“What is it?” I asked. “And don’t say nothing.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m not used to being taken care of.”
“I got that,” I said softly. “I saw your face when I brought you a bunch of napkins. Just napkins…”
He started to answer when his eyes widened. “Holy shit, your medication,” he said. “Did you remember to get it from the safe at the other hotel?”
I froze and turned my face into a perfect mask of oh shit. My eyes widened and my lips parted.
“Fuck.” His face went white, and he tore his hand through his hair. “We have to go back. N-N-Now…”
“Jimmy, wait,” I said, reaching for his sleeve. “I’m kidding. I have it. I grabbed it after I found our new hotel. You were probably in the shower. It’s in my backpack.”
He stared at me for a solid ten seconds then tore his hand from mine. “The fuck, Thea?”
“What…? I-I’m sorry,” I said, my heart pounding as liquid guilt surged through my veins, sludgy and thick. “I’m so sorry, Jimmy. It was a joke. I—”
“A b-b-bad fucking joke.” I could see the frustration ratchet up with the return of his stutter. He hadn’t stuttered once since we arrived in New York.
I jumped off the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”
“You didn’t think I’d be scared shitless for you? Or you d-d-didn’t think at all?”
“The second one,” I said in a small voice. “It’s what I do. When things get heavy, my instinct is to go for the joke. To lighten the mood. I’m so sorry.”
He stared at me again, his brows drawn tight, then he turned away, hands on his hips. “It’s fine. I’m just… tired.”
“It’s not fine and you don’t have to be tired to be mad,” I said, slipping into his arms. “You should be mad at me if I do stupid shit. We’ll still be okay. And I promise to think before I do any more stupid shit. And then not do it.”
He nodded stiffly and pulled away. “It’s early yet,” he said. “Let’s go out to… wherever you want to go next.”
“Wait, Jimmy. We should talk.”
“About what? I freaked out, and you apologized. Nothing to talk about.”
“You’ve been off and on, all day,” I said. “Sometimes right here with me, and sometimes a million miles away. Or even angry with me.”
“I’m not.”
“Since breakfast, when I talked about my life before the accident. I was thinking, maybe you wanted to talk about yours too. Maybe you need to—”
“I don’t.”
“Jimmy…”
“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s done.”
“Yes, but—”
“Why is it important, Thea? Just drop it.”
I stared. “Why is it important? Because you are. You’re important to me.” He started to turn, but I grabbed his arm. “No. We’re going to talk about this.”
“About what? My fucked-up childhood?”
“Yes,” I cried. “Or whatever it is that’s making you so upset right now.”
“You want to hear about it, Thea? Why? What fucking difference will it make?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “But it will. Because I care about you.”
He flinched as if the words whipped him. “You want to know what it was like? Fine. Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about how one foster mother came home from her job every day and locked me in a closet until dinner so she wouldn’t have to deal with me. Or about the racist asshole who saw me hanging out with a black friend after school when I was in third grade. He chained me to a fence in the backyard in the dead of winter and said he’d leave me there for a week if he saw me with that friend again. Or how about Doris, the foster mother I was with the longest? She insulted me day in, day out until I thought my n-n-name was Fucking Moron, or Big Dummy. She made sure I knew every fucking day of my life that I was n-n-nothing and no one.”
His skin reddened, his face a mask of rage and humiliation.
“And this f-f-fucking stutter,” he seethed. “Are you listening to it, Thea? Is this the shit you want t-t-to hear?”
“Yes,” I said, tears streaming down my cheeks and my voice quavering. “Yes, I want to hear it.”
“It’s fucking pathetic.”
“It’s not. It’s what happened to you and it matters.”
“Yeah, it happened, Thea,” he said, breathing heavily, in and out. “You wanted to know what it was like? That’s what it was like. That’s what I know. That’s life.”
“So is this,” I whispered. “You and me. Right here. Now.”
He stared at me and my heart broke for him, ached for him. Yet it filled with a fierce pride that he had endured all that he had and didn’t let it turn him rotten. He was still a good man.
The best kind. He deserves everything.
I moved in. My hands holding his face, my forehead pressed to his. His eyes fell shut.
“I’m going to fuck it up,” he said hoarsely. “Or your meds are going to fail.”
“Neither of those things is going to happen,” I said. “Or they both might. Or maybe I’ll fuck us up with one too many bad jokes. But we can’t live waiting around for that.”
He pulled back enough to hold me with his hands and his gaze. “I’ve never had anything as good as this.”
“Neither have I,” I said. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Ever.” I kissed him once. Twice. “I’m scared too. But let me…”
Love you.
“… take care of you.”
I kissed his lips. Each corner of his mouth.
“Please, let me. Let me be there for you the same way you’ve been there for me. You brought me back to life.”
“God, Thea.” He kissed me between words. “You’re doing the same.”
His hands came up, one in my hair, the other at the small of my back. Pressing me to him. I felt the need in him ignite under mine that roamed his back, his neck, his hair.
“We’ll take care of each other.” My head fell back as his mouth moved over my neck. “No matter what happens.”
His arms around my waist tightened. I took his strong, chiseled jaw in my hands and kissed him slow and deep, giving him everything. Sealing a promise to him.
He made a sound, deep in his chest, and then his kiss turned hard and biting. I whimpered into at the flush of heat that surged through me. Again and again, he took my mouth with his magnetic, sucking pull that made me dizzy and delirious. He stripped me out of my shirt. I tugged his over his head.
“Shower,” I murmured as his hands roamed me. “I want you in the shower. Like the rain of our first night…”
We moved to the bathroom, stripping each other of clothes as we went. I turned on the water, and we stood under the stream, skin to skin, wrapped tightly in each other. I felt his cock between my legs, huge and hard, but I forced myself to slip out of his embrace.
“I’m going to take care of you,” I said. “Right now.”