Nervously, I smile. My body is warming up as tingles run up and down my legs, coalescing as a heat between my thighs. I can feel myself getting wetter and wetter. Rubbing my legs back and forth, I swallow the lump in the back of my throat.
“Prom is a few months away, do a lot of people usually go?”
“Prairie, it's one high school, where most of the students are related one way or another. Everyone goes.”
Just ask him already.
Stop procrastinating!
“Let me ask you this then, what do you think about going with me?”
“Wow,” he says, his eyes growing wide. “I think you're reading me all wrong. You assume a lot by asking me that.”
What the hell does that mean?
“You know what, forget it. Forget I asked.” Standing up, I tear my gloves off, and stuff them into his garbage bag. “I don't know what I was thinking.”
I thought maybe that there's something between us. I thought he's feeling the same things I am. Obviously, I'm wrong.
How stupid am I?
The only feeling Max knows is hate. We slept together, that was it. It wasn't an expression of his feelings for me. It had nothing to do with me at all. That night was about primal need, it was built off the nature of sex, not the heart that is sometimes paired with it.
Tears bubble up over my eyes, the anger and stupidity I'm feeling are coiling inside my gut like thick vines. My stomach twists as I jerk my body to turn and storm off.
I'm not going to stand here anymore and look as dumb as I feel. Asking him was a mistake.
Max lashes out and nabs my wrist. “Whoa, where are you going?” he asks.
Yanking myself free, I let my arms dangle with precision at my sides. My fists are clenched, my nails are digging into my palms. All because Max doesn't have a fucking heart.
Paint your world in black, and it will die around you. Praise the negative, and only bad will come.
But I'm not going to live that way. I want happiness, and that's what I'll always walk toward.
“I'm leaving, where the hell do you think I'm going?” Taking a few steps backwards, I hold out my arms. “But don't worry, I won't bother you anymore, I see where I stand now.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Max pushes himself off the rock. and throws his arms out to the sides. “Where is this coming from?”
“It's fine, really. I get it, I was misreading things, it's not a big deal. You hate me, I ruined your life, why wouldn't you just use me?” Twisting around, I follow the line where the wet and dry sand meet, dropping my head to look down at my feet.
“Prairie, wait,” he calls out. “Hear me out for a second.” His voice is behind me as he latches a strong hand around my wrist, and forces me stop. “That's not true, that's not what happened.”
“Let me go, Max,” I snap through grit teeth, attempting to break free from him a second time. Yanking my arm down, he quickly wraps his other arm around my back, and tries to pull me into his chest. “Come on, I want to go. Just let me go.”
Max's eyes flip to the officer, so I look too, but he isn't paying any attention to us. Rocking my body hard, I twist and turn, doing everything I can to free myself.
But he's so strong, his muscles solid. My breathing picks up as he reels me in, closer and closer to an embrace. I don't want him to hug me. I want to go home.
I'm not going to be his fuck buddy, his friend with benefits, nothing like that. We did it once, it can end there. And I won't let him use me to make himself feel better either.
“Will you just listen to me!” his voice booms from the back of his throat, scratchy and thick. “Stop wiggling, and just listen to me already.”
“No, you said enough.” My shoulders whip from front to back, side to side, and I dig my heels in the sand to get traction.
And then we both slip.
I tumble backwards, and Max falls on top of me. I'm lying on my back in wet sand, staring up at his face with anger in my eyes.
“Get off me!” I bark, veering my stare and flaring my nostrils. “I have nothing else to say to you.”
“You don't have to say shit, you just need to listen.” Keeping his weight on my chest, he uses his legs to pin me in the sand. “What I was trying to tell you before you decided to storm off is that you assume a lot, because I was already planning on asking you myself. You didn't have to do it.”
“What?” I'm confused as I look up at him, my brows fall hard into the bridge of my nose.
He licks his lips as he smiles softly. His lips parts as he's about to speak, and I hang in limbo waiting for his words.
A rush of cold water crashes around us. The wave rushes up the beach, soaking both of us as it slips back into the ocean like it was never there.
Max starts to laugh, and I can't help but laugh along with him as I push up on my elbows. He falls back onto his knees, his shirt and face soaked in sea water.
Wiping my eyes, I'm spitting saltwater out as our laughter grows. Max holds his hand out, helping me to my feet. Slipping his fingers around my hips, he pulls me against his chest.
Our eyes connect, his smile big and bold with a glow that warms me instantly. His fingertips run and up down my ribs, sending a gush of tingles across my body.
“Come here, I want to show you something.” Taking my hand he leads me back to the rocks. Max releases my hand and climbs up a few so he's standing above me.
“What are you doing?”
“I want to show you something,” he says, reaching his hand out to me. I don't question him, I let him help me up the rocks. “Look.” Pointing over to the other side, he smiles.
There's writing in the sand, it's big and thick, and easy to read.
'Prairie, will you go to prom with me?'
“Are you serious?” I ask, taken back by the romantic gesture.
Shrugging his shoulder nonchalantly, he looks out at the sand written words. “Well, is that a yes?” His gaze drifts back to mine, eyes hoping I haven't changed my mind.
“Absolutely. Yes, yes!” I say, slipping my hand into his and resting my head on the outside of his arm.
Max grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tipping my face to his, and kisses me hard. His lips press against mine, hand cupping my skull to tilt my head so he can kiss me deeper.
His tongue slides into my mouth, I open easily for him. Tasting, licking, loving every second of this man that seems to only exist with me.
This side of Max is a ghost to so many. To the kids at school. To my uncle. To my parents.
But I see him vividly.
9
Max
I shut the door to her car and watch her drive off until her taillights flicker into nothing.
My life is taking a turn. I've veered down a different path that's opened up for me. I never could have seen this, there's no way I could have ever pictured myself falling for the girl who I blame for everything.
Deep inside I know it's wrong for me to hold any blame over her head, to let myself use her as the source of all the shit that went wrong that night, landing Harlow in jail.
Slowly, that grudge is melting away. Because we all make our own choices, it's not her fault I chose wrong.