Time went by, Dad and I were alone in that house full of absences and memories. Our conversations were limited to animals and the potato harvest. I kept the anguish of this secret in my chest. I spent night after night awake, waiting for Lars to come back. I didn’t know if he was there, if he would come back some day, not even if he was alive.
Days became months, and then years. I had to go back to my lifestyle. Some weeks after what happened, on a rainy night, I had this dream about Lars. He told me he was fine, that I didn’t have to worry and for me to take care of Dad. This dream felt so real, when I woke up the scent of his cologne was in my room, it was like he had been there. After that night, I tried to believe he was alright, anywhere he could be. From time to time, I would write a letter to my father with his name. Copying his handwriting was easy, after all I had always done homework for the both of us. This brought hope to my father. He was recovering little by little, at least his son was ‘ok.’ We lived like that for a while. When I turned nineteen, Dad let me leave, and I moved to the capital for my studies. I graduated from Stockholm University and got a job as a teacher at the university. I kept sending my dad those letters like I was your father, as always. Dad was never going to notice that I mailed them from inside the country and not from Norway, he barely knew what a mail stamp was. I visited him twice a year, but after a while he got sick. He got a strong pneumonia and with his arthritis he was forced to leave the farm and move to town so he could have the right treatment for his diseases. He ended up living with me in Stockholm.
On the day he was moving, a wagon was enough to carry your grandfather’s belongings, just a few things were left behind. I was sure Lars would never come back. When Dad arrived with his belongs, he told me the mirror of my dressing table had broken on the way. My heart broke with it, I thought I was never going to see him again.
I had to go on with life and take care of both of us. And I did until the end. Your grandfather waited for ten long years for Lars to come back, but it didn’t happen. He spent months at a hospital, I visited him every day. When he had high fevers, he would hallucinate calling out your father’s name. I couldn’t do anything, I watched powerless and feeling like a liar while my father languished in a hospital bed. I kept the lie about Lars until the end. It didn’t take me long to sell the farm. Finding a buyer for that land was easy, after all I offered a large area for a very low price. I only sold it because I needed money to pay for Dad’s treatment, which I had owed for months. An English farmer, new to the city, bought the land and paid on sight, his name was Mr. Smith. I got in my car and drove to the farm to fix the papers, talk to the new owner, and get the money. I’ll never forget that day, December 2nd. It was a cold morning. I drove to the farm and arrived a little before my appointment with Mr. Smith.
The sun was rising in the sky as I came at our old house, now empty. I had never noticed how much the coldness made it darker inside. I went for a last time to my room to remember Lars, remember everything we lived through there, our fights, laughs, and sadness. I needed to move on.
This was my goodbye. I closed the door and went to the kitchen, where only the dining table and an old chair were left behind. I felt the chilling air in my nose and the dust smelled to me of loneliness, this house has been empty for a while. I got an old broom left behind the door and started to sweep, as I had done my entire teenage years. The sound of the broom echoed on the old wooden floor, giving me the sensation of going back in time. I could even sense the smell of Mom’s coffee. I was interrupted by the door that swung open with a long squeak. Someone was there. The daylight shone through the room, and I could see a shadow in the middle of it. It was a man who I didn’t think was Mr. Smith. He carried something in his arms, and when he gave a step forward I recognized him, it was Lars.
The broom fell from my hands. It was like going back ten years, my heart was racing. I blinked twice. This was impossible. I wasn’t sure if it was a dream or if I was hallucinating from being back in the house after so long.
“Eva…” It was real. I was sure when I heard his voice. I ran into the direction of the light and hugged him so tightly, I didn’t even care about the smoky smell of his clothes. I closed the door quickly and took him into the kitchen to let him sit down. He carried in his arms a baby wrapped in a blanket, you. A beautiful baby, so innocent, who slept placid on his lap not aware of any danger. Lars was different. Not because he was older, dirty, hurt or because he was dressed in weird clothes. His eyes were purple. A bright color, vivid, I never knew someone with such an eye color. I remembered the stone he found in the woods, maybe he was sick from touching it. Questions popped into my head like popcorn, he owed me a lifetime of answers. I asked him to start explaining who the baby was, but he was catatonic with his gaze distant and didn’t say a word. I held you so he could rest. How cute you were! Looked like an angel sleeping.
I notice you carried a necklace. I ended up waking you up with my movements, scaring you, since I was a stranger. You let out a shrill cry, bringing your father back to reality. He got his breath and took you back from my arms. “It’s all over…”
“What is over? Where were you? Your eyes... what is this? Who’s this baby? Lars please, you disappeared for ten years!” He exploded, “This is my daughter!” My face swung between amazement and euphoria. I was so happy to have him back, now I had you too, but at the same time I was terrified of what could have happened to him. I saw he was pale. “Ten years? I lost track of time... is Dad…?”
“Yes, was four months ago. He died waiting for you. I told him a story that you had moved to Norway to work for a friend. I even wrote letters in your name to him. I couldn’t say the truth, you disappeared from my room on the day you found that stone. I suffered for so long thinking you were dead! We moved, I have been living in Stockholm for a while now, I came here today only to sign the papers for selling this land.”
He didn’t look like he was paying attention, his face looked lost. He shook his head regretting what only those purple eyes knew. He didn’t want to tell me the details about what happened to him all these years. He told me it was dangerous, something about a new world, nothing that could explain his eye color or his deplorable condition.
I asked for explanations about his disappearing, but he had no answers. “STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! I chose to live far away from here, Eva. I didn’t want to come back, but it all went down. Lumen’s Kingdom was destroyed, He wanted to kill me and the baby! Fortunately we ran away, but the others didn’t. It was all my fault, if I hadn’t gone there, nothing would have changed,” he said regretfully.
He told me about a destroyed kingdom. I decided not to pressure him, respecting his feelings at that time. I was only worried about one thing. You. ‘Lars, this baby! Where is her mother? When she grows, you will have to tell…’
“NO! She will never know anything about this. Her mother never existed. Our people were extinguished! From now on, I’m going to work to give her a normal life, enough of this madness. I told you so, the Kingdom doesn’t exist anymore, it was destroyed. She would never believe this insane reality. I need to find a hammer. I’m going to destroy this necklace now.”
You father gave you back to me and went out to the stable, searching for a tool. When he came back, he had a piece of rusted iron in his hands. I had taken the necklace from you and hid it in my pocket, something was telling me to protect it. Lars noticed you weren’t wearing it anymore. “Give it to me now, Eva!”