Another heavy moment pressed down on all of us, and I knew I was the one causing it. So, I chose to move on, because there was nothing else I could do. I pulled the black book out of my bag, and I laid it on the desk.
“It’s in Latin,” I said. “There’s no copyright date, but I’d guess it’s old. Like, really, really old. But it’s about weapons. How to enchant them.”
That brought on a whole new kind of weighted silence.
“It talks about swords and arrows and shields,” I continued. “It’s got some kind of gruesome pictures.”
“So, if we ever need to go to war, we’re prepared,” Mary-Beth said, trying to lighten the mood.
“Not the most helpful discovery,” I said, feeling my mood continuing to darken and sour.
“Anything counts,” Nathaniel said. “I think that’s all we can do for tonight, you guys. Thank you all for your hard work. This was huge. Two more books found in Alderidge. We’ll make a plan for more in the coming days. I think we should all get some sleep.”
They must have understood there was nothing more I wanted to talk about, that we were all too tired to do anything helpful tonight, because without another word, Borden and Mary-Beth stood and made their way to the door.
“Night,” Mary-Beth called as she disappeared down the stairs.
Borden left without another word.
I stayed there, my eyes fixed on one certain point on the floor. I could feel my mood darkening with each passing moment.
I was feeling the sand under my feet as I sprinted across it. I was seeing Nathaniel being pushed under the waves, the dark water turning red with his blood. I was hearing the way he wheezed as I held him in my arms on the beach, and then the way he collapsed into unconsciousness.
“Hey,” Nathaniel said. He stepped in front of me and hooked a finger under my chin, making me look up at him. “Come back from the dark.”
“It’s not as easy as saying the words,” I said. My voice was hoarse and tight.
“Borden has done things he’s not proud of,” Nathaniel said. “He’s apologized, and I’ve accepted it. I’m fine.”
But my eyes fixed on the scar on his cheek, where one of the Society Boys had hit him, splitting his skin and spilling his blood.
My hand reached up and my thumb brushed over it. Nathaniel just raised a hand up to cover mine.
“Scars remind us of the trials, of where we’ve come from, and how much stronger we’ve grown,” he said wisely. “But I don’t let any of mine define me, Margot. Please don’t let my scars trap you in the past.”
His words reached down into my heart, wrapping them around that fragile organ in my chest. I felt my eyes pool with moisture. My lower lip trembled.
“I just can’t stand that anyone has hurt you,” I said, the words cracking. “I’m wary to let anyone who’s done it in the past into our circle. You might have this innate ability to forgive, but it’s not so easy for me.”
Nathaniel wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling himself closer into me. “Then just trust me,” he said. “And know that if it comes down to it, I will let go of that self-control, if it means protecting you, Margot.”
“How selfish am I, then?” I asked, my voice cracking further.
“That’s what love is all about, isn’t it?” Nathaniel asked, his words quiet and soft as he lowered his forehead to touch mine.
“Maybe the selfish version of it,” I said, feeling worse.
“I think love is selfish sometimes,” Nathaniel said, brushing his lips over my forehead. “We let ourselves sink so deep, we don’t know which way is up.”
I closed my eyes, pushing out two tears. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, to get a grip on my emotions again.
When I felt like I had control once more, I looked up at Nathaniel again. “I love you. Maybe too much sometimes. But that’s not going to change. So I’m just going to work on myself, and try to become a bigger person.”
Nathaniel brought his lips to mine, and in them, I felt peace. I felt strength I didn’t always have. But I felt promises, that together, we’d get through whatever challenges came our way.
“I love you too, Margot,” Nathaniel said as he looked into my eyes. “And that’s what love is, too. Borrowing one another’s strength, whenever it’s needed.”
Chapter Nine
My mood wasn’t much better the next day.
I knew I was being immature and that I needed to let things go. But it wasn’t so easy for me.
So, when I sat down at my desk on Friday, Mary-Beth turned around and studied me.
“I’m taking you out for ice cream after class,” she said. “No arguments.”
And I couldn’t help but smile at that.
The class was long and boring. Professor Doom and Gloom was really on a roll that day, talking about all the woe is me and life is terrible stuff of our latest dark and depressing read.
I was ready to crawl in a hole and die by the time he was finished and dismissed us all.
“Is he trying to drive us all to take our lives?” Mary-Beth asked as we gathered our things and walked out into the hall.
“Seriously. I think I need to go talk to Dean Lowell,” I said as we weaved our way through the bodies. “Yes, there are some great things to be learned from the tragedies, but, come on. Hope and light are pretty great, too.”
Mary-Beth nodded in agreement and we pushed through the last of the throng to the front doors of the school.
It was still cold out, but the temperatures were above freezing. Most of the snow had melted, leaving everything soggy.
But I didn’t complain as we made our way across campus and down the road to the shop.
I ordered pistachio and Mary-Beth got cherry.
“So,” she said as we settled into a booth at the far back of the shop. It was nearly empty save for an older couple at the very front, debating on what kind to share. “Borden did something bad to Nathaniel. He used to run with the Society Boys, and therefore you hate him. Now he’s different, but hard things don’t just disappear.”
I blinked at her, my tongue halted on my ice cream. “Didn’t realize you were a psychic mage.”
She just smirked and took a big bite out of the top of her cone. Who does that?
“You’re just really, really bad at masking your emotions,” she said as she swallowed all that ice cream. “But I’m not here to try and tell you to get over it. Borden did something he shouldn’t have. You’re allowed to be ticked for a while.”
“Thank you,” I declared, and even as I said the words, my chest felt lighter, better. “Nathaniel keeps brushing it off like it was no big deal, and to Borden it’s in the past so there’s nothing he can do about it, but I’m the one who had to see all of Nathaniel’s blood in the water. I’m the one that watched them all try to drown him. I’m the one who had to let it go, knowing the police couldn’t touch those boys.”
“Damn, Margot,” Mary-Beth said, shaking her head. “Spit it all out. That shit is crazy.”
“They made our lives miserable for months,” I said, feeling myself amp up, hotter and hotter. “Borden was there, helping David corner me, he was there smacking Nathaniel around. He says it was because the Boys made him angry and that’s how he could use his magic, but that’s such bull crap. There could have been plenty of other things that made him angry so he could use his magic that didn’t involve physically harming another person.”