I’d never felt like this about any man.
This was lust. This was what all those books and films were always going on about. This wasn’t the sexual attraction I’d felt for other men. This was full-blown desire.
Yet—I closed my eyes, remembering the way he’d held my gaze as he moved inside me—it could be more between us. If we tried, who knew where extraordinary could take us?
More scared than I had ever been in my life, I threw my shoulders back with determination and walked out into the office to face Caine.
He was shrugging on his jacket and I saw his relief that I’d put my dress back on.
My belly flipped at the sight of him all rumpled and sexy. Why, oh, why, out of all the men in the world did Caine Carraway have to be the one to make me feel this way?
I stopped a few feet before him and he narrowed his gaze, as if he sensed what was coming.
“You’re afraid to let me in.”
He shot me a warning look. “Alexa.”
I forged ahead. “But I know something all those other women who have tried and failed with you don’t. I know you’re a good man. Real in a way they’ve never had the chance to see. I know that because I saw it when you were with Effie. I saw who you really are. I see who you are because … we’re not so different, you and I. We both deserve happiness.”
For a moment Caine just stared at me and a little bubble of hope floated around inside me. When he took a step backward, extremely guarded, that little bubble just went pop. “Happiness? This coming from the daughter of the guy who destroyed my family?”
All the air went out of the room.
It was like he’d punched me in the chest.
And he wasn’t finished. “I don’t know what this is you’re trying to do, but you and I are not the same.” He took another step back from me. “And I am not for you. I’m not your white knight. I’m just the guy who wanted to fuck you.”
I flinched under the sting of his words. Words that humiliated me. I’d idiotically allowed myself to be vulnerable with a man who’d already proven he had no qualms hurting my feelings.
My God, I was such a stupid, stupid fool. Worse. I was … some kind of masochist!
I was my mother.
I tried to pull my feelings back inside me so he couldn’t see how he’d cut me up into slices. However, I knew it was too late when he said my name in a gentle, remorseful tone. He wore guilt and regret on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean … I shouldn’t have said that.” He ran his hands through his hair, looking appalled that he had, and frustrated by my effect on him. “I’m just not the guy you’re looking for. I’m not ever going to be that man. Trust me.”
How could I have allowed myself to forget who I was to him? That was what I’d done here.
Oh God. He must have felt terrible for having sex with me. A Holland. Warily I looked over at him. Did he want to wash me off? Forget I happened? I sucked in a breath at the painful thought.
He sighed. “Let’s just put this behind us and go back to being the pain-in-the-ass boss and the smart-ass PA.”
I stared at him, bewildered by the suggestion. He really thought I could be around him after this?
No. I was done.
What my family did to his had damaged him. The kinship I felt between us … I didn’t know if it was real or just something I had imagined to life out of the seeds of my loneliness, but I did know that Caine was determined never to feel the connection.
“I shouldn’t have come to you for help,” I said. “You’re right. This was all a mistake. You can consider this my two weeks’ notice. After it’s up, you’ll never have to see me again.”
I knew Caine well enough to know that the emotion that flashed in his eyes that he tried so hard to bank was anger. I didn’t know how to interpret that reaction, though, and frankly I was raw, mortified, and completely done with the whole mess we’d made. I didn’t want to overanalyze a flash of emotion from him.
“I’ll call a cab.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’ll have the driver drop you off at your place.”
I did not want to spend another twenty minutes stuck in a car with him. “I said I’ll call a cab.”
Caine was visibly pissed as he took a menacing step toward me. “For the next two weeks you’re still my employee. If I say I’ll take you home, I’m taking you the fuck home and it’s final.”
It was the most silent and uncomfortable car ride in the history of car rides.
After showering the smell of him off my body, I climbed into bed, hugged my pillow like a five-year-old, and then cried all over it. The sun was just starting to filter through my curtains when I eventually nodded off to sleep.
It was with tear-crusted eyes I woke only a few hours later to the sounds of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”
I’d changed my ringtone before I’d gotten into bed.
“M’ullo,” I said into my duvet after grabbing the phone off my bedside table.
“Lexie?”
At the sound of Grandpa’s voice I groaned and pushed myself up into a sitting position. “Morning.”
“You sound like hell.”
“No comment.”
“Look, I’m calling to apologize for last night. I wish you’d told me you were going to be attending Dick and Cerise’s anniversary. If I’d known I would have come up with an excuse not to go so I didn’t have to put you in that position. Christ,” he said regretfully, “the look on your face, sweetheart, well, it made me … I felt like shit all night.”
I felt a pang of remorse for my resentful thoughts when he’d ignored me. I understood the situation. I couldn’t start pretending I didn’t whenever it suited me. “It’s okay, Grandpa. I understand. I even introduced myself as Alexa Hall all night so people wouldn’t ask questions.”
“I know.” There was a smile in his voice. “You made quite an impression. You looked beautiful. I just wish this family wasn’t full of malicious drama queens. If they were more understanding, this could all be out in the open. Anyway, I hope you didn’t disappear because of me.”
I flushed at the real reason. “Uh, no. Caine had a work thing.”
My grandfather was silent for a few seconds. “You slept with him, didn’t you?”
“How—” I lifted my jaw back up off my duvet. “How the heck did you know that?”
“Because he ignored his date all night as he prowled around the room like a jungle cat hunting my granddaughter. I thought at one point he might actually kill Henry Lexington.”
A thrill coursed through me at the thought of Caine’s jealousy. “He was watching me all night?”
“What do you think everyone was talking about?”
“Oh my God,” I muttered as a realization hit me. I remembered that weird little triumphant smirk on Henry’s face when Caine interrupted our dance. “Henry knew. He asked me to the party to push Caine’s buttons.”
“That sounds like a Lexington.” Grandpa’s voice lowered. “So, was this part of the plan?”
“I’m not sure I’m comfortable discussing this with my grandfather.”