light, we peered out into a silent world.
“My car’s buried.” I gazed at the lump that made up my parking space.
“I’ve got snow shoes. I can carry you home if we don’t see a plough in the next hour.” Bull wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck.
I gazed into the thick white drifts and shivered. “I bet you would as well.”
We’d slept in front of the fire—for the small amount of sleeping we’d done—but now, Bull took my hand and led me through the bar. From the back door, a short, covered path ran to another low building, and we stepped over piles of snow then entered his apartment.
It smelled of him. Oh God. I took a deep inhale and slipped past him to poke my head into his lounge.
Unashamedly curious, I took in his comfortable old couch next to a woodburning stove. A laptop sat on a coffee table made from a tree stump. There was no TV, but stacks of books teetered on shelves. Almost exactly what I’d pictured.
He appeared behind me. “You okay? You’re breathing heavy.”
“You have an addictive smell. I’m getting high off it.” I could say this now after the night we’d had.
Bull chuckled and gestured for me to go into the bathroom. He switched on a big shower then turned to me and undid my coat buttons. Underneath, his t-shirt fell to halfway down my thighs, leaving my legs bare above my boots and socks. The rest of my clothes were in my bag now dumped on the hall floor.
“It’s like unwrapping a Christmas present,” he said, his eyes gleaming as he lifted the hem, making me naked once more.
Steam rose around us.
We got dirty again before we got clean.
By the time we were done, the snow plough had cleared the road and, together, we got my car out of the drift, followed by Bull’s. Like before, he escorted me home and waited for me to go in safely.
Lena met me at the door and gave Bull a wave then dragged me in. Benjamin toddled over, and I scooped him up and bundled him in a hug.
“Ma,” he said, patting me and beaming. Then he blinked. “Tum Tum,” he corrected himself.
“That’s right. I’m your Autumn,” I said then tickled him.
“He saw a picture of Tabby on the news. It was a bit of a surprise, but he doesn’t seem bothered.”
“Tabby was on the news?” It was Christmas Eve. There was no way the courts would be open for hearing cases, was there?
“It was a recap on the big news stories of the year. Tabby’s pretty, you know? She’s newsworthy.”
“There wasn’t anything new on the case?”
Lena confirmed there wasn’t. Toting Benjamin on my hip, I got on with making breakfast—luckily, I was in time as it was my turn—and got on with the day. I wasn’t working tonight. Bull had some kind of special event booked, and the rota had already been full. I’d spend the whole day with my nephew and friends. Then tomorrow, we were all going to Lena’s parents’ home for Christmas Day.
Did Bull have plans? I wish I’d asked. After spending the night so close I could still feel his touch on my skin, it hadn’t felt necessary to make plans. We’d see each other soon, surely.
The next day, with careful driving, we made it through the snow to Lena’s in-laws for Christmas lunch. Waiting for us was a huge turkey, every vegetable known to man, and a happy, hearty family welcoming Benjamin and me into their fold. The farmhouse was warm, laughter in ready supply, and the traditions rich.
Mark’s mother introduced me to the dozen or so relatives there, but everyone seemed to already know my name. I’d never had a close family to experience a real Christmas meal with, but this had me big-eyed in wonder.
They’d even found Christmas crackers with jokes and silly hats to make us feel at home.
There was only one thing missing: Bull being there with me, finding a sprig of mistletoe to steal a chaste kiss, and to touch his knee to mine under the table.
He’d be at my side as we admired the elaborately decorated Christmas tree. Our hosts would chat with us, but his words would be all for me.
Sharing with him had felt good. It had also stopped my panic, enabling me to think deeper on what had happened to bring me here in the first place.
After the Christmas fruitcake had been demolished, I volunteered for kitchen duty to give myself a little headspace. I took a moment, while putting away the freshly washed dishes, to reflect on my past month.
The fear that had me running had been my sister telling me people were coming for us. Then we’d arrived home to find two men fleeing after ransacking the place. It had been clear we were in danger.
Yet, they hadn’t actually threatened us.
I removed a plate from the dishwasher and moved on to the next point. My sister was in prison for fraud and therefore fundamentally untrustworthy. A moment of clarity dawned. I’d run, taking everything for Benjamin that my sister had asked me to take.
Including a pack of papers which contained Benjamin’s birth certificate, and his birth announcement and first birthday cards that she’d begged me to make into a scrapbook for him.
The request had been a weird one coming from my unsentimental sister.
My phone was in my bag. I finished emptying the dishwasher and found Lena in the lounge, sitting at the edge of a noisy game of charades. In the centre of the room, Benjamin sat with Stephi and the other kids from the joined families. He’d settled in so well; suddenly I needed to make sure I did all I could before I wrecked this, the new happiness we’d found.
If I was going to have to run again, I needed to do it now, before our reliance on the wonderful world of Falls Ridge encompassed everything.
Lena got up at my beckoning and followed me into the hall.
“I’m going to try to speak to Tabby in the jail.” I took my bag from the closet and extracted my phone.
Lena’s eyes widened, and she took a breath then said exactly what I needed her to. “I’m here.”