“There were some surprises on the season finale.”
“I figured that much out from the way you were looking at me, and the girls were acting funny.”
I have the strange urge to go over and comfort him, even though I don’t know what he’s got to tell me. Instead, I grip my towel to my chest and remain in place. It’s amazing to me how strong the pull is to go to him now, distract him, and get him to touch me. But I know it’d only be to stop him talking about something that’s definitely going to be painful for both of us.
“The producers had cameras hidden throughout the house that we didn’t know about. Or maybe Camila did. She probably did, actually.”
Beck’s hands are in fists. “Shit, I’m not explaining this well.”
I’m finding it hard to breathe, not in the panic attack way, but in the way that if I take a breath, I might realize what he’s trying to tell me and it will break my heart.
“Remember how I said a couple of girls had come on to me and I figured they’d show that footage and try to make it look worse?”
I think I nod, because he continues. “Of course you remember. Well, Camila Gonzales was one of those girls. I didn’t tell you the rest because I didn’t think you needed to know.”
I force myself to breathe because he’s taking too long and I don’t want to pass out. The sharp pain in my chest that hits me when I take a deep breath isn’t a surprise, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“I’m sorry, fuck, I suck at this. Basically, she was propositioning me every day, whispering where to meet her, passing me notes, brushing by me as I came out of the shower to offer to follow me back to my room.”
“Okay,” I finally croak out. “Spit it out, Beck. What happened?”
“Nothing! That’s the thing. It was obnoxious and I didn’t make a big deal about it or talk about it on camera because I didn’t want to draw attention to it. I just endured it and figured she’d only really tried anything on camera once. The rest was just her saying shit really, a little in my personal space, but nothing too bad.”
I wait, not sure what to make of any of this.
“If I’d known they were filming all those little encounters and waiting to drop a bomb, I might have handled it differently, pushed her away more aggressively.”
“Beck, you’re killing me here. I’m lost. Remember I haven’t watched any of these episodes?”
Beck takes two long strides and captures my face in his hands. “You trust me, right?”
“Yeah, I do. I trust you, Beck. Just tell me what happened.”
“I did. That’s it.”
“They showed film of her telling you to meet her places and passing you notes?” I don’t hide my confusion.
“The way they showed it made it look like we were having an affair all along. I think they were looking for some explanation about why I never hooked up with anyone. After all, I was on the show longer than any other guy since I made it to the finals. They needed some drama from me, and they weren’t getting it.”
“That doesn’t sound too terrible,” I say hopefully, my voice a little shaky.
“And there was footage of her coming in my room at night. It looked like our last night there, when it was just the two of us left on the show.”
“Did she come in your room that night?”
“If she did, I wasn’t aware of it.”
His hands drop to my shoulders.
I’m starting to be able to breathe again normally and I find myself letting out a noise that kind of sounds like a laugh. “And Griff thought he had to be scared about a stalker standing over his bed with a butcher knife.”
Beck’s not quite ready to laugh with me yet. “It looked really bad. The other stuff I gave you a heads up about, someone watching could reach their own decision about whether it went anywhere. But this? Even my mom seemed to think it really happened until I told her otherwise.”
I sigh, hating how tormented Beck is over this. “Well, Camila Gonzales really is sexy, Beck, even I can see that. So I get it.”
He frowns. “Get what?”
“Why they wanted to make it look like the two hottest people on the show were getting it on.”
“We weren’t, though, you know that, right?”
“I know.”
“Really? You just believe me?”
“Yeah, Beck. I haven’t seen the footage yet, so if there’s actually a scene of you two, uh, you know, naked in bed together, I might have to change my mind. But if it’s as you say, I believe you. Why wouldn’t I?”
“We should watch it together. Or you can watch it by yourself if you’d rather do that. But I’d rather be with you so you can ask me any questions.”
“Beck, I’m not going to watch it to check if you’re lying or not. But I am going to watch the entire season. I don’t really want to, but I think I should.”
Beck tilts his head a little like he’s not following me.
“I should watch it so I’m not caught off guard like I was this morning. If, or when, I go back on social media, I need to know what kind of things people have been saying so I’m prepared. If or when I compete again, I need to know all the things that happened on Shred Live, or didn’t happen, or what the viewers saw. I need to be able to handle myself when the insults come, or the challenges, or whatever.”
Beck looks at me for a long moment. “You don’t have to watch that shit if you don’t want to. I can tell you what you need to know.”
“I need to watch it, Beck. It’s not to fact-check your story, I promise. I just don’t want to be in the dark. I don’t want to hide anymore, and that means I need to be ready for whatever the public is saying or thinking.”
Beck’s hands drop to pull me to his chest in a hug. I don’t know if it’s relief or what exactly, but the emotion pouring from him is heavy.
“You’re so strong, Jordan,” he finally whispers. “I’m in awe of you.”
Okay, that wasn’t what I was expecting.
“Come on, let me change so we can hit up a park before my interviews.”
“You still want to go to a park today after what I told you?”
“Yeah, we’ve got to face everyone sooner or later, right?”
Beck shakes his head as I drop my towel and slide on a pair of underwear.
“Okay, if you’re serious about this then you can’t walk around in front of me naked.”
“That’s your problem. I texted you this morning with my plan. You subjected yourself to this when you came up to my room.”
“I thought we’d be having a big fight and there’d be crying, maybe then we’d need to have make-up sex. I mean that was best case scenario.”
“No, Beck.” I glance over my shoulder as I pull on a sports bra. “This is best case scenario. Don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I guess I’d be pushing it if I still wanted make-up sex even though we didn’t fight?”
“We’re going to fight soon if you don’t decide which park we’re going to in the next five minutes and then go downstairs and get breakfast ready for me so we can get moving.”