But now Lizzie had Trent, and she didn’t need Seth protecting her, did she? He was no longer the most important man in her life.
“I’m tempted to ask you what’s wrong, but I know you well enough to know that your answer is probably going to be ‘nothing.’” Lizzie eyed him. “So, what’s up?”
“Nothing.”
She punched him, making him laugh a little.
“Come on. Tell me. It’s the least I can do when I made you listen to everything with Trent last summer.”
“And made me buy you a pregnancy test?” He’d never, ever forget that one.
That made her giggle. “I didn’t make you. You offered. And look! You survived.” She smiled, and Seth once again saw how happy his sister was. How content. It made his chest hurt, yet he would never begrudge her that happiness, either.
“For the first time in my life,” he said slowly, staring into the horizon, “I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.”
“Welcome to the club.”
“I thought leaving the Marines was a good idea, after Max…” He swallowed, struggling for a moment. Lizzie squeezed his hand reassuringly. “But what am I doing now? Nothing. I’m no good at anything except being a soldier.”
“That’s not true. You were an amazing Marine, and I’m so proud of you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make a life for yourself here.”
He shook his head. “I think sometimes I’m only suited to war.”
It was his darkest fear: that he couldn’t be anything but a man who knew how to kill. He’d turned into the military’s efficient human machine; now, he couldn’t return to his own humanity.
“You’re lost right now. I was last year. I couldn’t write a song to save my life.” Lizzie leaned against his arm. “You’ll get there. Be kind to yourself, Seth.” Her tone turning sly, she added, “Maybe you should start dating.”
He grunted.
“Rose DiMarco is very pretty, and she’s your neighbor—”
“How did you know that?”
“I saw her when I stopped by your place. I didn’t even know Heath had a sister,” she mused. “If it makes a difference, I approve.”
“Thanks, I think.” Seth wished he could tell Lizzie everything about Rose—about her courage, her spunk, her fear—but he bit his tongue. It almost seemed like a betrayal to talk about her right now. Or maybe he just wanted to keep her all to himself, because he feared what would happen if he admitted how much she’d captivated him.
Rising, he put out a hand. “Come on, let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving.”
“Only if you pay,” Lizzie said with a bright smile.
“Cheapskate. Fine, come on.”
She laughed and took his hand, threading her arm through his as they walked with no particular destination in mind.
Chapter Eight
Rose threw the tennis ball, laughing as Callie sprinted in the opposite direction to fetch it. At the local dog park that evening—on her day off of work—she’d decided to get some much-needed fresh air to clear her head.
Callie returned with the ball and dropped it at Rose’s feet. Rose ruffled the dog’s fur. “Good girl,” she crooned. “Go get it!”
She threw the ball so far that it landed in the lake. Not one to be put off by a little water, Callie jumped into the lake before Rose could catch her.
“Good thing I just had you groomed,” Rose said in exasperation as Callie returned the ball. Callie panted, water dripping onto Rose’s bare toes, and just waited for Rose to throw the ball for the millionth time.
Rose kept tossing the ball—far away from the lake each time—letting her mind drift.
She’d run into Seth a few times since she and Heath had returned from The Rise and Shine. Seth had been courteous but distant. Rose told herself it was for the best, although she couldn’t help but resent her older brother a little. She knew Heath had said something to Seth, like she was still some little kid needing to be protected.
She grumbled under her breath. “Save me from overbearing men,” she said to Callie as she threw the ball into the nearby woods. “I’d like to kick them all in the groin.”
It was easier to think about Seth avoiding her like some kind of infectious disease than about Johnny’s deadline creeping up on her. Her heart hammered in her chest each time she remembered that damn deadline.
I almost have all the money, she told herself. If I can get him to just take the money…
She wanted to believe she could persuade him to take the money and leave her alone. She wanted to believe it, even if her cynical side knew he wouldn’t.
When she’d made her deal with Johnny, she hadn’t realized all it would entail. She’d thought she’d live with him, maybe do chores for him. Cook him meals, make his bed, clean his house—things like that. She’d been so naïve.
Although she’d been almost twenty-one, she’d still been a virgin. Johnny had taken care of that quickly, though.
The old pain pushed up from her throat, making her eyes sting. She couldn’t call it rape—not really.
She hadn’t said no; yet she hadn’t said yes, either.
She almost laughed at herself. If any other woman had told her a story like that, she would’ve called it rape within seconds. But it was easier to think she’d had a choice. It made it seem more bearable.
Johnny had never hurt her—not physically. He hadn’t hit her; he hadn’t bruised her. But he’d reminded her that she owed him, and that if she left, her brother would suffer the consequences. He’d reminded her that she would be nothing without him.
After a while, she’d believed him.
When Callie barked, Rose jumped, the present rushing back to her. The sun was about to set. How long had she been standing there, staring off into space?
As she walked toward the park’s entrance, she realized that there were no other people or dogs around her. It wasn’t that late—where was everyone? A little shiver chased down her spine, and she started walking more quickly. She felt for her gun, safely stowed in her jacket pocket like always.
Right then, some creature darted into the woods, Callie chasing after it with a loud bark. Rose shouted for her and was about to run after her dog when she heard a twig snap right behind her.
She didn’t wait to see what it was: she whipped around and aimed her gun at whatever was following her. She waited, her body trembling with tension. She knew, with a certainty only gained by experience, that she was no longer alone.
“That’s not very nice,” Johnny said as he emerged from the woods like some creepy specter. “Pointing a gun at me.”
Rose kept the gun leveled straight at his heart. “I still have time,” she said in reply.
“I’m aware.” He pulled out a packet of his stupid clove cigarettes, lighting one as he walked closer. He seemed completely unconcerned about the gun aimed straight at him. He took a drag of his cigarette, making Rose’s eyes water from the smoke.
She hated the smell of cloves.
“I’d recommend you tell me what you want,” she said.