“It’s really pretty,” I said.
“Right?” Her voice was breathy and light. “I love blue topaz. It’s my favorite gemstone.”
The enthused smile loosened to a neutral gaze, as if she felt the same dull burn in the pit of her stomach. I attempted to flatten all the things I wanted to tell her, muting how much I loved the flecks of olive in her eyes, how great the ring looked on her, how great she always looked. I attempted to pull my stare away from her so it wouldn’t linger too long, but as I gave in to the temptation to look at her, her stare flicked to mine and held. Our connection sizzled as the moment strung us back to that lost moment at lunch.
“It’s a platinum band, London blue topaz, heirloom stone, three point eight carats,” said Carol, snapping us out of the hypnosis. I dropped Kennedy’s hand as if I was doing something wrong. Carol’s grin grew with her eyes. “Are we shopping for a special occasion today?” Her eyebrows wiggled.
Kennedy and I exchanged an awkward look as we both fumbled “uhs” and “ums.” When I finally found the words, I said, “Oh no. We’re not together.”
“Oh, you’re not?” She appeared surprised. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought—”
I waved my hand in a flat line to shut down her next words. “Nope. We’re just…um…just friends.”
“I saw this ring and wanted to see it up close,” Kennedy added, her voice low and soft. “Just out of curiosity, how much is it?”
“Forty-five hundred.”
I muted the cough in my throat.
“Oh, wow,” Kennedy said and slipped the ring off. Neither of us were worthy to hold a forty-five-hundred-dollar ring. “I guess I should start saving, then.”
“We do offer a payment plan.”
“That sounds very tempting. I’ll have to think about it and come back after we shop around some more.”
Nice girl code for “Hell no, I’m not buying that.”
“Sure. We’re open until eight. The ring will be waiting in case you change your mind.”
I hope you don’t hold your breath on that, Carol.
When we stepped out of the shop, Kennedy let out her laughter. “Holy crap, that’s, like, the most expensive thing that I’ve ever had in my hand.”
“You know you led Carol on,” I said. “She’s gonna be waiting for you now.”
“Like hell I would spend four thousand dollars on a ring. That’s two plane tickets to Australia.”
“About nine round trips to France. Maybe even ten.”
She threw her hands over her chest as if I’d mentioned her weakness. “Oh my God, you’re right. Nope, not worth it. And that’s saying a lot because it’s my favorite gemstone. My mom bought me this blue topaz ring for my sixteenth birthday, and you want to know what happened? I lost it.”
“You lost it?”
She nodded with her lips pressed thin, and I bellowed with laughter. “God, I cried so hard. I was dumb enough to wear it tubing down a river. My mom claimed that it was only seventy-five dollars, but to a sixteen-year-old, that’s so much money. And the gift was so sweet, and I lost it.”
“That’s so awful that it’s funny.”
“It kind of is now. At the time, I was really upset. Ever since, I’ve really wanted another one.”
“Maybe it’s a good thing the price of this one scared you away. Could you imagine losing a four-thousand-dollar ring?”
She shuddered at the thought. “I’m getting anxiety just thinking about it.”
After we hopped back on our scooters, Kennedy noticed a San Francisco souvenir shop. “Oh hey, let’s go in there. I can get a cheaper souvenir.”
Chapter Four
We Ubered back to my apartment and decided we needed a nap because if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be able to make it through the party in a few hours. It wasn’t until we got there that I realized a nap was more complicated because we had to address who was sleeping where.
As I kicked off my Vans in my room, Kennedy plopped on my bed and spread out like a starfish, letting out a long, tired grunt.
“Okay, princess. Would you like some clothes to sleep in?” I said.
She lifted her head. “If you’re willing to donate some for an hour, I’ll gladly accept.”
I fished out a shirt and sweatpants from my dresser and tossed them on her face. She held them in front of her nose for a second. The mood in the room shifted, just like at the jewelry store, just like at lunch, just like it always seemed to do.
“You smell the same,” she said softly, then lowered my clothes.
I wondered if she smelled the same, and I wanted so badly to be reacquainted with the scent that permeated her clothes and skin. The memory of her smell almost reached my nose, but the lost five years prevented it from sweeping me up.
When she changed in the bathroom, I breathed out the heavy exhale I’d been holding. I really needed to lie down on the couch in the living room, practice some deep breathing to loosen the knots in my stomach, and rest.
When Kennedy came out, I was jealous of my clothes that got to touch her while my hands and lips couldn’t. She set her folded clothes beside the bed and glanced at me as if waiting for me to guide her.
“You can take my bed,” I said and gestured for her to lie down.
“No, you take it. I’ll take the couch.”
“No, seriously. You’re my guest. I’m taking the couch.”
“Or we can both lie on the bed.”
There was that tense tandem silence again. A deafening silence. My chest plummeted, and I braced myself for rejecting her proposal. Could we really share a bed with our past stifling us? I didn’t know if I could do it.
“I don’t know—”
“Just a nap.”
“Okay,” I acquiesced, and she gave me the smallest grin. Following her, I lifted the covers to gesture her under. Both of us situated ourselves on the farthest ends of each side of the bed. A part of me was relieved she was thinking the same as me: Nothing could happen.
“I need, like, an hour to refresh, and then I’ll be good,” she said and set an alarm on her phone. “Good night. See you in an hour.”
She flipped over, facing away from me. I lay there, stiff and straight like a pencil, hands stuck to my sides, watching the ceiling fan spin on the lowest setting. Her presence was intoxicating as much as it was suffocating. How could she jump into my bed, curl up in a fetal position, and snuggle her arm underneath the pillow while I could barely bend my elbows? Her soft hair pooled over the pillow, and I couldn’t wait until I went to bed so I could smell the remnants of her hair lingering on the cover.
Even though she looked so innocent when she slept, that sweet face had the power to break my heart all over again.
And that was when it hit me, a very delayed reaction. Lying in bed with her wasn’t part of the visualization. If I stuck to the script, I could easily get back on track.
I leapt out of bed and went downstairs, trying to gain control of my visualization. It was best to retreat to a safe space, a whole floor separating us.
In the kitchen, Talia assisted Lillian in putting groceries away. When they saw me, both flashed smug smirks, and the heat reached the tops of my ears.