My gaze catches on my hands… fuck. I should wash them. Exiting the bedroom, I head for the bathroom but nearly run into Emerson in the process.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, but her eyes aren’t cast to the floor. No, they’re on me, moving from my open jeans and up and over each of the tight, chiseled from stone muscles that make up my six-pack. She’s checking me out, and I can't help but smile. Slowly she forces her gaze up to my bare chest before coming to rest on my face. Her pink tongue darts out, wetting her bottom lip.
Fuck me, I can’t stop the indecent thoughts from coming. They race through my mind like it’s a Nascar track.
I want her mouth on me, wrapped around my cock. I want her under me, begging, pleading for me to take her. I want to see her pretty cheeks flush pink with warmth as I bring her to the edge again and again. I feel my dick strain inside my jeans, pushing against the zipper.
Shit. I need to stop. “I-I was about to put on some sweatpants and a shirt.” Just then I realize that she isn’t wearing her typical pajamas bottoms.
Holy hell, she’s only wearing a shirt and I assume a pair of panties underneath. The shirt is too large for me to see, covering all the important spots but for fuck’s sake, I really hope she is wearing something beneath that white cotton. Not just for her sake, but for my sanity as well.
As if God is testing my restraint in the worst ways, she says, “You don’t have to put a shirt and sweats on if you don’t want to. You can sleep however you like. I want you to be comfortable.”
I almost snort and tell her what would make me most comfortable is both of us naked with her under me, but I don't. I don't want to scare her away, though I'm starting to wonder if saying such a thing would actually scare her anymore? At least not if it was coming from me.
Without waiting for me to say anything back to her, she turns and heads for my bed, pulling back the blankets and climbing in. She’s trying to kill me, or at least see how long it takes me to snap. I decide to take my shirt off but keep my bottoms on. We’re probably both safer with them on.
Prowling toward the bed, I crawl into the vacant spot beside her. This is different, all the other times Emerson and I had shared a bed it was because she was scared, or was coming off a nightmare, but tonight we’re both intentionally going to sleep in the same bed.
“Are you okay?” she whispers as I turn onto my side to face her.
“Yeah, though it should be me asking if you’re okay and not the other way around.”
“I’m a little surprised myself that I didn’t freak out more… and I probably would’ve if it wasn’t for you being there for me tonight. You make me feel safe. Ever since you came into my life, I feel a little bit stronger every day, like there is an actual chance I can be normal.”
Her confession strikes a chord somewhere inside of me. “You’re normal, anyone who tells you differently is the one with a problem.”
I want her to know that there isn’t anything wrong with her. No one told my mother that and often I wonder if she would still be here if they had. If someone has seen her sadness, if someone had forced her to get the help she needed. I was too young to force her to get help, but I’m not too young to help Emerson.
She smiles, showing off her brilliant smile. Even in the dark room, I can see it, it shines brighter than the sun, then a shooting star soaring across the sky.
“I’ve been thinking…” she says, her voice soft. “Since meeting you, I’ve come out of my shell and I know I can’t stay like this forever, suffocating, barely living so I was thinking… maybe…”
Fuck, I hope she isn’t going to say what I think she’s going to say. I’m holding my breath, waiting for her to continue.
My eyes roam over her face, her lips tremble, apprehension coloring her face. “You are already pretending to be my boyfriend, maybe you can help me overcome my fears even more…” Her small hand reaches out for me, her warm palm pressing against my hardened abs. I want to tell her to move her hand lower but fuck. I can’t. I won’t.
Swallowing thickly, I finally let out a puff of strangled air. “Em…” Shit, what am I going to say to that? My dick is so hard it hurts, and I want nothing more than to pull her on top of me and pound into her, but she needs me to take it slow, she needs patience, kindness. I don’t know if I can do that right now. I’m too on edge after all the shit that went down today.
The light in her eyes diminishes, her face falling. “Never mind. I get it. I’m too broken.”
Shit, that stung, and then it hits me, like a ton of bricks falling on my face I realize she thinks I’m rejecting her, pushing her away... no way, no fucking way. She starts to shift, rolling over but I stop her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my chest.
I don’t know if what I’m about to do is taking things too far, but I do it anyway. I have to prove to her that I want her, but that I’m doing this to protect her. Taking her hand while keeping my eyes on her face, I bring it to the hardened bulge between my legs. At the contact of her hand against my cock, I hiss, clenching my teeth together. My nostrils flare and all the blood in my body rushes to my nether region.
Her stare widens, and her mouth pops open.
“I want you. I’ve wanted you from the moment we met, so don’t think for a second that I’m pushing you away, that I don’t want this with you, because I do. I just can’t right now, not tonight. You need slow, kind, patience, and right now if we crossed the line, none of those things would occur.” Her breath hitches and it’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard her make. Leaning in, I bring my lips a millimeter from hers. “You believe me, right? That I want you…that I want to bury myself in you, that my heart wants to beat in sync with yours?” I squeeze her hand in mine against my hardened cock, the softest of groans rolling off my tongue.
Breathlessly she says, “Yes.”
“Good, if in the morning you still feel the same, we can talk about it. But tonight I can’t be that guy, the patient, kind one.”
“Okay.” I watch her wet her lips, the need in her eyes diminishing slowly and it takes everything in me to release her hand and let her go. She rolls over, giving me her back and ending the conversation. I adjust my cock and follow suit, pulling her into my chest. Once we’re snuggled in, and my heart rate starts to slow, the blood in my dick rushing outward, she whispers, “You’re a knight, Clark, and you have no idea how good of a person you are. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
Holding her tighter in my arms, I bask in her words, letting them wrap around my heart. Never in my life have I cared for someone as much as I care for Emerson. The girl with secrets in her eyes, the girl that I intend to crack wide open. Someday her pain, her fears, her anguish will be mine to bear as well, because someday she will be mine.
◆◆◆
Rivulets of sunlight filter in through the blinds in the window signifying that it’s morning. Emerson is still in my arms, and my cock is still hard as steel, obviously having not deflated from the night before. Of course my brain didn’t forget about what she asked me last night either.
Claiming her as my girlfriend wasn’t a pretend thing to me, no matter what she thinks. I want her, all of her, even the broken sharp jagged-edged pieces. But I have to go slow with her, treat her like fine china, like a paper doll. If I do this, if I touch her, there will be no going back for me. I’ll never be able to let her go. After being with my fair share of women I know being with Emerson will be like nothing I've ever experienced before.