She slapped him. Awkwardly, ineffectually, but with feeling. Shock at her own actions robbed her of breath. She should apologize. After all, if their roles were reversed… But even as she thought it, she hit him again, on the shoulder this time. And again on the chest. And again and again. Her haphazard blows couldn’t have hurt him. After the first, the strength had drained from her so that each new strike was weaker than the last. His efforts to restrain her flailing arms were hampered by his obvious desire not to hurt her. Conversely she couldn’t seem to stop trying to hurt him.
At last, he pinned her against the wall with the weight of his body. She pushed against him to no avail, and suddenly unable to lash out, she burst into tears. She hadn’t sensed it coming, didn’t know what to do now that it had happened, but the relief was exquisite as the terrible pressure in her chest eased with each choking sob. Next came a shiver of feeling like the rush of blood into a limb that had been numb.
The only thing that made the surge of pain and joy and gratitude bearable was his body covering hers and the sound of his voice in her ear. “I’m sorry, Evie. I’m sorry. Please don’t.”
“I thought you were dead.”
“I’m here, love. I’m here with you.”
“Please be real. Please, please be real.”
“I’m real. I swear.”
As tight as he held her, it wasn’t enough. She needed it to hurt. She wanted bruises so that later she would know she hadn’t imagined this. Her entire body shook.
“You were dead and I never told you. I should have told you.”
“Yet you still don’t.” And there was a smile in his voice as if he found her inability to function like a normal woman utterly charming.
“I love you.” Her voice broke. “I’ve loved you for so long.”
He rested his forehead against hers and sighed. “Thank you.” It could have been funny, that emphatic breath of a thanks, but his voice trembled with gratitude and relief.
Now that she’d finally spoken the words, the worst of her pain lifted and her tears slowed. She felt none of the fear and vulnerability she might have expected to feel after such a declaration. It didn’t matter if he didn’t say it back. She had spoken the truth and there was unexpected power in that. He held her, their bodies pressed together, and she knew he was almost as relieved to see her again as she was to see him. He must have rushed here unsure if he’d be in time to stop her.
He stroked her hair. “There’s so much to say and I don’t know where to start.”
Evie did. “The paper said you fell. Is that true? Was it Captain? Where is he?”
“We should talk about this somewhere else. This is going to be difficult for you to hear.”
He was dead then. No doubt she would be sad later, but at that moment she had no room in her heart for anyone but Alex. “Tell me now. It won’t be worse than what I’m imagining.”
And so he told her what had happened. How Captain had wanted to kill him, how they had struggled with the gun which had gone off. How Alex had slipped over the edge of the cliff but how he’d caught hold of an exposed root. He would have died if Helen hadn’t been there to help him. While Captain lay bleeding, she and Dr. Carter had saved Alex’s life.
“The shot got him in the stomach. By the time they had me safe, he’d fallen unconscious or that was how it seemed.”
“Seemed? What do you mean?”
“Helen took me to the gatehouse to look at my wounds while Carter went to fetch his medical bag. By the time he got back, Nightingale had gone. That was the last we saw of him.”
“Then he’s alive?”
“He looked half dead when we left him. I don’t see how he could have survived, but then where is he?”
She didn’t know and dozens of other questions clamored for answers. “The paper said you died and that Helen witnessed it. How could they get things so wrong?”
“Ah.” He tilted her chin up so that he could see her expression in the feeble dawn light. “The papers didn’t make a mistake, not really. They reported what Helen told them. What I asked her to tell them.”
The world wobbled on its axis. Or she wobbled. Until now she had been overjoyed at his survival and determined to soak up every moment she had with him until they were forced to part by his inevitable marriage. Now came a trembling hope that he might be about to offer her even more.
He gazed at her expectantly. She had to say something but she didn’t want to leap to conclusions. “I don’t understand.”
“I told you there was only one way for me to save my family’s legacy but that isn’t true. There’s another path I hadn’t considered because it’s…well, quite frankly it’s immoral and illegal.”
She felt a smile tugging at her lips. “Go on.”
“Ellis once pointed out that the duchy’s finances would be in much better shape if I died. He was joking, of course, but he was also right.”
“You’re talking about insurance fraud.” She eased away from him and began to pace the little stretch of alley nearest them. “You’re telling me that everyone thinks you’re dead?”
“Not everyone. Helen and Dr. Carter know the truth.”
“Dr. Carter? He must be horrified.” Even her brief acquaintance with the man had been enough for her to notice his obvious integrity. But he was also besotted with his wife. He would probably do almost anything to make Helen happy.
“Are you?” he asked.
“No, but I’m a terrible person. You shouldn’t use me as your moral barometer.”
“You are the only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman I ever want to marry. I think you are wonderful and extraordinary, but…” He smiled crookedly. “Point taken.”
She heard his declaration, but this was too serious. Despite the little skip her heart gave, she was not going to allow him to distract her from the folly of what he proposed. “And the man who apparently prompted this idea? Is he in on it, too?” After all, Mr. Ellis would be the financial beneficiary of this mad scheme.
“Absolutely not. Yes, he joked about this weeks ago, but he would never knowingly participate in anything like this. He’s far more suited to be Harcastle than I ever was. What he lacks in presence he makes up for with industriousness and competence. He’s thoroughly honorable almost to the point of dullness. Helen and Will have both sworn never to tell him.”
Evie wasn’t so sure. “You don’t think the insurance money and all the castles might tempt him?”
“If there’s one person who wants to be Harcastle even less than I, it’s Ellis. The very mention of the possibility always turns him green. It’s the part of this that troubles me most. If he knew I even contemplated this, he’d never forgive me.”