“You’ll do anything to keep us all safe.”
“Yes.” It took an extra second for the deep sadness in Ethan’s voice to register, and his heart skipped. The fresh-faced youth was suddenly gone, and Ethan looked older than all of the Variks.
“I do know firsthand what it’s like to lose all the people you love. I know what it’s like to go to extreme measures to protect people from a threat, to get revenge—and don’t deny that you aren’t looking for a little of that too. It’s natural. They hurt your River, so now you want to hurt them back. Hurt them more.” Ethan paused and shook his head, his eyes falling to the shiny surface of the desk. “I’m begging you, Bel, don’t do it. If you live through it, you will regret it for a long time. I don’t regret becoming a vampire to spend my life with Marcus. I love him. But this long life means that I have a very long time to live with my bad decisions and regrets.”
Now Bel reached for Ethan, wishing he could take away some of the pain. “Ethan, don’t. What happened with Minerva and that bastard from the Humans Protecting Humans League was not your fault. They would have found a way to attack us without you.”
“But they did it with me. I might have tried to protect you by lying to them, but if I’d spoken up sooner, worried less about losing Marcus and more about your safety…everything could have been different.”
Bel sat back in the chair, his eyes locked on the computer screen in front of him without really seeing it. Ethan had a right to want revenge. Minerva and two other vampires had slaughtered his entire family when he’d been a child. He wanted to punish the monsters who hurt his family and stop them from hurting anyone else. But his winding path delivered him on the doorstep of the Variks.
Ethan didn’t give them any critical information, but there was always the question in Bel’s brain: If Ethan had warned them that the League was watching them, would they have been better prepared for an attack? And if they were better prepared, would Julianna Varik now be alive?
But if Julianna was alive, would any of them be where they were now?
Marcus would not have his Ethan. His oldest brother had already been in love with the young man before the attack, but Marcus wouldn’t allow the human or even a fledgling vampire anywhere near him if Julianna was alive. He wouldn’t have risked Ethan’s life.
Rafe would never have gotten his Philippe. His brother had kept a protective barrier around himself at all time, keeping the world at a distance. It was to safeguard the world as much as himself. Rafe would never have allowed Philippe to fall into Julianna’s sights.
And his wolves?
Bel closed his eyes at the phantom ache that throbbed in his chest as disloyal thoughts crowded his brain. He knew without a doubt he would have sent Wyatt and Ethan away immediately. Even if it meant handing over a briefcase of money and a car, he would have tried to get them away from him as quickly as possible.
He would have never known their wonderful touch, would never have enjoyed River’s laughter ringing in his ears, never been wrapped in Wyatt’s loving concern.
If Julianna was still alive, their lives would have been vastly different. But how could he wish his mother dead?
Bel shook his head, trying to break free of the thoughts zipping around his brain. These questions had no satisfactory answers, and there was no point in wondering. Life had turned out this way, and they moved forward.
“Don’t, Ethan. You have nothing to regret. You’re not a killer. You didn’t hurt this family. You’ve brought my brother more joy in a few short months than he’s felt in his entire life. You’ve brought us all joy.”
“But Aiden…”
That stopped Bel short. He straightened in his chair and grabbed Ethan’s arm. “Has he done or said anything to make you think he harbors some kind of ill will?”
“Oh, no!” Ethan said immediately.
“Then you have nothing to worry about. Aiden lost Julianna years ago, decades before you were even born. Aiden loves you as much as the rest of us. You’re one of his sons now.”
“Oh, screw you, Bel,” Ethan said in a huff as he wiped both eyes with the heels of his palms. “That was not the point of this conversation. The point is that you will regret this. I know you’re hurting and scared now, but resurrecting this formula will do more damage than good. It puts you in danger. It puts your family in danger.”
“I have to do something. Re-creating the goo formula will give us an edge.”
“Would your wolves want this?”
“Want what?” River asked as he walked into the office followed by Wyatt.
Bel cringed. He didn’t need to ask. He knew the answer to that question. It was the reason he’d been trying to dig up some remnants of the formula while everyone was asleep.
He looked at his wolves. They both appeared to be freshly showered and awake. Their clothes fit perfectly, showing off broad shoulders and strong arms. He wanted to go to them and snuggle in their arms, but it had to be put on hold because their faces were also full of questions. They would not be put off.
“Bel is trying to recreate a secret formula he has been banned from making or using. The Ministry has declared his life forfeit if he creates it again.”
“Bel!” River exclaimed. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that the Ministry barely exists anymore, and that it’s worth the risk.”
“What does the formula do?” Wyatt asked softly.
“It reacts to a creature’s blood. It works against a vampire’s blood, but I think it could be modified to work against werewolves.”
“It’s a weapon,” Wyatt said dully.
“It’s a weapon that turns a person into a bubbling pile of goo in a matter of seconds,” Ethan clarified. “It’s rather cool in a terrifying kind of way.”
“Holy shit! I know you’re called a mad scientist by your family; I just never thought they were serious,” River said. He backpedaled a couple of steps from the desk, his hands shoved in his hair.
“I’m not a mad scientist,” Bel grumbled. “I didn’t set out to create the formula. I discovered it by accident. I was trying to cure vampirism…and found that.” He finished with a somewhat lame wave of his hand.
“But it’s not an accident if you try to recreate it now. You’ll actually be creating a weapon.” Wyatt’s low voice was more cutting than if he were shouting at him.
Bel planted both palms flat on the desk and pushed to his feet. “A weapon to protect you and River. To protect my family! River was almost killed today! I refuse to allow anyone to hurt either of you again!”
“And we’re not going to allow fear to turn you into a monster,” Wyatt countered. He shook his head, the sadness in his lover’s expression crushing Bel’s heart. “This isn’t you, Bel. Our Bel uses his beautiful brain to save people, not hurt them.”
Bel took a small step backward, flinching at Wyatt’s words. A monster? Did Wyatt really see him as a monster?
Wyatt closed the distance between them in a few quick steps and pulled Bel to his chest, wrapping his arms around him so tight Bel could barely breathe. “Baby, don’t look at me like that,” he whispered, his lips on Bel’s temple. “I love you. I will always love you. I just don’t want you to go down this dark path. River is safe. I am safe. Your family is safe. We will find a way through this.”