So why the hell did I feel the first twinge of regret at having to hide the fact that we were together? It didn't make sense because we weren't together. We were just having fun, nothing more.
Weren't we?
Chapter Fifteen
Addy
The palms of my hands were sweaty and I wanted to blame it on the heat and humidity that blanketed everything as we walked up Chartres Street toward the small restaurant and bar where we were supposed to meet Nathan and his friends. Maybe the weather had a little something to do with it but I couldn't entirely blame it on that, not when a whole nest of butterflies had taken up residence in my stomach and were now fluttering around along with every nerve I possessed. I pulled a tissue from the small purse I wore crossbody style and quickly dried my palms on it, telling myself it was foolish to be nervous.
But telling didn't make it so.
Nathan would be there, I just knew it—no matter how much my stomach tilted and whirled with uncertainty. After all, I'd been just as sure over a week ago and that had gotten me nothing but disappointment, heartache, and a bit of a hangover. Of course, things had changed since then. At least, I thought they had. And I thought that whatever had changed was a good thing. Something had shifted in our relationship, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I'd felt it the other day with Nathan, long into the late night and early morning hours before he reluctantly drove me home. It was there, in his lingering touches. In his tender kisses. In the play of light and shadows that filled his piercing blue eyes when he looked at me. I had no name for it but not being able to name it didn't mean it wasn't there.
Unless I was simply being foolish and letting my hopeless imagination run away with me. The brutal sharpness of that thought caused me to stumble on the uneven sidewalk. Jacqui's hand wrapped around my arm, stopping me before I face-planted. Her eyes were covered by a pair of dark, oversized sunglasses but they didn't hide her amusement, especially when the corners of her mouth curled up.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were nervous."
"Nervous? Not me. Why would I be nervous?"
"No reason. Unless you're worried he won't be there."
"He'll be there."
"Hmm."
Her small hum irritated me enough that I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and jammed both hands on my hips. "He will be. You saw the text."
"Did I say otherwise?"
"Not in so many words, no. But that little hum says it all."
"Hmm."
I narrowed my gaze in warning. "Jacqui—"
"Don't go getting all bent out of shape, cher. I'm not the who's so nervous I'm tripping over my own two feet."
I started to point out again that I wasn't nervous then let the words die in my throat before saying them. The truth was, I was a little nervous and I didn't understand why. It had nothing to do with the possibility that Nathan wouldn't be there. Well, okay, maybe that had a little something to do with it, considering I'd been so sure he'd be there last week, too. But he'd sent me a text forty minutes ago—we had each other's numbers now—saying he was on his way. That didn't mean he wouldn't change his mind but I was fairly certain my odd nervousness was about something else.
The problem was, I didn't know what that something else could be.
I'd been gripped by an odd sensation that something was about to change a few hours ago. That sensation had only grown stronger since getting Nathan's text, prickling my skin and dancing up and down my spine. There was no explanation for it but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't dismiss it. It sounded like a horridly twisted cliché but it felt like I was about to turn a corner and once I did, there would be no turning back the clock.
Like I was about to open a door that I wouldn't be able to close.
Like I was turning the bow of my ship straight into a raging squall instead of aiming for sunnier skies.
And could I possibly come up with any more horrendously butchered sayings? Yes, maybe—if I kept standing here in the middle of the sidewalk, getting jostled by tourists in a hurry to get to Jackson Square.
Jacqui must have finally lost her patience at being elbowed by tourists because she grabbed my arm and led me out of the flow of traffic. She pulled her glasses off and anchored them in her hair then dipped her head and looked at me. Really looked at me, like she was trying to read into every nook and cranny of my overworked brain.
"Out with it, Addy. What's going on?"
"Nothing. Why?"
"Because you've completely lost all color from your face and that poor tissue in your hand is a hair's breadth from final mutilation. This isn't like you. Now tell me what's going on. Why are you so nervous?"
I thought about telling her—again—that I wasn't then gave up. "That's just it: I don't know."
"You don't know why you're nervous?"
"No, and it doesn't make any sense. I've been so excited about seeing Nathan this evening and about having you meet him. I shouldn't be nervous."
"But?"
I lowered my gaze and shrugged. "I guess part of me is. It almost feels like something is about to change, something I won't be able to stop when it does, and I'm not sure I'm going to like it when that happens."
"Are you sure that's not your guilty conscience nagging at you?"
My head jerked up at her words. "What are you talking about?"
"Your guilty conscience."
"Why would I feel guilty?"
"Oh, I don't know. Let's see." She raised one hand and started counting off on her fingers. "Getting involved with one of your daddy's players. Sneaking around to see him. Lying about it—"
"I haven't lied."
"Not even to yourself?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I think you're more hung up on this guy than you want to admit, cher."
"I'm not." I shook my head and repeated the words for emphasis. "I'm not. We're just having fun, that's all."
"'The lady doth protest too much, methinks.' Addy, in all the time I've known you, I've never seen you this excited about anyone. You're practically mooning over him."
"I certainly am not."
"Mm-hmm. That's why you were moping around all last week and why you've been climbing the walls and bouncing up and down the last two days."
"So I like him. So what?"
"I just wonder if maybe he's not the only one enthralled with the idea of tasting the forbidden fruit."
"What are you talking about?"
"He's supposed to be off-limits, Addy. You said so yourself. Are you sure that allure doesn't have anything to do with it?"
"Of course not. Don't be silly. I didn't even know he was one of Daddy's players until Saturday night." I brushed off the idea—and the rest of her concerns—with a quick shake of my head. I could do denial with the best of them, especially when it was so easy to convince myself that everything Jacqui was saying didn't apply to me.
I wasn't mooning over Nathan and I certainly wasn't hung up on him. As for the rest—okay, technically I shouldn't be seeing him but even if Daddy did find out, so what? He might be a little mad but that was because he'd somehow convinced himself I would be a perfect match for Quinn. And while I had no idea what was behind that sudden obsession, I had no doubt he'd eventually get over it. Besides, it wasn't like I was foolish enough to think of a future with Nathan. Yes, I liked him. But we were just having fun.