“I hunger for your body, Emma, for you. I’m scared to touch you because I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop if I do.”
“Then don’t… don’t stop.”
My lips meet hers as my thumb circles her clit. And the instant I slide inside her, all the hurt and uncertainty I’ve faced in the last two weeks vanishes.
I’m home.
She’s my fucking home.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” I say, drawing back and plunging back in until I’m balls deep inside her paradise. “So fucking good.”
“God, I’ve missed you.”
I still, and my heart swells at her confession. As much as I’d hoped she had, I was petrified I’d lost her.
She tugs on my hair. “Don’t stop.” I chuckle into her neck and thrust into her again, and again, and again. I can’t get enough. “Harder.”
My hands grip her hips, holding her in place as I start moving at piston speed.
Faster.
Deeper.
I give her my all.
The room is filled with cries of pleasure and the sound of our bodies slapping together, skin on skin.
Her legs tighten around my waist, and I can feel them trembling. “Yes, that’s it. I’m coming. Oh God, I’m… I’m…” Her head falls back, and her mouth parts as the most beautiful sound falls from her lips. That, combined with her tight pussy clenching around my dick, send me spiraling toward my own release.
We’re both breathless as we stay unmoving for the longest time. I want to tell her I love her, but the words remained lodged in my throat.
Her body is still pinned against the wall as I slide out.
And then the realization hits.
No condom.
Fuck!
I’m left alone with her for five minutes, and the last of my remaining rules flies right out the damn window.
The panic hits me full force as I take in a deep breath, trying to calm my raging heart.
How could I be so reckless?
“Are you okay?” she asks, cupping my face.
“I’m fine.” I force out a smile as I rest my forehead against hers. The last thing I want is for her think I’m having regrets about what we just did. Well, I am, but not for the reasons she may think.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m exhausted. It’s been a long day.” I step back, placing her legs on the floor. “Turn, let me wash you and get you into bed.” I place a soft kiss on her shoulder when she does as I ask. I can’t risk her watching me a second longer. I’m afraid if she does, she’ll be able to see the sheer terror that’s now clawing at my insides.
It’s after three in the morning by the time I climb the stairs that lead to Emma’s bedroom. She could barely keep her eyes open while I dried her after our shower. She was out like a light the moment she got under the covers. I told her I was going to make sure the house was locked up, but in reality, I needed some space. Some time to regroup and try to settle the rampant clusterfuck in my mind.
As soon as I lie down beside her, she rolls over, and my heart constricts. Even in her sleep, she gravitates toward me.
My feelings for her are deep. Deeper than they’ve ever been. To be with someone, I mean really be with them—on a level other than physical—is something I’ve never experienced.
Until her.
Even what I once felt for Anastasia doesn’t compare. Not even close.
Rolling onto my side, I watch her sleep. My hand reaches up as my fingers lightly brush back the strands of hair that have fallen over her face. I don’t know where things will go from here, or what tomorrow will bring, but I’ll be there by her side no matter what. I won’t make the same mistake again.
My arm slides around her waist, drawing her closer. I bury my nose in her hair and inhale her sweet vanilla scent.
It calms me.
She calms me.
She gives me hope.
Hope for the future.
For a life I once dreamed of having but lost.
I close my eyes and let the darkness pull me under.
Chapter Thirty-Two
ASHTON
I’m startled awake when I hear a loud bang downstairs. I can’t tell you the last time I had a full night’s sleep, I feel like I’m constantly on edge. Ever heard of the expression, ‘sleep with one eye open’? That’s basically what’s become of my life.
“I know you’re in there, Ash. Open up.”
I blow out a long breath, pinching the bridge of my nose. This shit has to stop. Throwing back the covers and climbing out of bed, I snatch up the gray sweatpants hanging over the chair and step into them just as the banging starts up again.
There’s no point trying to ignore her, she’s not going away. She never goes away. My anger grows as I stalk down the hallway, descending the stairs.
“What do you want now, Anastasia?” I snap, swinging the front door open. “You can’t keep turning up here all hours of the fucking night.”
“Who’s in there with you?” I’m still half asleep, so she manages to push past me, entering my home before I can stop her. “I know you’re not alone.”
This woman is bat-shit crazy.
“There’s nobody here,” I say, reaching out and snagging her wrist before she makes it to the staircase. “And even if there was, it’s none of your business. We broke up two fucking months ago, Ana. Move on already.”
Tears fill her big blue eyes, and the dark bags underneath them are visible against her stark pale skin. Her face is gaunt, and her once perfectly groomed blonde hair looks like it hasn’t been either washed or brushed in days. She’s let herself go since we split and in no way resembles the vibrant beauty I met all those months ago.
I sigh as my gaze moves up the cathedral ceilings in my main foyer. I’m not falling for this again. She’s not guilting me into taking her back. I’m done. I’m not in love with her, I don’t even think I like her anymore. She’s become ever more unstable in the past few months, and if I’m completely honest, she scares the shit out of me.
I drop her arm, scrubbing my hands over my face. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I feel like I’m living in my own private hell. I’m always anxious, never knowing when she’s going to pop up or what she’s going to do next.
She uses my distraction to dash up the stairs, and I don’t bother giving chase. She’s not going to leave until she knows with all certainty I’m alone. I’ve had no intention of being with another woman. This crazy bitch has turned me off the opposite sex. Well, for the interim anyway.
When I finally catch up, I find her in my bedroom. Once she sees my bed is empty, she moves to the ensuite before heading to my walk-in closet. She’s not going to find what she’s looking for because I’m alone.
“Satisfied,” I say as my patience wears thin. There’s no getting through to her. Even Grayson tried to sit down and have a deep and meaningful conversation with her. His words fell on deaf ears.
She’s obsessed.
I’m starting to wonder if she’ll ever let me go.
If I’ve learned anything over the past six months, it’s she doesn’t listen. It’s her way or no way, and she’ll stop at nothing to get what she wants.