* * *
Drew has the mower out on the front lawn when I run the last few metres home, pushing it to idle when he sees me approach.
“Put a bloody shirt on, would you?” Drew imitates vomiting.
“Don’t be hating just ‘cause you’re jealous, little brother.”
“Jealous of your jam donut gut? Don’t reckon.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Was that it?” Drew asks with a smirk on his face.
“No, Smart arse.” Picking up the handle of the rake that was laying at my feet, I begin to sweep the lawn clippings into a pile. “It’s about Daisy.”
Drew lets out a low whistle. “Ollie, Daisy is my friend and you’re my brother.”
“I know that. Please, Drew.” It takes him a moment to weigh it up before letting out a deep breath.
“Okay, I feel like I’m going to live to regret this, but fire away.”
“Have I completely fucked things with Daisy so bad she’s not likely to ever forgive me?” I stop raking the leaves, resting my two hands and chin on the wooden handle I turn to Drew trying to get a read on his reaction.
“You hurt her pretty bad. It took her a long time to get over the heartbreak, Ollie.”
“I know, I fucking know. I see it when she looks at me. I feel like I need to apologise to her every time she looks at me but how many apologies is it going to take before she stops looking at me like that? How many times do I have to say sorry before she believes me enough to forgive me?”
“Ollie –”
“If you’re going to tell me to be patient I will punch you in the nuts, Drew. Mum’s told me that already but I don’t have time to be patient.”
“Why? You don’t think she’s worth it?”
“Of course she is worth it, arsehole. She deserves better than me but that doesn’t mean I can stop loving her. I never have and I doubt I ever will.”
“Ollie, you’re already planning on going back to the city. How can you put her through leaving all over again?”
“I wanted to ask her to come with me.”
Drew’s expression changed, his smile had faded and his eyebrows knit together. “How can you be such a selfish arsehole, Oliver? Everyone loves her, you can’t just take her away from us.”
“From you? Isn’t that what you meant, I can’t take her away from you.” I did my best to hold my anger that was beginning to bubble away inside of me. I hadn’t been blind to the way Drew had looked at Daisy. I’d always suspected he’d had feelings for her beyond a simple friendship; he’d followed her around like a lost puppy throughout most of their childhood.
“From her life here, in Fosford. Her business and her family are here.”
“Shouldn’t Daisy get to make the decision for herself?”
“The way you’re carrying on right now, Oliver, you’d think she’d already forgiven you for what you’ve done to her. If you really cared about her you wouldn’t be here preparing to make the same mistakes all over again. Haven’t you hurt her enough?” Drew pushes the mower with a great heave in my direction but it rolls to a stop before it runs into me.
“You want me to step aside for you to have a crack at her? Is that what you want? Who’s being the selfish arsehole now?” I call after him as I watch Drew walk off, he disappears into the garage, effectively ending our conversation.
* * *
Drew was still pissed at me when we were sitting down to dinner, he wouldn’t make eye contact and passing the salt shaker was a struggle for him. If anyone had any rights to be pissed off with the other, it was me. Daisy was mine, but it wasn’t about possession because if it were, I was hers, she owned me in every possible way.
No, Daisy was mine because the thought of her being anyone else’s caused my chest to ache so badly I would sooner prefer to no longer exist that to live with the pain of it.
“What is with you boys tonight?” Our mum had always been the one to know when something was amiss, our dad was oblivious, the blank look on his face as he was lifting the fork piled with food was a testament to that.
“Nothing.” Drew answered, muttering.
“Don’t treat me like an idiot, Andrew. I have known you both your whole lives so don’t think I don’t know when there is something the matter.”
“I took something that Drew thought belonged to him.” I answer for the both of us.
“Well does it, Oliver? Should you be giving it back?” Mum asks, innocently unaware of the subtext or the death look I was getting from Drew across the table.
“No, ma.”
“Oliver,” her voice was stern, like I was a naughty ten-year-old boy again, taking Drew’s favourite matchbox car. “If it isn’t yours to keep, then you need to return it.” We were barely teenagers when we’d grown to be taller than our own mother but no matter how big and tall we’d grown we’d always known that even though she may be small she had a wrath worse than Poseidon himself.
“Mum, it’s nothing for you to worry about, Drew and I will work it out.”
* * *
I find Drew later in his room, it had been years since we’d had a disagreement of any kind and even then they had been so minor we’d instantly dismissed it and returned to being friends.
Softly, I knock on his door before pushing it open, “Can I come in?”
Drew shrugs, before putting down the book he’d been reading beside him on the bed.
“Look, I’m sorry for being such as bastard to you. It’s just I love her, you know?” Pulling back the computer chair I take a seat, resting my arms on the backrest as I straddle it. “But you’re still my brother and I shouldn’t have let anything else get in the way of that. So, I’m sorry.”
“You’re right, Ollie, you were a bastard.” He expels a deep breath before continuing. “And you were right, I love Daisy too but not in the way you do. She’s my best friend and I need her here.” His shoulders sag, he looks defeated.
There is more going on with Drew than I can put my finger on and it scares me a little to know he’s hiding something. “Drew, you said I was clueless. What’s going on with you? What did you mean? What have I missed?”
“I’m not in love with Daisy because she’s not exactly my type.”
“How can she not be your type? She’s every man’s type. She’s fucking gorgeous. Not to mention intelligent with a sassy mouth.”
“She’s missing a package.”
“What? She’s the complete package.” I’m lost and confused, my brother was an idiot. Daisy was perfection.
“I’m gay, Ollie. I’m not attracted to Daisy. I like men.” I’m stunned into silence, my brother was gay and I had no idea what to say to him. “But you’ve dated women.” My shock eminent in the tone of my voice.
“I know but it never felt,” He pauses. “Right. You know?”
“Does Mum and Dad know?”
“Nope, just Daisy and now you, well other than a couple of guys I’ve spent some time with. I’m just not ready to tell them yet. So I would appreciate it if you didn’t say anything.”