He was silent for a while, pensive. “Maybe she kept him from you because she knew he wouldn’t be a good father to you. Maybe he’d be a bad influence, or maybe she wanted to protect you from him.”
I listened to what he said, the underlying message of his words. “So you think my dad could be…a bad guy?”
“You never know.”
My shoulders slumped, and I muttered, “That sucks, if it’s true.” My eyes turned down, and I stared at the backs of my hands, slowly turning them to view my palms. My fingerprints. What made me me.
I acted a bit rash at times. Occasionally my temper got the best of me. What if all of my bad traits were from him? What if Jacob was right and my dad was not a good man? If, all these years, Mom kept me under her wing because she was afraid I’d turn out like him? After all, it wasn’t too long ago that I stood in Jacob’s shower, swearing vengeance on every person at that party.
“No matter who your father is, you’re still you,” Jacob told me. “You’re who you make yourself out to be, not whose blood runs in those veins.” A weird thing to say, but it made me feel a bit better anyway.
I let out a sigh, turning my head towards him. With his arm behind me, he sat so close. I didn’t want to talk about my dad or my mom anymore. I didn’t want to talk about me at all. After everything I’d told him, I felt like he knew too much about me. He knew too much about Jazmine Smith, but what did I really know about him besides his name and his job?
“What happened with you and the MPD?” A cool way of saying Midpark Police Department. I felt like I was on a TV show, talking like that. “You have police experience, but you’re young. Why aren’t you still with them?”
Jacob frowned—luckily this frown was not sent to me. He didn’t look bad when he frowned or scowled, much to my chagrin. I shouldn’t be attracted to this man at all. There should be no warmth blossoming in my gut as I watched him frown. “That’s…a long story.”
I leaned all the way back, my shoulder blades touching the arm behind me, kicking up my feet and resting them on the corner of the coffee table. He didn’t move away from my touch, and I instantly found that reassuring. Grinning, I said, “I’ve got the time tonight, you know. It isn’t like I have anywhere else to be.”
Now the frown turned to me, though he didn’t pull away. “I’d rather not talk about it. They’re not good memories.” Jacob liked to keep his emotions close to his chest, clearly. He didn’t like expressing them or letting anyone else know what he was feeling.
I couldn’t say why, but I wanted to pry Jacob open and see what lied inside. I wanted to see what made him tick, know his thoughts, know more about him.
Still smiling at him, I started to shake my head.
His brows furrowed, and he harrumphed, sounding particularly grumpy, “What?” Jacob didn’t like me laughing at him, or even smiling at him.
“You’re…” I trailed off, unsure how I wanted to say it. “A strange guy.” When he gave me a glower, I added, “Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s not. I just…I want to know more about you, I guess.” I shrugged, moving my legs so they tucked under my ass instead, leaning more towards him.
“There’s nothing to know.”
Somehow, I knew he was lying, so I kept grinning.
“Stop smiling at me like that,” Jacob hissed, the lines under his stubble deepening as he scowled even more. He looked like the epitome of the grumpy loner who didn’t want to be a part of any group, and yet constantly found himself in the middle of things anyway.
I tilted my head, my wet hair falling over my shoulder. “Why? Does it bother you, Jacob Hall?” I found myself biting my lower lip as I waited for his answer. The more I looked at him, the more I liked him.
“Yes.”
Inching closer to him, I whispered, “Why?” Still wore the smile, too. Jacob was a nice distraction from what happened earlier, from the headache pounding away in my skull.
“Because,” he spoke quickly, gruffly, “you’re…” He said nothing else, letting out a long, hard sigh. From seeing him work out, I knew his sighs weren’t the only hard part of him. All that muscle, all that sweat.
“I’m what?” I asked, less than three inches from his shoulder, from touching him. I shouldn’t…but I wanted to. I wanted to feel those arms around me again, now that I was not completely out of it as I was earlier. Now that I could close my eyes and lose myself in the feeling of strong, protective arms around me. I could appreciate them so much better now.
“You’re you,” he muttered.
The simple answer made my heart speed up. I was me. Well, of course I was me, but there had to be more to it. He had to mean it differently.
“Is that bad?” I asked, the smile slowly disappearing as I stared at him.
“Yes.”
The word should’ve cut me like a knife, but the way he said it, the expression his face wore, I knew he meant the opposite. “Then let me apologize, because I just can’t help it,” I told him. Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned into him. Not to kiss him or anything, but to his chest, his wide, solid, strong chest. With my nose turned in slightly toward the fabric, I could smell his sweat. I could smell him.
I could get used to a smell like that.
Jacob’s body tensed, and I knew he thought about getting up and walking away. I set a hand on his abdomen, recalling the scar I’d seen. “What are you doing?” Jacob asked, sounding…confused? Anxious? Some kind of conflicted emotion.
“Nothing,” I whispered against his chest. With an ear against him, I heard a low rumble in his chest, almost like a growl. He was practically a stranger to me, and yet…I felt some kind of connection with him. And, by God, I wanted that arm wrapped around me, holding me.
Strange as it was, I wanted to use Jacob’s presence to help make me feel better. Was that wrong of me?
And then, like a miracle, the arm that rested on the back cushions of the couch moved, curling around me, holding me to him, keeping me rooted in place, as if he was scared I’d change my mind and get up.
“You should stop,” Jacob whispered, his tense posture relaxing. His words and his body were clearly on two different pages here, and I was too happy to feel his arm around me to complain or worry.
I shouldn’t trust him, but like I’d said earlier, if he was going to take advantage of me, he would’ve done it already. We wouldn’t even be in the position we were in if it wasn’t for me. He wouldn’t have made any moves; Jacob Hall was content to hold me at arm’s length. Literally, minus the hold part.
Except now, apparently, because with the way his arm felt around me, it didn’t feel as if he’d be letting me go anytime soon, even though he’d told me I should stop.
I let out a soft sigh, closing my eyes. It wasn’t the most comfortable position I’d ever been in, but it was one of the best I’d been in recently. I’d take this over a lot of things, even if it meant I’d have to deal with Jacob’s grumpiness.
“You’re not a bad guy, Jacob,” I murmured, feeling so relaxed I could fall asleep right on his chest, with his arm around me. The pain in my head dulled down, a sudden drowsiness overtaking me. Everything, combined with the heat from his chest, made me fall asleep.