“And what if Sir Ronald chooses Georgiana? What then, Clara?”
She said nothing, but looked away. How could I have foreseen everything falling apart like this? I had to tell her everything. To make her understand why this match with David was necessary, whether I wanted it or not. Clara did not deserve for her world to be torn apart. But we were out of time.
I pressed my palms to my eyes, forcing back the emotion that rose in my throat. My voice came out soft, pained. “Lord Gray is dying. He told me so himself before we left. And the letter I just received from Mr. Jones confirms that Lord Gray will leave us any day. Evelyn was at the concert hall with Trenton, which means our cousin has been summoned. I thought to return, to beg for mercy, for any sort of livelihood, but Mr. Jones informed me that Lord Gray has forbidden it. He wishes to never see us again.”
“What?” Clara’s jaw opened in shock.
I reached out to her. “This arrangement with Mr. Pendleton is the only way I know we will be safe.”
“We will work. Together.” Clara was erratic, disbelieving as she tried to make sense of everything I’d kept secret.
I shook my head. “You do not understand, and I am glad you do not. Clara, one of us must be able to support the other or we will be separated. And I cannot lose you. I won’t.”
“Sir Ronald will offer for me,” Clara said willfully, holding herself in her arms.
“Even if he does, do you honestly think he can support the both of us?” The question stung, but it needed to be asked.
“It would take some sacrifice, but yes.”
“I do not wish to be sacrificed for either. David will provide a home for me, and it is a path I choose for myself as much as for you. If things do not work out here, he lives more than a day’s travel from them. He is not close friends with Sir Ronald. You need never see them if you wish.”
Clara shook her head, disappointed. “Is there no one else you admire? No one you could make an arrangement with, someone who is not a complete stranger?”
I said his name before thinking, “Mr. Wood.”
Clara sighed. “This is not a time to joke, Amelia. I am in earnest. A connection with the Woods would be worse than servitude.” Her words were tiny needles pricking at my heart.
“Mr. Pendleton asked me to consider carefully his offer and send word when I have come to a decision. I mean to do that tomorrow. And you shall be the first to know.”
Clara let out a small huff, clearly dissatisfied. “Fine.”
“Can you ever forgive me?” I asked. “I only wanted to give you a fortnight here without worry. I’d hoped we’d have more time to plan than this.”
“I forgive you,” she whispered, emotion thickening her voice. “And I am sorry, Amelia. You should not have carried this burden alone. And you should not have to marry a stranger.”
Clara pulled me into an embrace, and I felt her shoulders shake with emotion.
This will all be a memory one day, I thought. We will yet grow stronger for it.
“There must be happiness ahead,” I replied, more to myself than to Clara. I thought of Peter and the conversation we’d had in the creek about our families and our hopes. What I wouldn’t give to go back to that day.
To stay in that moment.
To be free.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I skipped breakfast and stayed in my room all afternoon, having no desire to face Peter. I knew any conversation with him would result in misery. If he was unaffected by the news of my impending engagement, my heart would ache to have lost his favor. If he was upset by it, I’d endure hope that we would continue on as before.
Amid the struggle, I could not silence the voice in my head that told me I’d made a grand mistake, that I needed to give Peter a chance to react to my circumstances, knowing them fully. Perhaps nothing would change. But what if, together, we could find a solution to all our problems?
I sighed, pulling out a book of poems from my table drawer. Admitting my circumstances was a risk not only for me, but for Clara as well.
Try as I might to hide away, a knock on my door interrupted my late afternoon reading.
“You’ll have to forgive my intrusion,” Georgiana said, stepping over my threshold uninvited. “But you’ve stirred up quite the gossip downstairs. Only no one will come up to claim your company. No one who is able, that is. I’ve had to stifle Peter more than once to keep him from ruining himself.” Georgiana sniffed as she took a chair by my unlit hearth. “You look awful.”
Touching my hair, loosely pinned and frizzled from a day of neglect, I guffawed at Georgiana’s blatant honesty. “Thank you, Georgiana. For your surprising visit, and your humble compliment.”
She returned my smile, but without warmth. “Let’s get right to it, shall we? Have you accepted Mr. Pendleton?”
So Clara hadn’t told all. “That is my business, and mine alone.”
“Not when it affects my brother, it is not.”
“How could my engagement to Mr. Pendleton affect your brother?”
“Don’t be daft, Amelia. He follows you around like you are royalty, and though it has taken me some time to notice, it is clear he admires you greatly.”
I dropped my gaze to the floor. “Admires me, perhaps. But he does not know my circumstances. He would not love me, if he knew.”
“I am in no mood to be mysterious,” Georgiana snapped. “You are a fool if you reject Mr. Pendleton.”
“You speak with such certainty. Forgive me if I do not trust the tongue of a serpent.” My words were brash, but I’d had quite enough of Georgiana’s interference today.
A slow smile curved her lips. “You should. I am only trying to help you see what is best for you. And for your sister.”
My hands were in fists, my teeth clenched. “Rest assured, I am doing what is best.”
“Have you accepted Mr. Pendleton? That is all I want to know.”
I walked to the door, opening it fully for her to leave. “I have not. Yet. I am still considering his offer. Go and tell your gossiping throngs the news with my best regards.”
Georgiana stood and sauntered to the door. Had she slowed her pace any more, the door would have surely hit her on her way out. As it was, I stomped directly to my bed, throwing my face into my pillow to stifle the scream that arose in my throat.
I felt like a coward as I entered the drawing room before dinner.
Before I had the chance to find Peter, Lady Demsworth pulled me into an embrace.
“My darling, I heard the news. How exciting! David seemed absolutely delighted by you. If only he could have stayed for the ball tomorrow. I just know you two shall be the happiest of companions.”