My husband is living in denial, and I don’t know if I have the patience in me to help him get out of it, not after what he’s done, not after I’ve been standing by his side with blinders on while the shoe dropped without me knowing.
And that saddens me to the point I swing right back to angry.
“I despise you right now. The sight of you makes me sick, Mason. You and the woman who believes in you as you so coldly put it, chose the possible outcome of hurting yourself and ruining what we have without including me. Me, the one person in this world you should be able to talk to no matter how hard it is. You chose to bring someone else into our marriage. Someone we agreed there wasn’t a need for anymore. How could you go to her before coming to me? How could you say she believes in you when she knows the truth behind why you retired? That doesn’t sound like an agent looking out for a client’s best interest. That sounds like someone who wants a bigger piece of the pie — someone who wants her client’s wife out of the way so she can stand proudly by Mason ‘The Madman’ Whitaker’s side. The Faithful, fateful fighter. Aren’t you lucky to have a woman like her to believe in you.”
I gasp for breath. God, I need out of here. The room is smothering me to death right along with his secrets and lies.
“Jesus Christ, you are reading way too much into this. She isn’t in our marriage, Eden, no one is. It has always been you and me. Natalie and I don’t have that kind of relationship, and you know it. If she wanted me in the way you're implying, don’t you think she would have tried something before now?” He shakes his head — disbelief creasing the corners of his eyes.
He confided in her and not me.
Not me.
That is all I hear.
“I know no such thing, not anymore. I mean, gee whiz Mason, after all, Natalie, your agent is your biggest supporter. I have never once second-guessed your relationship with her until now. I never once questioned when you’d have lunch with her because I understood how important she is to you. You went to Natalie when it should have been me. If you can’t see how wrong that is, then we are finished here. You and that bitch can take this life and go to hell.”
I’ll be giving his agent a piece of my mind with a fist to her perfect little face the next time I see her.
I hope I don’t see her again, to be honest. Having Natalie out of my life has been peaceful, and now she is right back in control of my husband. If anyone has blinders on, it’s him when it comes to that woman.
“You are talking fools talk, Eden. I would never cheat on you. How could I when I’ve been fucking you nearly every day to try and give you a baby.”
A sob erupts from my throat, and I swear right here, and now my heart stops beating and crashes to the floor. I can feel all of me slowly dying as those heavy-hitting words have far surpassed destroying me. They’ve disintegrated everything that makes up our marriage.
Communication and trust. Honesty and selflessness. The list is endless. Mason has ripped them all to shreds.
Broken promises.
“You asshole. You piece of lying shit.”
“Damn it; I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, this is escalating, Eden, and I don’t like it.”
Well, there’s something we can agree on.
“And you think I like it? I hate it, Mason. I hate it as much as I do you right now.” I eye him furiously — fumes blowing out of my ears while the rest of me freezes as if he dumped an ice bucket on top of me. My pulse goes sluggish, my heart failing to keep a steady beat. It won’t be long before I start to hyperventilate from shock.
Mason reaches for me, but I slap his hands away. I need a break from him and this city; this is too much for me.
“Baby, please.”
“No, don’t you dare call me that. You don’t have the right any more than you do to touch me. It’s too late to try and plead with me. How dare you stand there and lie to my face the way you’ve been lying for God knows how long. You don’t want a child, Mason, admit it. You want what you want and the hell with me. At least you found someone good to be in your corner. Natalie will make sure to give you everything you need. Let her be there for you, Mason. Let her take care of you if something happens. If you expect me to be there for you, if you even think for one second I believe in you anymore, in what I thought we were, then you can go fuck your self-pity, and you can take every dime you’ve made with you.”
He grimaces. My words and action strike him deep. Good, I hope he feels the hurt so deep in his soul that he crumbles to his feet.
“Take it back. You don’t mean any of that, Eden.”
Before this, I never did, but now I do.
“No. You take back all the lies you’ve told me. Except you can’t. You fed me lie, after lie. I should thank you for it because at the rate you are going with all these lies, I’m thankful we don’t have any children. You broke us, and I will never forgive you for it.”
Mason stumbles back as if I struck him. I close my eyes, wishing I could take some of the words back about not wanting to have a child, but I can’t, the same as he can’t take back what he did.
I’m on a roll, so I keep on.
“Not once have I stood in the way of your career. I’ve been there every step of the way. I am your wife, and I will not stand by and watch you put your fate back in the hands of boxing. You want to take a chance on your life over me. I am not okay with that. I will never be okay with that, Mason.” I scream so loud I swear I hear my throat rip.
I would rather live childless than to live without Mason in this world, and that is the God’s honest truth.
Emotions burn my eyes. My heart is trying to beat its way out of the box full of pain he’s harshly shoved me in. I will never forgive him for betraying me by going to Natalie or for lying.
Never.
Mason stands there, a shocking expression on his face. Like he’s suddenly at a loss for words. As if I’ve just plowed a fist through his heart instead of him crushing mine.
Swallowing hard, I pry myself from my spot. Every part of my body is shaking as I kick off my heels, stomp right past him, and into the closet to quickly change.
“How could you do this to us? How could you lie to me about something like this? God, I’m a fool. I’m afraid to ask how many more lies you have behind your tongue. Have you been sparring behind my back too? How many times have you gotten punched in the head since the last fight, Mason, because I’m beginning to wonder if you’ve forgotten who it is your married too? Can you even answer me truthfully, or should I go ask Natalie to explain everything? I bet she’d be all too happy to tell me the truth.”
I am empty. Lies, they reel me in, stamping on my heart. My marriage isn’t what I thought it was. It’s broken vows; it’s trust destroyed — a sense of reality I have to grasp hold of before I fall.
And that’s what will happen. I’m going to fall face-first into the pool of lies and deceit and loyalty to a marriage that fell apart without me knowing.
My husband severed our vows. I can’t bear to think what else he’s hiding.
“For fuck’s sake, no, I haven’t been sparring. You're ridiculous. Of course, I know who my wife is. It’s one more match, Eden. One that won’t happen overnight. You know how long it takes to put one together. If I were to box, nothing would happen to me, I promise.”