“He was evil, Luc.”
“Evil or not, he was my father. What’s in him is in me. He was right about that. The same darkness runs through my veins.”
“It does. But all that matters is what you do with that darkness. You can let it control you, as he did, or you can use it to root out all the others who are just like him. Our world is all about masks. You know this. Just because your mask is darkness does not mean there’s no light.”
I heard every word my oldest friend was saying, and I hated that it had taken this night—this horrendous, nightmarish night—for me to finally accept what he’d been trying to convince me of all these years
“Cazzo.” A blinding pain lit off inside my chest. One I knew was not going to be quelled anytime soon. I lifted one hand to my face and pressed my thumb and middle finger to my eyes, hoping to distract myself from that pain, but nothing worked. “I know what I have to do, I’m just not sure I’m strong enough to do it.”
“You are. You’re strong because of Natalie. Because she’s your strength. If you hold on to that, you can get through anything. Even this.”
I dropped my hand and breathed deep. She was my strength. She was everything. I didn’t care about me, I only cared about making things right for her.
And protecting her, at all costs. Even if I had to shatter both our hearts to make that happen.
9
Natalie
“Natalie?”
I flinched at the sound of Luc’s voice as I stepped out of the shower, then groaned because every muscle in my body hurt. Grabbing a towel, I quickly wrapped it around me and reached for another to dry my arms and legs.
“I-I’ll be right out,” I called, patting my skin down as quickly as I could.
I had bruises everywhere, and though I didn’t hurt as much as I had before thanks to the pain meds Felicity had given me, I knew Luc was going to take one look at my body and freak out.
I’d freaked out when I’d first come in here to clean up. One whole side of my face was swollen and bruised. My arms, my belly, my breasts, my legs—I looked like I’d been tossed around in a washing machine with a pile of rocks. And that burn in my ribs...
I sucked in a sharp breath as I lifted my chest and reached down to pull off the plastic covering Felicity had placed over the bandages to keep them dry while I showered. That hurt like a son of a bitch. I still wasn’t sure what they’d branded into my skin, but I wasn’t ready to look just yet. In my current light-headed-from-pain-meds state, I was perfectly fine not seeing what sick thing they’d done to me.
“I’m coming in,” Luc called from the other side of the door. “Felicity doesn’t want you falling over from the meds.”
Exhaustion tugged at me, and before I realized what I was doing, I leaned against the sink. But I was still coherent enough to wrap the towel around my shoulders so he couldn’t see the full effect of my bruises. “O-okay.”
The door pushed inward. Luc stepped into the room, glancing my way immediately. I tried to smile, to reassure him I was fine, but his lips only thinned in reaction.
Moving quickly toward me, he grabbed another towel and held it up to my hair.
“Merda. You’re dripping wet.”
He gently rubbed the towel over my head, wringing the water from my curls. Closing my eyes, I leaned back against the counter and let him take care of me, loving how careful he was being. That he was here. I hadn’t wanted to let him go earlier, but I was trying to be the tough, fiery woman he’d married. Inside though, I was struggling not to tumble into a dark abyss.
“That’s better.” He dropped the towel on the counter, then tugged a drawer open and ran a brush through my hair.
I sighed as the tines slid over my scalp and through my long hair. He was gentle, running it through my locks again and again. Looking up, I realized he had a bandage over his left eyebrow. “Are you all right?”
He saw me looking at his forehead. “Fine. Didn’t need stitches.”
Relief spiraled through me.
Satisfied there were no tangles left in my hair, he set the brush on the counter and reached for the towel at my shoulder. “Here, let me have that.”
“No. I’m fine.” I gripped the towel fiercely at my chest. “I can do it.”
“Natalie.” He looked down at me with gentle eyes. “Let me help you.”
“No.” Panic swelled inside me, and I shifted to the side, trying to put space between us. “I-I don’t need help. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” He wrapped his arm carefully around my waist and easily drew me back in front of him, trapping me between him and the counter. “You’re wobbly. I don’t want you to fall. Let me help you.”
“I...” I held on tighter even as he reached for the towel ends wadded between my fist. Tears blurred my vision. “I don’t want you to see.”
His fingers stilled against mine. And his silvery gaze lifted to my face.
“They... I don’t hurt,” I blurted out, blinking rapidly. “It just doesn’t look very good.”
“Angioletto.” He pressed his lips gently against my forehead. “You’re beautiful.” He skimmed his lips carefully down the bruised side of my face. “Every part of you. You never have to be afraid to show me your body.”
When I dropped my chin, he lifted it with one soft finger. “You saw my back. You never made me feel ashamed of my scars.”
My eyes filled with tears all over again. “Those weren’t your fault.”
“And these marks on your skin aren’t yours.”
Pain washed over me. Not physical pain. The kind of pain that runs soul deep. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” My eyes fell closed as I breathed through it. “I should have told you everything. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I—”
“Natalie.” He tipped my chin up again. “Look at me.”
I struggled to pull my eyes open, but when my watery vision met his, I didn’t see any kind of anger in his eyes. I only saw love.
“I’m not upset. Not at all. I know why you did what you did. And I love you more because of it. I love you so much, angioletto. I love you so much more than you are ever going to understand.”
“Oh, Luc...” Tears spilled over my lashes and rushed down my cheeks. I let go of the towel at my shoulders and threw my arms around his neck.
He held me to him, gently but fiercely, and as I buried my face against his throat and his deep voice whispered soft, sweet words in Italian in my ear, I closed my eyes and held on to him. To us. To the only thing in the world that grounded me in the here and now and made sense to my foggy-headed brain.
I drew back and pressed my lips to his. He sucked in a surprised breath and stilled against me. But he didn’t kiss me back. And I was suddenly afraid he didn’t want to.
I eased a breath away. “Luc?”
“Your lip...” He skimmed the pad of his thumb over the corner of my mouth. “I never want to hurt you, vita mia.”
“You won’t.” I didn’t care about my swollen bottom lip. I pressed my mouth to his again, desperate to taste him, to feel him. “I-I need you.”