His lips touched mine, and in that moment, I knew it could be so easy to surrender to his words. To give up this burden of suspicion I carried around with me all the time. To believe him, and in so doing, allow him to lighten the load.
I deepened the kiss, and he responded in kind. His hands slowly worked their way down my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach, before diving beneath my waistband. And when I felt his fingers between my legs, I could no longer control myself. We did it right there on the breakfast bar.
Like feral beasts, panting and growling and clawing at each other’s bodies. Our friction could’ve set the kitchen on fire. When we were finished, he collapsed forward, holding me in his arms, breathing heavy against my neck. He looked spent, satisfied.
“That was the hottest thing ever,” he muttered.
Once we caught our breath and disentangled ourselves from one another, I went to the bathroom to clean up, feeling more confident than ever. Alex and I were solid. He wasn’t gonna ghost me the first chance he could. Like he said, he was in this a hundred percent. I was his one and only, and we were in this for the long haul. I was sure of it.
Until I had a good look around the bathroom.
I swear: I wasn’t snooping. It’s just that while I was washing my hands, my eyes started to wander and I noticed a hot-pink razor in the corner of the shower stall. A woman’s razor. Right next to a travel size can of raspberry-scented shave gel.
Funny, that wasn’t there last time. Was it?
Naturally, my curiosity was piqued. I pulled back the shower curtain to see what else was in there. A bar of soap, some shampoo, a damp washcloth hanging off the showerhead. Nothing else particularly girlie.
But what might’ve been in the medicine cabinet?
A little voice whispered in my ear: Stop being so shady. But I easily ignored it and swung open the mirrored door to find a half-empty bottle of Prada Candy. The fragrance. For women.
So, of course, then I had to look under the sink, where, crammed behind a bottle of Liquid-Plumr and a six-pack of toilet paper, I found Alex’s secret stash of Tampax Pearls. The variety pack, for the varied degrees of his monthly flow.
Was this why he’d hesitated when I’d asked to come over? Because he hadn’t yet had a chance to clean up the mess his last girl had left behind?
Okay, okay.
I was not going to freak out. Freaking out would not solve anything. Instead, I was going to calmly and rationally ask Alex what the fuck was going on.
After two deep, centering breaths, I went to the bedroom. Alex was on the bed, engrossed in his phone, not even looking up as I sat down next to him. His eyes were wide, his thumbs were tapping furiously. He muttered, “Oh man,” under his breath.
“What’s going on?” I asked. Totally calm, totally rational.
“Nothing,” he said, turning off his phone display and resting it on the nightstand. “I’m getting hungry. You wanna order dinner?”
“Sure. Whatever.”
He reached out and stroked my arm. “Is something wrong?”
Start being direct, I thought. This was the perfect opportunity to come right out and ask him about what I saw in the bathroom.
“No, I’m fine.”
Nice work, Mel.
“Okay.” From the lilt in his voice, I could tell he wasn’t totally convinced, but he didn’t press the issue. “Why don’t you check Seamless and pick out something good?”
“What’re you in the mood for?”
“I leave the decision in your capable hands.” With an elaborate flourish, he bowed before me, then bounded off for the bathroom.
I was fine.
This was all fine.
I was merely overreacting. All that girlie stuff in the bathroom had probably been there before and I just hadn’t noticed it.
Maybe it was leftover from JBoogie. You know, the girl he’d ghosted after sex.
But if he was never serious about her, then why did he let her store a stash of tampons under the sink?
Was there someone else he’d been serious about who he hadn’t admitted to?
Or was I really just the side chick?
No more pointless speculating. I pulled up the Seamless app and scrolled through available deliveries in the neighborhood. As I tried to decide between poke bowls and pad thai, Alex’s phone buzzed, and I looked up to see the screen lit with a text notification.
And I swear: I wasn’t snooping. His phone was lying there on the nightstand, faceup, clearly visible to the world. Was I expected to turn away from it? To will my eyes not to see and my brain not to interpret the words displayed so plainly on the screen?
Of course, I wish that’s what I had done. Instead, I got closer and read the damning evidence.
From: Jenny
i never heard from you. did you like my little surprise?
Somewhere in the distance, drums pounded. Steady, unrelenting, getting closer and closer by the second. Then I realized they weren’t drums at all, but the surge of my heartbeat, thumping in my chest, reverberating in my ears, flooding my body with adrenaline and fury.
I had heard the name Jenny before. This was the woman I’d met that first night at the bar. The woman he’d said was his first Fluttr date that didn’t work out. Why the fuck were they still texting each other?
Alex came out of the bathroom and I couldn’t even look at him. With my eyes on the floor and my voice calm and even, I said, “I think you got a text.”
He picked up his phone, unlocking it with a swipe of his thumb. The room filled with palpable silence as I watched him read the message, lock the screen, and drop the phone back onto his nightstand. His face betrayed nothing. He didn’t even flinch.
“Who was it?” I asked, giving him a chance to tell me the truth. “Was it work?”
“Nah. Just spam.”
Liar.
Alex had accused me of being paranoid like it was some kind of flaw. But obviously, it was a strength, because my suspicions were right on target. He’d been lying all along.
“Are you sure that’s what it was?”
“What do you mean?” He pinched his brows together, miming confusion. Trying to paint me like the overly paranoid girl.
“What was the surprise?”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Stop playing dumb. Just stop it.” I felt my voice getting louder but had lost all control over its pitch. “I saw the text, okay?”
“What? Why were you going through my phone?”