I’m not sure when the panic attacks started, sometime after we came to FU. I’d had them before, growing up, but it wasn’t until we came here that they intensified, became stronger, harder, more gripping. I tried to play them off as nothing, but Colt knew. He’d witnessed them many times, saw how they drained me. How they suck all my energy, all my motivation.
He’s the only one who can bring me out of an attack.
He narrows his gaze on me, his eyes dropping from my face to the hand pressed in the center of my chest. I drop my fists to my sides and flash him a smile. Reassuring both him and me it’s nothing serious. I’m okay without him by my side for ten minutes.
Codependency is a real bitch.
The crease between his brows smooths out and he lifts his chin, a half-smile on his face as he acknowledges I’m okay.
Rome saunters over then and throws his arm around Colt’s shoulder, whispering something in his ear. Colt stiffens, his gaze locking on mine, his jaw tense. Rome follows his line of sight and perks up when his eyes catch mine. I try to slink back further into the shadows, but I hit a wall.
A lean wall. It’s warm, firm, yet soft. Hot breath floats across the back of my neck and I shiver.
“Hey.” The voice is low, a whisper in my ear but I recognize the husky tone.
Austin.
I step forward and turn side-on to face him, preferring him in my sight than lurking behind me.
“Hey.” I smile and feign innocence, still edging farther away. Colt wasn’t supposed to tell me about this bet with Rome. “Having a good night?”
It’s a friendly question, right? It’s not leading, not hinting at anything more. There’s no hidden meaning behind those words. Austin can’t read anything into them.
“I am now you’re here.” He leans against the wall beside me, propping himself up on his elbow and blocking my view of the party, of Colt. His jeans hug his muscular thighs, and his plain white t-shirt rides up, exposing his tanned defined abs.
I refrain from rolling my eyes. These are the moves everyone says Austin is famous for? My panties aren’t melting, and they sure as hell aren’t falling at my feet in a wet mess.
I lift my gaze and stare up into his eyes, his smile. It’s cute, the slight gap in his teeth, the dimple on his left cheek—my chastity belt springs another padlock, ensuring no one is getting in there. A good thing too with how my traitorous body reacted to Colt’s touch earlier.
Six months.
Piece of cake. These moves do nothing for me. The flirty smiles and cheesy words, while enthralling, mean nothing. To hold my interest for longer than a fleeting glance, a guy has to have substance, challenge me, make me laugh, talk to me, respect me. Earn. My. Trust.
Trust doesn’t come free.
I don’t hand it to everyone I meet. It’s too fragile, too important, too easy to lose, to break, to take for granted.
“Does that work?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“What?” He reaches out and pinches a tendril of my red hair between his fingers and twirls it.
“Stupid lines like that? ‘I am now you’re here. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Are you tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day?’” I mimic his voice and he throws his head back and laughs.
The sound is deep, throaty, and free.
“Honestly?”
I nod.
“I’ve never used them.”
“I don’t believe you.” I search his eyes, looking for any hint of a lie but I find none. Hmm. Maybe he’s telling the truth. It’s not wise to believe everything you hear, particularly gossip.
“It’s true.” He glances over his shoulder, and Rome hollers at him. Cheering him on, encouraging him to make a move.
I lean to the side so I can glance around Austin’s giant frame and get a glimpse of Colt. There’s a girl standing in front him, sipping on a fruity cocktail, touching his arm, pressing against him, but his eyes are on me, searching mine for reassurance, so I give him a small nod.
He relaxes for half a second and then turns a murderous gaze to Austin. Colt’s body stiffens and his jaw tightens. The message is clear even if Austin is facing me and not Colt. “Back off.”
I might regret it later, but Austin isn’t intimidating me or pressuring me or doing anything to scare me off. Yet.
“Sorry about him,” Austin says, jerking his thumb over his shoulder at Rome.
I shrug. It’s not like I haven’t been around the team at these sorts of parties before. Rome’s the instigator.
“There is a reason I came over here though, and it wasn’t to give you cheesy pickup lines.”
“Oh yeah?” I say, trying to keep calm but also planning my escape route should he crank up the douche-meter.
“To tell you, I heard about the bet between Rome and Colt.”
My mouth drops open. “And?”
“And, Rome can get fucked.”
“What?” I gasp, not expecting that response.
“He’s a dick, and I wanted to tell you I’m not trying to get in your pants. Not now. Not next week and sure as hell not in the next six months.”
My face falls, and my stomach is heavy. I swallow, but my throat is dry, and it hurts. His admission shouldn’t disappoint me, but it does. It’s stupid because I don’t want to sleep with him, but hearing him admitting he doesn’t want to sleep with me either, hurts a girl’s self-esteem.
He must catch the hurt on my face or something because he reaches for my arm. “No, shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Damn it. I’m sorry, Emerson. Can I start again?” he rambles, scrambling to make it right.
I’m not sure I want to listen to anything more he has to say but I give him the benefit of the doubt and nod.
“I mean, Rome’s a dick. He shouldn’t have made the bet with Colt, and I’m pissed with Colt, too, for making a bet about his best friend.” Austin smiles at me, and I kind of like it. He’s pissed at Colt for using me to make some money. I should be angrier with Colt than I am, too, but I’m not because we need the money. I don’t tell Austin that though, because it’s none of his business. “I came over to say that I won’t try anything because I’m hung up on someone else.”
I smile in relief.
“Rome knows it, too, and he’s being a...”
“Dick,” I offer when he trails off.
Austin laughs. “Yeah, he’s trying to force my hand. Get me to make a move I’m not ready to make yet. Does that make sense?”
“Perfect sense.”
Austin is crushing on someone. He has real feelings; they’re strong and likely too deep for most of this crowd to comprehend. He’s in love with someone but he won’t admit it yet.
“Can I ask you something?” I’m curious to learn more about the girl who has Austin St. Clair tied up in knots. Why, if he’s renowned for being a smooth talker and ladies’ man, he doesn’t unleash his charm on her?
“Sure.” He shrugs.
“Why don’t you want to make a move? What’s holding you back?”
“Because she doesn’t know I exist.”
“You’re in love with her,” I say, and he nods in response though I wasn’t asking.