“I’m sorry,” I say, hearing the trembling in my voice.
He reaches across the chairs and links our fingers together. “I’m not sorry. I have you.”
Together we sit and watch the lake. I wish the time we have together wasn’t overshadowed by a pending loss telling me to soak up as much of his presence as I can.
Chapter Six
Maverick
I’ve done every one of my tasks today with half-assed attention. It’s been forty-five minutes since Eloise and Russell walked toward the lake and it’s taken every single ounce of restraint I have not to follow.
They need their time together—what little of it they have. I drop my gloves, grab my hat, an old worn cap that Eloise gave me, and take off toward the lake.
It’s been months since Russell’s come out here even though his favorite place is beside that lake. The pain it causes him is excruciating, I’m sure, but I bet he hasn’t let on any of that to Eloise. She sees it, but he’s kept rather quiet about how bad he really is and asked us to do the same.
I rub a tired hand over my face as I take the path of the wildflowers toward the lake.
Russell told me the ranch is mine and asked me to take care of everything. He trusted me with his life’s work. My father hadn’t wanted me. He left me with nothing but his problems—my mother, and his mistakes—my sister. Even six years later, I still bear those burdens.
I took a job with Russell the summer my father left, and the rest is history. Because life is like that—it’s a series of mundane, never-ending, bad shit that has a blip of something good. Like the day Dad left. The day I met Eloise. The moment she let me kiss her. The way she told me she loved me. The words the judge spoke when Betsy legally became mine. When Russell calls me son. The day Eloise returned home.
I recall each of my blips of good in life and know each one of them is temporary as I make my way down to the lake. Dad’s leaving was followed up with the weight of his burdens. Finding, kissing, and falling in love with Eloise left me broken when she moved. Betsy becoming mine is followed up with the responsibility of caring for another human. Having Russell call me son is fading away the sicker he gets, as he too, leaves me behind. Eloise returning home makes my heart beat stronger, which I swear means it’s going to break even harder when she leaves again.
I pause at the top of the hill and watch—my gaze trained on her. Eloise’s head tilts back in laughter. She’s in another one of those summer dresses—her hair spilling down her back. Her red lips part as her father’s story continues. To disturb them would be wrong.
“Maverick,” Eloise yells, her hand resting on her father’s arm as she turns my way. She must have felt my eyes on her because she smiles and waves me over.
I walk down the hill feeling the pull to be closer. “Sounds like I’m missing all the fun while I’ve been workin’.”
As I near them, she shoots me a rueful smile, and Russell turns over his shoulder and looks me up and down. A new gleam in his eyes, I assert to his daughter’s laughter.
“Hello son, I heard something rather interesting today.” Russell’s smirk lifts his lip for the first time in months.
I tip my head to the side, brows lowered, as Eloise’s grip tightens on her father’s arm. “Dad…” her eyes are wide, begging him not to speak. I don’t want to know where this is going.
“What?” I ask, cutting off Eloise’s further protests, although I should let her distract the conversation.
“Oh, Eloise shared with me that you two were really good friends the summer before she left.”
My mouth opens, then closes. Is he upset? Angry that my seventeen-year-old self was friends with his baby girl? Fuck if I know. God, the word friend, isn’t even close to accurate. I was in love with his daughter. I spent my evenings caressing her face and stealing her lips in the deepest of kisses. She was my entire world, my light when life was dark. Despite everything, I had her.
“Well, son?” Russell inquires again at my silence. He raises his brow. “You care to explain why you were sneakin’ around my ranch and messin’ with my daughter?”
Eloise squeezes his arm and shoots me an apologetic expression. “Dad, it was a long time ago, let it be. Remember, we aren’t focusing on the past, right?”
“Eloise, my throat is dry, do you mind runnin’ inside to grab me a drink of water?” She hesitates by looking my way again with her father’s request hanging in the air.
Yeah, he’ll let me have it the moment she leaves. I’m always honest with my friend, and I’d prefer not to do it in her presence.
Russell gives a cough, and Eloise rises from the chair without further argument. “I’ll be right back.” She slides past me and places her hand on the inside of my arm. “I’m sorry. He overheard me talking to Mallory. I mentioned something to her that he heard. I admitted I asked you to come to California with me.”
She leaves and takes off up the hill. When I look back, Russell is watching me closely. “Take a seat, I think we need to talk.”
“Okay.” I take Eloise’s vacated spot, rubbing the spot on my arm where the feel of her touch lingers.
“First, did you love my daughter?” Right to the point.
My response is instant. “Yes.”
“You didn’t tell her about your father?”
“No.”
“You broke her heart.”
That one is more a statement than a question. I glance over my shoulder. It’s quite a walk up to the ranch from here, so I’m stuck for a while. I once loved chats with my friend, but that’s before he found out I was intimate with his daughter.
“Why didn’t you tell her so she would know?” Russell’s questions continue, so I sigh and sit back in my lounge chair.
“She was leaving, and I couldn’t. I wouldn’t abandon my responsibilities, but I wouldn’t hold her back either. Her photography would take her places. I refused to stand in the way of her dreams. So, I told her I didn’t love her.”
“And you’re not going to tell her that was a lie? Are you letting her go again?”
I don’t respond, and Russell shakes his head.
“I’m tired. I’m going inside,” Russell says. I nod and rise to help him stand.
I was right five years ago to let her go, that’s what I’ve convinced myself of anyway. It crushed me to see her so upset and heartbroken, but that was better than her giving up her dreams. Or witnessing my burdens.
By the time I reach the house with Russell, Eloise steps out onto the porch with a glass of ice water.
“Is everything okay?” she asks, her brow lowered in concern. I want to rub my thumb over her brow just to smooth it out. This girl has always been mine, and there hasn’t been another who came close, but I let her go. And the knowledge she isn’t mine anymore is in sharp focus with her back again. When she was away, it was easier to pretend.
“I’m fine, honey, just ready to lie down.” Russell takes her extended arm. I follow them inside and upstairs. After she gets him back to bed and shares a laugh, she meets me out in the hall.