Milo nods, and I follow him to the living room. Part of me hopes he’ll just throw me on the couch and have his way with me, but I’m not surprised when he takes a seat in the armchair and leaves the couch for me. We both lean forward with our elbows on our knees, and I can’t decide if it’s to be closer to each other or to be prepared to flee at a moment’s notice. It’s probably best if I don’t overthink it. So I take a breath and go for it.
“I’m sorry. About the cat and the mess and the stupid cigarettes. And about Zeb too. He was the guy who towed my car the day I came to town, and he was just dropping off some stuff for me. There’s nothing going on there.”
“I know.” This is all he says.
“You know?”
“Yeah. Ted told me about the cat earlier this week, I know you hate messes because you called me a monster the other night when I left the cap off the milk, and you turned an interesting shade of green even though you didn’t inhale with the cigarette.”
I have to admit, this news doesn’t make me happy at all. I didn’t fool him for a minute, and here I was feeling all horrible and shit. Not to mention, that damn cat ate my favorite lip balm, and they don’t make that flavor anymore so I can’t even get a new one.
“What about Zeb?” Surely, he at least had a moment of doubt with that one.
Milo’s chin dips as he eyes me. “Come on.”
“What? He’s good looking.”
“If you say so. He’s also about ten years younger than you, and he has a set of gold balls hanging from his trailer hitch.”
“Eww.” I probably should have seen that one coming. “Fine then, Mister Smartypants. I’m taking back my sorry.” Milo is looking entirely too smug, but this just makes him grin. “Wait, if you knew all this, why did you storm out of here?”
“Because.” His eyes narrow at me, and his smugness subsides.
I gesture for him to expand on that.
“It doesn’t mean I wasn’t pissed. You’ve been avoiding me for two days, and when you finally decide to talk to me, it’s covered up in all that bullshit? Not cool.”
I chew my lip for a second. “Okay. That makes sense. You can have your sorry back.”
He exhales and shakes his head. “Just for the record, I’m sorry too.”
“What are you sorry for? Wait, you didn’t bring Lollipop back, did you?” My back straightens and my eyes scan the room for the cat.
“Fuck no. I hate cats.”
“Phew. There’s something seriously wrong with that thing.”
Milo waits until he has my eyes again. “I’m sorry for the other night. For letting you walk out without talking about it.”
Even though I know this is the real issue we need to discuss, I suddenly have cold feet. As in, ice blocks. I stand up before I can think and dart over to the kitchen.
“Where are you going?”
“To get…” My eyes hit the loaf of bread in the corner. “Toast.”
“Toast?”
“Yes. I’m starving. Must be the cigarettes.” I thunk my forehead with the heel of my hand. What the hell am I talking about?
“Does it have to be right now?”
“Yeah. I’ll just be a minute.” I shove two slices in the toaster and press the lever down, trying to think of what I’m going to say. Do I spill my guts or wait to see what he has to say first? What if I tell him I love him and he says “Thanks?” But if I let him talk first, he might say something I don’t want to hear. Maybe he’s going to tell me we should just be friends with benefits while I’m in town. Maybe he’s planning on screwing me and then locking me in a room with Lollipop as revenge for today. Maybe he’s going to ask me never to leave and to stay with him forever. My heart does this pitter-patter thing and drops some hot goo in my belly. That’s the only way I can explain it. Love is so weird.
“Jill.”
I jump at Milo’s voice and turn around to find him standing only a few feet away. How did he get so close without me hearing him? Oh, that’s right, I was busy obsessing over all the horrible possibilities before I got distracted by the love goo. God, he’s handsome.
“I meant what I said about not wanting you to regret anything between us. But I remembered something.” I’m too freaked to speak, so he continues, “You said your heart was different with me.”
“I did?” Not that it isn’t true, but when did I say that? Oh God, I must have been more drunk than I thought.
His hands are shoved in his pockets, and he looks like he did at eighteen. “You did. I was standing in the street, and you looked over at me with all these tears pouring down your face.”
What is he talking about? I don’t remember going out to the street the other night at all. I just went up to my room and alternately cursed his name and cried.
“You said, ‘I thought you were different, Milo.’ You were so mad, and you wouldn’t let me explain.” He shakes his head. “And then you looked at me, and I swear I actually saw your heart break, and you said, ‘My heart was different with you. But now it will hate you forever.’”
My nose starts to sting with tears because I remember with perfect clarity what he’s talking about.
“Milo. I didn’t mean the last part. Well, I did at the time, but I was sixteen.”
The corner of his mouth lifts. “I know. Well, I didn’t at the time, but I was eighteen.”
“I was a bit of a drama queen, wasn’t I?” I allow myself a ghost of a smile.
He steps closer and tucks some loose hair behind my ear. My entire body shivers. “It’s one of your many charms.”
“Are you saying I’m still a drama queen?” My voice shakes a little, but I need to keep up the sass to preserve my sanity.
“Were we in the same house a couple hours ago?”
“Right. Good point.” My eyes drop to my feet. “I can’t believe you remembered what I said verbatim.”
“I remember a lot of things where you’re concerned.”
“I always have strived to be hard to forget.” I go for flippant, but my heart is threatening to crack my ribs.
Instead of playing along with my little procrastination game, Milo cuts to the chase. “Did you mean the other part?”
I swallow hard because this is the moment. I can be a coward, or I can reach for what I want, get my hopes up, jump off that cliff, and trust that fate is on my side and that everything has led to this.
So I lift my head and look Milo straight in his gorgeous multi-colored eyes and go for it. “My heart has always been different with you. It always will be.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
MILO
Something releases in my chest and it has me feeling like I could float right up to the ceiling or go out and run a marathon. But I don’t try either one. Instead, I reach out and cup Jill’s face with both hands, holding it gently and feeling the warmth of her smooth skin sink into my trembling fingers. Her eyes watch me closely.
“That’s good to hear, Sunshine.” I drop a soft kiss on her lips, and she sighs, making me want to sweep my tongue inside and kiss her breathless. But she needs to know I’m all in. “And just so you know, my heart’s yours to do whatever you want with it. Always has been.”