See? Your soul knows I'm here, Emma. It reaches for me. It calls to me. Listen to it.
Her left arm stretched across the mattress, her hand dangling over the side. He reached out and tentatively touched it, stroking his fingers across her soft skin. She sighed again and he watched her face carefully, but she stayed asleep.
This was a bad idea. If he started touching her, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop. But he also couldn't leave. He felt rooted to the spot, so close to her, yet so far away. What if tomorrow was the day her heart forgot him completely? What if this was the last time her soul reached out for him?
He sat back on his haunches and held her hand for a long time. Then he shifted around so he was sitting down. Then laying down. He took a deep breath, then cautiously slid under the bed, holding her hand the whole time.
He moved so he was laying directly beneath her sleeping form, and with his free hand, he pressed his palm to the box spring above him. Imagined he could feel her heat and her strength. Then he pressed his palm to his chest and let his eyes fall shut.
I'm here, Emma. I'm with you. Always with you. Just believe in me. Have faith in me. Wait for me. Do that, and everything will turn out alright.
6
EMMA SAT STRAIGHT UP in bed, gasping, her hand pressed to her chest. She'd been dreaming. Dreaming about ...
Nothing. It was just black. Wasn't it?
“Emma?”
Startled, she jerked to the side and almost fell off the bed. Jerry was standing in the bedroom doorway. She hadn't heard him speak directly to her in so long, it was unnerving. What time was it, anyway? Sunlight was pouring in around the blinds.
“Um, yes, hi, what?” she babbled, scratching her fingers through her hair.
“We leave in a little bit,” he reminded her, glancing meaningfully at his watch. She looked at her phone, taking in the time. They had to be on the road to Sunshine Ranch within the next ten minutes if they wanted to get there on schedule. Why hadn't her alarm gone off? Why hadn't anyone woken her up?
“Shit, I'm sorry. Two seconds and I'll be good to go,” she grumbled as she jumped to her feet. She went to rush around the bed and abruptly rammed into the computer chair. She hadn't known it was there. She stumbled over it and around it, doing an awkward dance.
What the fuck? Did I pull it out before I went to bed? I need to slow down on the Ambien.
“Good. That's ... good, Emma. I know things haven't been ... easy,” Jerry seemed nervous. Like he was being very particular about which words he wanted to use. She avoided eye contact as she flew around the room, pulling on the first items of clothing she came across and hopping into a pair of flats.
“I'm sorry about that,” she prattled, grabbing a brush and dragging it through her hair. “I kinda ruined your first year of marriage, and that's not okay, but I'm going to -”
Jerry held up his hand, halting her in mid-sentence, and interrupted with, “none of that matters. You're what's important. You and Paul, of course. I never told you this, Emma, but from the first moment I met you, I thought you were special.”
Emma froze with the brush still in her hair. This was it. This was the moment she'd been dreading. Jerry was going to hit on her, and she'd have to kill him, then Church would come and kill her.
Would that really be so bad? Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a long, dark, sleep ...
But Jerry wasn't finished.
“The way you ... handled your mother. The way you interacted with me and everyone around you. Your strength and resilience. You've had a hard life, Emma, and I just knew ... I knew I could make it better for you. Just like I knew you could make life better for my son. I had high hopes you would find some sort of peace in each other. Something to quiet your restless souls. You match, you see. The two of you. I recognized it instantly the first time you and I met. I knew then I had to marry your mother, that you had to come home with me. For Paul.”
Emma realized she was holding her breath. Jerry wasn't hitting on her. No, far from it. Jerry was telling her he understood her, and had done so for longer than she'd ever realized. He'd purposefully brought her home for Church.
Does he know that? Does he know his father chose me for him? Who the fuck are you, Jerry Logan?
“Then I'm even more sorry,” she spoke slowly, afraid she might scare him away. “I wasn't enough for your son. Or maybe I was too much. I'm sorry I scared him away.”
And then the most shocking thing of all happened.
Jerry burst out laughing.
“Oh Emma,” he wheezed, pulling off his glasses so he could wipe at his eyes. “If you think it's even possible to scare Church, then you really don't know my son.”
CHURCH KNEW HE GENERALLY took after his mother. She was a little tall for a woman, and slender. He was tall, and he was slender. She had dark hair, bordering on naturally black – so did he. She had big blue eyes. Both Church and his half-sister, Lizzie, had large eyes, fringed in dark lashes. They were very much their mother's children.
But just now, while staring across the vehicle at his father, Church realized something.
Without his glasses obscuring them, Jerry Logan had very blue eyes. Bright blue. Electric even.
I have my father's eyes. I never realized it.
“How are things?” Jerry asked, using a paper napkin to clean his lenses. Church watched the wiping motion and kept his mouth shut. “Going well, no doubt. Emma's doing well, in case you hadn't realized. Very well. It's almost ... impressive. She has a very good doctor. I didn't realize until I looked him up online, but he's quite distinguished, apparently. He seems to be working wonders with her. She's confused, but he believes she's coming into her own, finding her inner strength. By the time this is all over, she won't have any use for you.”
Church's eyes lifted back to his father's, trying to look into them and read something. But another quality they seemed to share was the ability to hide their thoughts and emotions. If Church had perfected the blank stare, well, then Jerry had invented it.
“Use for me? I'm not even present,” he finally spoke, clearing his throat as he did so. Jerry snorted.
“You know what I mean. Don't be obtuse, it doesn't suit you.”
“Alright. So this doctor is convincing her she's a complete person without me. I'm not sure how this is your concern,” Church tried a different route.
“I suppose it's not. But you are my concern, and since your happiness and well being hinges on Emma, that makes her my concern, as well.”
“My happiness and well being?”
“She won't wait for you forever,” Jerry plowed right along. “You know that, right? She's confused and she's upset and she has this doctor telling her she doesn't need the only person she ever thought she did. Eventually, she'll believe him.”
“She won't,” Church breathed, then he cleared his throat again. “She won't. She believes in me. I have faith in that.”
“Do you? I suppose that's good, but faith can't work miracles by itself. It needs a little help. A little effort on your part. Effort I haven't been seeing.”