“But there’s something else,” he added, regret once more entering his deep voice.
“What?”
“You won’t be able to have more children.”
Drawing back, she peered up at him.
Such sadness filled his beloved features. “Even if you didn’t transform…” A muscle in his jaw twitched. “If you stayed with me, I couldn’t give you children.”
“Why not?”
“Immortal males aren’t sterile… but our sperm die as soon as we ejaculate. It’s why I can’t infect you with the virus through sex. The virus dies with the sperm. And no immortal females have ever gotten pregnant. We believe they can’t. But most take precautions anyway to avoid it because we have no idea what the virus would do to a fetus, if a child born with it would age or…”
Or if it would remain forever trapped in the body of an infant.
Kayla shook her head. “After my divorce, I didn’t think I would ever fall in love again, so I never really thought I would have more children.”
A glimmer of moisture entered his eyes. “I would’ve loved to have children with you, to watch your belly swell with my baby.”
And he had never had children of his own. “I think I would’ve liked that, too,” she confessed, sharing his regret. “But we would still have each other.”
He cupped the back of her head. “Would that be enough for you? Would I be enough for you?”
Enough to compensate for losing Becca? And for having to eventually bow out of her grandchildren’s lives? She would never grow old if she transformed. She might be able to share her secret with Becca but doubted she would be allowed to go beyond that and explain to her grandchildren and their grandchildren why she didn’t age.
She rested a hand on Nick’s jaw, drew her thumb across the dark stubble that coated it.
How she loved him. He brought her a happiness and contentment she hadn’t experienced in a very long time. A happiness and contentment she now believed she had never truly found until he had saved her life and changed it overnight.
The years she’d spent married to her ex couldn’t compete.
She and Nick never fought. They never ran out of things to talk about. Even just sitting together in silence on her back patio or planting flowers in his slowly transforming backyard was fun. He accepted her for who she was. He loved her for who she was, how she was, no makeup, no hair spray, no frills. And he showed it often.
What would it be like to spend eternity with him? To look forward not to days or weeks or months with him but to century after century of love and laughter, friendship and romance, teasing and tenderness, not to mention adventure. She doubted life would ever be boring with Nick.
She could see in his eyes that he longed for that. The fact that he didn’t pressure her in any way only made her love him more. “Just imagining having to watch Becca grow old and die while I don’t breaks my heart.” Some of the light in his eyes dimmed. “And yet the way I see it,” she continued softly, “I’m going to lose her either way. If I don’t transform, I’ll live the rest of whatever time I have left knowing I probably won’t get to see her graduate. I won’t be there to cheer her on and support her as she embarks upon whatever career she chooses. I will likely never meet the man she’ll marry, will never hold my grandchildren.”
Again she stroked his cheek, enjoying the way the rough stubble abraded her skin. “But if I transform, I’ll not only be able to do all those things I would’ve otherwise missed, I’ll also have the memories of them to see me through the darkness when I lose her.” She pressed a kiss to his lips. “And I’ll have you. Through it all, Nick, I’ll have you.” She kissed him again, then narrowed her eyes playfully. “I will have you, right?”
“Hell yes, you will,” he vowed. “As long as you want me, you’ll have me.” He stroked the nape of her neck. “I love you, Kayla. I’ve known for some time now that I want to spend eternity with you.”
“You never said anything.”
One side of his lips quirked up wryly. “I was afraid to. I’ve loved you for years. You haven’t loved me for nearly as long.”
She smiled. “I’m not so sure about that.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Just think about it. Please. And know that I want to be with you either way. You don’t have to decide tonight.”
“I’ve already decided.”
He stilled. “You have?”
She nodded. “I want you to transform me.”
Relief blanketed his features before he drew her into a hug so tight it constricted her breathing. “Thank you.”
Patting his back, she wheezed, “Just don’t crush me to death before you do it.”
His hold immediately loosened. “Sorry.”
She laughed. “It’s okay.”
He stared into her eyes, his a brilliant amber now. “You’re sure you want to transform?”
“I’m sure.” She didn’t know how the hell they were going to explain it all to Becca, but she was certain this was what she wanted to do.
Much of the tension left his body. “Would it be okay if I asked Aidan or Roland to transform you?”
She frowned. “Why don’t you want to do it?” Should she feel hurt about that? Because she kinda did.
“I do. But Aidan and Roland are both older than me and far more powerful. They’re also healers. And we’ve discovered in recent years that gifted ones who are transformed by elder or ancient immortal healers always end up being stronger and faster than those who are transformed by younger immortals like myself or by vampires.” He slid his big hand from her nape to cup her cheek. “I want you to be stronger, Kayla. I want you to be faster and have greater regenerative capabilities. And if Aidan transforms you, you’ll likely even be able to spend more time in the sun than I can without it burning you, so you’ll be able to take your grandchildren to the playground.”
She arched a brow. “Would I be stronger than you?”
“Definitely.”
Incredible. Nick was freaking powerful.
But didn’t most men react badly to women who were stronger than they were, whether that strength was physical, intellectual, political, or applied to the woman’s position in the work force?
She studied him closely and could find no objection in his features, no hesitation whatsoever. Her grandmother had once told her that only a strong man could love a strong woman, that a weaker man would resent her.
Nick was strong. As far as she could tell, he bore no weaknesses at all.
“How much stronger would I be?”
He smiled. “A lot stronger.”
She drew a teasing finger down his chest. “So I would be able to… overpower you and make you do my bidding?”
His lips stretched in a wide grin. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to overpower me to get me to do your bidding. All you have to do is ask. I’m always up for it.”
She laughed. “Yes, you are. I just worried you might not like me being stronger than you. Some men wouldn’t, I think.”
He shrugged. “Only if they’re pussies.”
Again she laughed.