“I’d bet a hundred grand your water broke.”
My mouth dropped open, one part of my brain processing the idea that my water had broken, and the other focusing on the most inconsequential piece of what he’d said. “A hundred—do you seriously go around betting that much money on silly things?”
“On a sure thing.” Vasily winked, patting me on the shoulder. “And keep in mind, he’s talking about a 100 Grand candy bar, not money.”
“Is the baby coming then?” Ivan twisted back and forth as if he was about to run and do something, then changing his mind. “What do we need to do?”
“First, calm the fuck down.” Joey gave Ivan a shove and focused on me. Since he’d been the only one of the brothers who had actually experienced labor, I trusted him and focused my anxious brain on his words. “Second, let’s get you to your room, and someone will call the doctor.” He looked at his brothers expectantly.
“Got it.” Vasily raised his phone.
With Joey on one side and Ivan on the other, we started walking up the stairs. “You know, now that I’m aware of it, things definitely don’t feel right. I feel like I’ve got to take the biggest crap of my life.”
“Don’t!” Joey’s hands spasmed.
“I wasn’t going to. I am an adult. I don’t just poop in my underwear. Except one time, but I was really drunk and I’d eaten a ton of spicy curry a couple hours before, and I absolutely learned my lesson.”
“Well, it’s less about the poop thing and more about the accidentally pushing your baby out while you’re climbing the stairs.”
I froze mid-step, bringing us all to a stop, and squeezed my butt cheeks together as tight as they would go. “Say what now?”
“Don’t worry about it. As long as you’re not actively pushing, you should be fine.”
“Then why did you say that about having my baby on the stairs?” My voice rose into squeaky wheel range. “I’m not going to have my baby on the stairs! I can’t walk! What if I step too hard and whoops? And the baby falls out and tumbles down the stairs and what kind of therapy will Alexei need in twenty years?”
Joey scrubbed his hand through his hair. “That wouldn’t happen. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You’re probably nowhere near ready to push. There’s a lot of pain before we get to that point, and you’re tiny. It’s going to take a lot of pushing for you. You’ll know the baby is almost here when you feel like you’re dying.”
I’d read about the whole birth process. I was well aware of the “ring of fire.” But now that the time had come, I clutched Ivan’s arm. “I change my mind about wanting a natural birth. I want drugs. Now. Before I go a step further.”
“Tanner, you can’t stay on the stairs until the doctor gets here—”
Ivan didn’t bother arguing. He scooped me up in his arms, not even phased by my extra weight or bulkiness. “I got this.”
He marched steadily up toward our room, Joey on his heels.
“The doc’s on his way,” Vasily yelled up the stairs.
Ivan sat me gently on the bed. “What now, Joey?”
Joey looked amused, nonchalantly examining his fingernails, obviously enjoying the moment of his big brother asking him what to do. “Well, you should probably take his pants off. That seems like a good place to start.”
Ivan nodded, but didn’t do anything. I slipped my fingers under my waistband and started tugging them down. He grabbed my hand. “Wait. Josef, aren’t you going to turn around?”
Joey rolled his eyes. “For fuck’s sake. We’re both omegas.” But he turned around.
Ivan turned me around and had me bend over the mattress. He wiggled my wet pants and underwear down my legs while I held onto the bed, but froze with them around my knees. He was silent for a few beats, sounding nervous when he finally spoke. “Uhh… Joey?”
I grabbed fistfuls of the sheets and looked over my shoulder, my anxiety spiking along with another contraction. “What’s ‘uh’? That’s not a good sound. Why are you making a not good sound?”
“Am I allowed to turn around?” Joey turned his head just a bit. “It kinda looks like Tanner’s half naked.”
“Is there supposed to be a head already?” Ivan’s voice shook.
“There’s a what?” I thrust my hands between my legs, feeling around. “Oh my god… that’s sticky. Is it supposed to be sticky?”
“For fuck’s sake.” Joey turned completely around. “You better not punch me for looking at your mate, because you’re seriously freaking me out.” He hovered over Ivan’s shoulder and his Adam’s apple bobbed dramatically. “Well. That’s… unexpected.”
“Is that my baby’s fucking head between my legs or not?” I asked.
“Unless you’re taking a hairy shit, yeah. The baby is halfway here,” Joey said.
“Where’s the doctor? We need the doctor.” Ivan left my pants around my knees and started for the door.
“Don’t leave me!” I shouted.
He spun around. “Right. Mate comes first. Joey, you go get the doctor.”
“He better not leave me, either! Of the two of you, at least Joey has some clue what he’s doing.” I wasn’t going to remind him that I’d suggested we watch birthing videos or maybe even bring in a Lamaze instructor. I understood our household being on lockdown and not wanting strangers around right now, but a little advance preparation would’ve been nice.
We were supposed to still have time. Another week, or at least a few days.
“Yeah.” Joey’s hair was standing on end from rubbing his hands through it so much. “We need… uh… are you really not in pain, Tanner?”
“I was but now I don’t know if I am or not anymore. I’m too busy freaking out about my kid trying to drop outta me like he’s a seeded grape slipping out of his skin.”
Ivan’s face went white, and he started swaying. “I think I…”
“Oh no. You don’t get to fucking faint on me.” Joey grabbed one shoulder and smacked him across the face. “Wake up. It’s go time, bro. Baby is coming, with or without you and it better be fucking with you. Get someone to bring us warm water, that baby soap we use on the kids, some soft towels, and latex gloves if we have any. We should.”
As Ivan ran for the door, I decided I was okay with him going now. Alexei would need the things he’d been sent to get. I panted and turned to Joey. “I feel like I gotta push.”
He grabbed my pants and helped me get them the rest of the way off. “If you’ve got to push, then you should push.”
It didn’t take much. Ivan ran back into the room just in time to watch Joey grab the baby’s shoulders and finish pulling him all the way out. I looked back at my strange, sticky son, then looked to my mate with a giant grin. Only to see his eyes roll back into his head before his knees gave out and he crashed to the floor.
Tony had followed Ivan up the stairs, his hands full of supplies. “He was supposed to bring these and forgot.” He shook his head with a laugh and stepped carefully over Ivan’s unconscious body.