So many nights of easy laughter, silly wrestling matches, and puppy piles while watching movies were driving him insane. He could feel their desire. Some nights it tasted thicker than blood on his tongue, but it had to be for each other. River had come so far in finally trusting him, relaxing around him. When Wyatt looked at him, it was with eyes of trust and friendship.
And Bel wouldn’t break that trust and friendship by trying to insinuate himself into their happy relationship.
They weren’t his to want.
They belonged to each other.
And he would never do anything to ruin the beautiful thing they had found together.
God, was this penance?
Not that he believed in God, but if there was such a thing, this could be his punishment for failing to find a cure for his mother. It had to be what Aiden felt for years. To have the woman he loved so much close at all times, and yet he could never have her. How had his father not lost his mind after all these years?
Bel had survived only a month and felt like he was going to shatter.
“There’s the handsome man I wanted you to meet.”
Rafe’s voice had Bel’s eyes blinking open. A handsome man stood beside him with a slightly glazed look in his eyes, indicating that he was either high as a kite or already under Rafe’s spell. The shoulder-length brown hair and broad shoulders were nice, but Bel’s mind was already picking apart all the ways that he wasn’t as handsome as Wyatt. His nose was too large, and his lips were too thin. He wasn’t tall enough. At least two inches too short.
Bel slammed the door shut on that kind of thinking. He was here to feed and nothing more. “He’ll do,” Bel forced himself to say when his heart was screaming no.
Grabbing the man’s arm, he shoved him against the wall and Bel fell on him before he could react, sinking his fangs in deep. The blood rushed down his throat, but there was none of the normal relief. It tasted like acid on his tongue. The man’s cologne tickled his nose, and all he could think was that he didn’t smell like Wyatt or River. The hands gripping him didn’t feel like theirs either.
This was all wrong.
It was bad enough to use this person for his blood, but to steal it away because he had a faint resemblance to another person just made it worse.
Choking on the swallow of blood already in his mouth, Bel quickly healed the wound and stepped away from the man. “I can’t do this,” he whispered. He tried to leave, but Rafe’s hand clamped on his arm, stopping him. There was a flurry of whispered words as Rafe quickly wiped the man’s memory of what had just happened and sent him back into the nightclub.
Rafe pulled him along, up the stairs to his private office on the second floor. There was no arguing or fighting with him. Bel didn’t want to talk, but Rafe wasn’t someone who took no for an answer. If Bel didn’t talk to him now, Rafe would follow him home, and that would just make everything worse.
His brother didn’t release his arm until they were inside the office and the door was closed. A blessed silence fell over them, and some of the tension pulling Bel’s shoulders tight eased. He walked straight to the wall of windows that looked over the dance floor below. Better than trying to meet his brother’s gaze at that moment.
Behind him, he could hear ice hitting glass following by a rush of liquid. Rafe appeared at his side a minute later, shoving a tumbler of amber alcohol into his hand.
To his great relief, Rafe didn’t say anything. He wrapped his free arm around Bel’s shoulders and pulled him in close, resting his head against Bel’s. Closing his eyes, Bel soaked in his twin’s wordless comfort. Over the long years, they’d all had bad nights and not asked a lot of questions. Most of the time, their pain had been linked to their mother. She’d hurt them all time and again, though it wasn’t her fault. And if she wasn’t physically hurting them, just being around her could be emotionally draining. Knowing that she was no longer the person who had loved and cared for them.
And even after all the ways she’d hurt them since becoming a vampire, Bel found that he still missed her now that she was dead. The love had never died.
“Do you think Aiden was ever happy when she was a vampire?” Bel softly asked.
“I think he found some happiness when he was able to visit with us,” Rafe said after a moment. “I know Marcus would sneak out to visit with him whenever he was somewhat close. He popped by my nightclubs a few times over the years.”
“I saw him too, but the visits were always so brief. On the scale of how long we live, those visits were just the blink of an eye.”
“But they were enough. He made sure they were enough for him. He knew we were happy and safe. That’s all he wanted.”
No, he also wanted Julianna, but he couldn’t have her.
Bel swallowed back those bitter words. He understood what Rafe was saying. Life wasn’t about being happy or having the thing you most desired. Sometimes all a person could do was grab up what little sparks of happiness that could be found and treasure each one of them. Sometimes happiness was only a sip and a tiny taste instead of a great feast.
He couldn’t have Wyatt and River as his own, but he could treasure each smile and laugh. He could be happy that he was providing them a safe place to live and love each other. He could provide opportunities for them to pursue their dreams. And he could be grateful that they allowed him to try to be their friend.
It would be enough.
It had to be enough.
“I should be heading home,” Bel murmured.
Rafe’s hand tightened on his shoulder. “I wish you would talk to me. I can feel your pain.”
“I…” Bel broke off. He didn’t know what to say. At least not the truth. Not yet. “We all have bad nights occasionally.”
“I know.” Rafe released a heavy sigh before dropping his hand from Bel and straightening. “I don’t care how important your experiments are. Don’t miss the next family dinner. You’re the only one who can make Marcus see reason.”
Not true in the slightest, but Bel appreciated the sentiment.
“I’ll be there,” he promised.
Bel turned away from the window and placed his untouched drink on the coffee table in front of the couch on his way to the door.
“I love you, Beltran.”
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob and turned to find Rafe still facing the window, sipping his alcohol. He smiled. It was enough.
“I love you too, Rafe.”
9
Bel tugged at the cuffs of his shirt and touched his bow tie for what felt like the hundredth time. Anxiety gnawed at his nerves. It was time to keep his promise to his brother. He was attending the family dinner…and he’d brought guests.
This was not going to be a smooth night. While he was happy with his two companions, things were going to come to a head very soon. Bel was on the cusp of breaking, and he needed his family’s advice on how to handle the werewolves’ dire situation before he made a critical mistake.
His desire for Wyatt and River had become suffocating. And the more comfortable they became in his house, the worse it was getting. Despite Bel buying them stacks of clothes, both River and Wyatt preferred to walk around the house half-naked. Considering they had to undress to shift, Bel had a feeling that being naked was a very normal thing for werewolves, but they were slowly driving him insane with their sleek, muscular bodies and beautiful skin.