Anyone from Paul's old pack or Tyrone's old pack had been crossed out first. From there, I used what I'd heard of the other packs and my own experiences.
But, while I was juggling the two sides of my life, Hollister had been reading the same page for the last ten minutes.
"What's wrong, pet?"
I'd assumed his reluctance to speak after the lunch had been because of me and Branson. But, if that were the case, Hollister wouldn't have shied away from bringing it up. Which meant he had a concern that he wasn't sure how I would react to.
Hollister blinked rapidly, looking at the open page like he was seeing it for the first time. He set the book down without bothering to mark his place, telling me he hadn't been paying attention to what he'd been reading since he'd sat down.
"I'm worried," he said, keeping his tone even.
I rubbed his foot, concentrating on the arch, where he held most his pain. "What are you worried about?"
"I don't know." He shook his head, rubbing his temples.
I hated seeing him upset or worried. I wanted to immediately fix the problem, but Hollister didn't get upset about small things, and the things he did get upset about weren't easily fixed. "Is it safe to say your concerns stem from today's lunch?"
He could have been upset about how I acted to Branson or how quickly I'd wanted to leave after. Or it could have something to do with the party. I hoped it was Branson.
"Your dad," Hollister said slowly. He wouldn't look at me, choosing to stare out the window instead. "When you kissed me at the table…"
"Did that make you uncomfortable?" I wouldn't have done it if I had any suspicion that Hollister would mind.
"No, not at all. But, you were looking at me, and I watched him."
My muscles tensed, and I forced my hands to keep moving in a steady, soothing motion against his feet. "Did he signal something to you?" Already, my body was tight, my veins flooding with wasps, buzzing as they searched for a release.
"He didn't know I was watching. He was looking at you. And I mean, he didn't frown or looked grossed out, but there was… I don't know how to explain it. Like, a void."
I'd known my parents had a void in them since I was born. It had been located right where their hearts should have been, but recently, it seemed like that void was getting smaller. Perhaps Hollister had just seen what I'd known was there all along. Or he'd sensed something new. "Did you use your powers? What else were you able to feel?"
He shook his head and pulled his feet from my lap, moving to sit straight up beside me. "It wasn't my powers. Just a feeling I got in that moment. Not happy or sad or angry, but… nothing. Like he was purposefully trying to feel nothing."
I wouldn't defend my father to my mate. If Hollister said he felt something strange, I believed him. "I don't doubt you felt what you felt, Hollister. And I believe I know why that worries you. Before I brought you back, my parents acted very differently toward me. They didn't ask me to do things, they told me, and I could either do them and keep the peace, or not and fight them as well as my nature. It was easier to keep the peace, and I ended up doing a lot of things I didn't want to do. I won't do that again." I draped my arm over his shoulders, and he let his head fall against my chest. His other hand settled over his stomach. "If anything feels wrong, or off, that's it. I'll cancel the party. I am not the same Aver they took advantage of, and I won't let them again."
"That isn't my concern." He buried his face against my chest. "I can see that you have complete control over your party."
My eyebrows furrowed. "Our party, pet. This is our party."
Hollister sat up, pulling himself out of my embrace and his face off my chest. "This isn't my party, Aver. I don't know anyone who is going. The only people I do know won't attend. I can't say I understand all of that completely, but you also won't budge. Not with Branson, not with your father. You're enjoying seeing him dance for your affection. This party is nothing but a giant fuck-you to your parents, and that's it. I'm fine with huge fuck-you parties. I love fuck-you parties, but not when they hurt more than the person intended."
I inhaled slowly, adrenaline pumping through me as if danger stood in the room, pointing guns to our heads. But there was no danger. It was just me and Hollister here, and now that I'd installed the perimeter alarms, I'd know if any danger was approaching as well. "No one will be hurt by this party, Hollister. Branson's feelings are hurt, but he'll get over it. We all did when he made a similar choice. And after the party, you will know everyone on that list." I tore the guest list my father had given me in half. "The guests will all be immediate pack members."
"I don't know them either. Except Paul, Julie, and Tutu."
"But that's the point, pet. That's my reason for wanting this party. After that night, you will know them, and they will know you. My hope is that this turbulent time will come to an end. An Alpha will be selected and—"
"Will it be you?" Hollister asked quietly.
My first instinct was to blame Branson or one of the others for getting inside of Hollister's head, but Hollister wasn't like that. He wasn't easily swayed or naive. And he deserved my honest answer, so while I wanted to deny what he'd asked, I couldn't. "Would that be so bad?"
Before, I wouldn't have been fit for Alpha because though I'd been born an alpha—with a lowercase A—I'd never allowed myself to feel or act like one. But now, I could already see the good Hollister and I could do in the pack. The peace we would bring.
"That will kill your cousins."
My chest twisted like the two sides of my ribcage were trying to break apart from each other. Again, Hollister wasn't wrong. I still thought that if I took the position, and they saw how normal everything remained—not normal, better—they would see that they'd been afraid for nothing. "It isn't a for-sure thing. And the interim period isn't for weeks. The party will have come and gone by then."
Hollister didn't look any more relieved.
"You said that people would be hurt by this party. Will you be hurt?"
He looked confused but also suspicious. "No. I'm worried about you, Aver. For you."
He let me draw him back against my chest. His shirt rose over his round stomach, and he settled his palm over the roundest part.
"You are my main concern, my only concern. I can't control how the others feel, pet. And despite what you believe now, this party is about you and me. Ensuring your protection—"
"And rejecting nearly every idea your parents have…"
"That part was just a bonus, and I'm sorry if I got a little overzealous. We'll keep it small, only the pack will be invited, and after, if my cousins really don't attend, we can have a second event at their house." If Branson allowed it. "Would that help?"
He nodded, but his frown remained. "I wanted to bring up Sprinkles."
"Your friend from Seattle?"
Hollister nodded as a wrinkle formed between his worried eyebrows. "His texts have decreased to almost nothing. He still says he's happy each time. But that's suspicious, right? Even we've had our ups and downs."