“They do?” I ask.
Alice beats Courtney, and it’s Kostya’s turn again, and he wins by one cup. Then he beats me, and Courtney, and Vivian. My aunt Esther pokes her head in, shrugs, and leaves again.
“Is he even drunk?” Vivian whispers to me with the world’s loudest whisper, watching Kostya play Alice.
“These people can fucking drink,” I whisper back. “I don’t know how they have livers anymore. Just goddamn vodka all fucking day.”
“I hope you’re ready for a royal rumble!” Alice shouts at Kostya.
Kostya throws a ping pong ball into her beer, and Alice grumbles.
Courtney giggles, then side-hugs me, her head on my shoulder.
“I can’t wait until you’re the world’s filthy-mouthest queen,” she says. “Filthiest-mouthed? Yeah.”
“You’re gonna wear a tiara, right?” Vivian asks.
“God, no,” I say.
“Come on,” she says.
“What happens to your title if Kostya dies?” Courtney asks.
“Courtney!” Vivian says.
“I become the dowager queen until I remarry and then I receive my new husband’s title,” I say.
“Oh,” Courtney says.
“I asked all the questions already,” I say.
“If you have kids, does succession go in age order or do boys go first?” Vivian asks.
I sigh.
“Right now, boys go first,” I say.
“She says the baby factory’s not open until that changes,” Kostya says, then throws another ping-pong ball into Alice’s cup.
My friends look at him.
“What? We talked about it,” he says.
I shrug. Kostya beats Alice, and she flops dramatically on a couch.
“This is unfair,” she says.
“I’ve never even played before,” Kostya says. “How is that unfair?”
It’s my turn to play him. He makes a big show of rolling up his sleeves, and I roll my eyes at him.
“You’re going down,” he says.
“Are you trash-talking me?” I ask.
“I’m gonna take you to beer pong school,” Kostya says, and I giggle.
“Tell me more about beer pong school,” I say. “Do I get grades? Is there recess?”
“I think beer pong school was Alpha Chi,” Alice says from the couch.
An older couple wanders in. I’m pretty sure they’re diplomats my mom invited, but I don’t know.
“I didn’t know there was beer pong,” the woman says. “You know about the stoplight thing, right? When there’s three cups left, arrange them like a stoplight. It makes it harder.”
“Thanks,” I say.
“That’s the kind of thing you learn at beer pong school,” Alice says.
I throw the ball way too far, off the table, and Kostya catches it.
“I have to stop after this one,” I say.
“Oh, come on,” Courtney says. “Be fun.”
“I’d prefer not to be hung over during an hour-long ceremony in Russian,” I say.
“It’s gonna be an hour?” Alice says, still in exactly the same position she flopped in.
“You just have to stand there and look pretty,” I say. “I have to do all the right stuff and say all the right stuff and not look like an idiot.”
“You’ll be fine,” Kostya says.
I throw the ping pong ball. It bounces off the rim of a cup, off the table, and Kostya catches it again.
“Fucking stop catching it,” I say.
“What, I should just let it fall on the floor?” he says.
“No, stop having hand-eye coordination,” I say.
He throws it into one of my cups. I drink it. We’ve both only got one cup left, and he throws again, but I bat the ball away across the room.
“That’s cheating,” he says, very seriously.
“I can’t play any more,” I say. “Someone else play.”
“Come at me, bro,” Kostya says, and he sways a little.
Alice just giggles from her couch.
“You teach him that?” she asks.
I slump next to her.
“Sadly, yes,” I say.
Kostya finishes the last solo cup of beer, and no one comes to play him, so he sits next to me on the couch.
“Guys, we’re not twenty any more,” Courtney says. “How did I ever do this all night?”
“I don’t know,” Vivian says, her head back on the couch.
“That was fun,” Kostya says. “Anyone else wants to go I’ll still take you on.”
We all groan.
He nuzzles the top of my head and tries to slide his arms around my waist, even though we’re on a couch with another person.
“You are drunk,” I say.
“I’m tipsy,” he says.
My friends are all grinning like the cats that caught the canary.
“Guys, it was a success,” Vivian says. “We should ask them embarrassing questions now.”
“No,” I say.
“Has he ever told you to call his dick ‘Your Majesty’?” Courtney starts.
“What? No,” I say.
“I never told you not to,” Kostya says, and they giggle hysterically.
“Have you had sex on the throne?” Alice asks.
“There’s no throne,” I say.
“Is it weird that you’re gonna be a queen?” Vivian says.
“It’s weird as shit,” I say.
“Is your brother single?” Alice says.
“Yes, and he’d probably have sex with you,” Kostya says.
I giggle. I can’t help it.
“He’s eighteen,” I say. “And please don’t.”
“Oh, ew,” Alice says. “I don’t fuck babies.”
“What about your hot military friends?” Vivian says.
“I thought you and Chuck were moving in together,” I say.
“He’s not here,” she says. “And I can look, okay?”
“I’m not moving in with anyone,” Courtney says.
“Dmitri and Sergei are single,” I say. “Niko’s engaged.”
“They like Americans?” Vivian asks.
“They like Hazel,” Kostya says. I think he’s falling asleep, half on top of me.
The girls raise their eyebrows.
“Not like that,” he says. “Like normal.”
The rest of the party is starting to die down, and people are meandering through the living room, leaving.
“We should go before you sleep on this couch,” I tell Kostya. “I can’t carry you.”
“I should buy a royal golf cart to drive through the halls,” he says.
“Fuck, I would love that,” Courtney says.
“We could race,” Kostya says.
I push him off me, stand, wobble, and hold my hand out. He takes it, and I brace myself to pull him up.
“Night, guys,” I say as handsy, drunk Kostya stands behind me and puts his arms around me. “See you tomorrow. Kostya, stop it. Come on.”
“Byeeeeeeee,” Courtney says. The other two just wave.
When we get to our apartment, as soon as we close the door Kostya grabs me and pulls me in, and then just holds me tight for a long, long time.