Even though we had less, Jenny raised me better than I’ve done with Ryan. I know he needs more, I'm just not sure where I can pull more from. I feel like I’m giving it my all, I'm just torn in two. Most parents have a partner to rely on, or at least nine months to adjust to the idea of being a parent to begin with, but not me. I was just thrown to the wolves. I had no warning, no time to prepare.
“I want to be like my sister,” I whisper, gesturing at her nearby photo. “I want to raise Jenny’s son with the passion and diligence she had for me, but I just . . . I don’t know how. She sacrificed everything to make sure I had what I needed. She put me above herself every single minute of every single day.”
“And Ryan deserves that too,” Stacy says quietly.
“I know!” I answer, anger coloring my words. “I know,” I repeat, softer this time. “I love that little guy so much, but I never wanted kids. I never saw myself settling down and caring for anyone but myself. What if he turns out like me, a huge mess? I'm terrified of failing him, of him following my footsteps. I'm terrified I'm going to screw him up forever if I spend too much time around him.”
Stacy reaches out and rests one hand on mine. Her palm is smooth and warmth washes instantly over me. I close my eyes for a moment and bask in it, but then she pulls back, and my hand—and heart— is cold again.
Without thinking, I snag her hand back in mine just to cling to it a moment longer. She sucks in a breath of surprise, staring down at our hands. I feel her fingers trembling slightly against my own, but she manages to speak without a tremor.
“Every new parent feels that way, and that’s what you are, Jake. A new parent. You have a lot of learning to do but I have faith that you can do what you need to for Ryan. Follow your gut, trust your heart, and you won’t fail him.”
Her words are kind and they make me feel better, but I know I can’t do this alone. I don’t know how to juggle my own needs and the needs of my nephew.
What if my instincts are wrong? What if my heart is misguided?
Slowly, I lift my head to gaze into Stacy’s gentle eyes. She stares back, hope glimmering on her face. She believes in me more than I believe in myself, but I need more than just blind optimism. I need something concrete, something that I know will be there for me.
“Will you help me?” I ask after swallowing hard. I cradle her hand gently, lacing my fingers between hers. “Help me and Ryan. I want to change. But I don’t think I can do it unless you’re by my side.”
Chapter 12
Stacy
Jake’s eyes are so sincere as he stares at me, gripping my hand against his rough palm, his thumb gently tracing up and down the back of my hand. My heart aches, being pulled in two different directions.
All I can think about at this moment is Eric and Morgan’s warnings, which are ringing in the back of my mind.
This is The Hartbreak Kid we’re talking about.
This is a man who’s never committed to anyone or anything except for football. He’s going to have a hard enough time keeping up with his obligations to his nephew, let alone a committed relationship. And he’s not exactly off to a stellar start with how unreliable he’s been lately.
I swallow hard as I gaze into Jake’s pleading eyes. He’s not just asking me to help out around the apartment, not with the way he’s slowly coming closer and closer to me until his enticing cologne tickles my nose.
This isn’t a decision I can make lightly, not with how twisted up my heart is.
On the one hand, I want nothing more than to cave and throw my arms around the hunky tight end and kiss him for the first time. I feel butterflies and sparks just thinking about it. And spending more time with Ryan . . . that kid is so sweet and lovable underneath his hard shell. I would love to get to know the little boy even more.
But that’s also part of the problem.
I'm Ryan’s teacher.
Not only would it be completely inappropriate to get involved with one of my student’s parents, but it’s also strictly against the rules. Principal Walton would have my hide if he ever found out I was spending time around Jake and Ryan outside of school.
I know all of this, but I also know the way my heart feels when I look into Jake’s eyes—complete.
Jake turns in his barstool, still clutching my hand, and suddenly both of his knees are on either side of mine so that my legs are trapped between his strong thighs. Heat radiates from his body. It’s so alluring and comforting that I don’t even pull away. My tongue is heavy behind my teeth, like suddenly I'm under Jake’s spell, which I am, to be completely honest.
He lifts my hand to rest over his heart and I feel it thumping under my palm, along with the strong line of his pecs. He’s so chiseled he might as well be crafted from marble by a master sculptor.
I make the mistake of allowing my gaze to slowly drift up from where my hand is pressed against his chest to gaze into those beautiful brown eyes.
They pull me in with a silent siren song. I feel as though I'm drowning in them, and the only way to save myself is to agree to help him and Ryan even more than I already have.
But this situation is so complicated. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what the right answer is. Do I stay in their lives and possibly get hurt and lose my job, or turn him away and hope that Jake can figure things out by himself?
I mean, at some point he’s going to have to do just that. I can’t hold his hand forever—no matter how much I want to.
Plus, there’s also the possibility that he’s just using me.
I mean look at him. He’s Jake-freaking-Eckhart! He knows how women melt in his presence. He knows how to use his dashing charm and good looks to get his way.
Maybe that’s all this is. Maybe it’s nothing more than a show in order to keep me taking care of his nephew while he’s out partying around town.
I sincerely hope not. That wouldn’t be fair to me or to Ryan.
Ugh!
I bite my lip, wishing that some sort of clarity would hit me like a lightning bolt.
Why does Jake have to be famous?
This would be so much easier if we could just escape the cameras and the watching eyes for a while and give this a go.
And why does Ryan have to be one of my students?
Then we wouldn’t have to hide what's going on, and I would be able to tell if Jake’s intentions were pure or not.
But wishing won’t change the reality of the situation. And the reality is that this whole thing is messed up and confusing and there’s no right or wrong. I just have to take my heart out of it and do what I hope is best for all parties involved.
As if sensing my inner turmoil, Jake leans closer and gently tucks a stray curl behind my ear.
“Stacy,” he whispers gently.
Hearing my name uttered in that deep, sexy voice of his makes a shiver roll slowly up my spine. Goose bumps prickle across my shoulders in its wake and I bite my lip harder. He makes it so hard to resist him.
“Are you still in there?” he asks teasingly.
I nod and the hand that just brushed my hair behind my ear strokes slowly to my chin, tipping my face toward his. My chest rises and falls in shallow pants. When I gaze into those eyes of his, I'm hypnotized.