“Find something?” the officer who dropped her off asked from the road as he stood outside his patrol car.
She stood, pulled her mask off, and found a smile. “Yes. I did.”
“It’s getting late. We’ll close the neighborhood off to visitors for the night soon. It’s time to head back. You can return tomorrow if you’d like.”
They’d closed off the neighborhood to keep looters from trying to sort through homes looking for anything that survived the fire.
Some people suck.
It wasn’t bad enough the people who used to live here lost everything; someone wanted to profit off them.
Which made her think of all the paperwork and hoops she’d had to jump through to file her insurance claim and put in for federal assistance.
It sucked that the process was so hard and convoluted.
She put the metal box into the bucket she’d brought with her that now contained her treasures, planted her hands on her knees, and pushed herself up. Her legs ached, but her heart felt lighter. She’d found what she’d come here for, and Danny and Oliver would be so happy to have a small piece of their past to hold on to when everything had been taken away, including the school they used to attend.
They couldn’t stay here much longer.
She needed to get the boys somewhere they could settle in and go back to school.
She also needed to call her mom and have the talk she’d put off because immediate concerns took precedence to actually making decisions that extended beyond their need for a roof over their heads and dealing with the aftermath of the fire.
She’d done what she needed to do with the property.
There truly was nothing left for her to do here.
Overwhelmed by what came next and the abundance of decisions that had to be made to start a whole new life, Sierra trudged through the wreckage, walked down the porch steps one last time, her heart heavy that this was probably the last time she’d ever come here, and headed for the police car. She opened the back door, set her bucket on the seat, then turned back and looked at what used to be.
Emotion flooded her, sending tears down her cheeks. She pulled off a glove and brushed them away with clean fingers.
“You can rebuild,” the officer assured her.
Yes, I will. Just not here.
Her boys were counting on her.
But she had to face reality and listen to her heart. She didn’t want to be here anymore.
She wanted to go home to Carmel.
* * *
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hey, Mom.” Sierra stood outside the motel room door on the balcony overlooking the pool with her cell phone to her ear, so happy to hear her mother’s reassuring voice.
“It’s been a couple of days. I worried.”
The days since the fire had left Sierra drained. “I’m sorry. I went to the house yesterday. There’s nothing left but ash and burnt trees. Everywhere I looked . . . there was just nothing.”
“I can’t imagine.” Emotion tightened her mom’s soft voice. “We spoke about this the other day, but I’ll say it again. I’m happy to help in any way you need.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Just tell me how much you need and I’ll get it to you.”
She didn’t want to rely on her mother for financial support. That was more her little sister Heather’s MO. “Right now I need something besides money.”
“Anything.”
“I want to come home, Mom.”
“I’ve got your old room and the spare bedroom all ready for you.”
Relief swept through her. Her mom offered the second she found out the house was lost. Overwhelmed in the moment, and since, Sierra hadn’t been able to really think or plan.
“When will you be here?”
“Tomorrow?” She hated to impose, but she also wanted to get the boys settled.
“I can’t wait.” Her mother’s excitement eased Sierra’s mind.
“Thank you for this. I’m out of options.” At least it felt that way.
“I’m always here for you, Sierra. This is still your home no matter how old you get.”
Tears clogged her throat, but she pushed the words out. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, sweetheart. Everything is going to be okay.”
She really needed to hear that right now.
Sierra outlined her plans for the trip home, thanked her mom one more time, and said good-bye with a lighter heart and a belly full of anticipation.
This felt right. With everything of her old life literally left in ashes, she needed a fresh start.
So did the boys. They’d been through so much this past year, losing their father and now their home.
She walked back into their latest rented room and stared at her boys sitting on the queen bed in the fourth motel they’d moved to in the last three weeks. Their treasures she’d found at the house yesterday sat on the nightstand beside them. They’d been so surprised and excited to get them, but also sad that the few items had been all that was left of their belongings. She felt the same way.
One of the guys at the fire victims center took a hammer and screwdriver to the lockbox and popped it open for her. David’s cuff links had survived. So had their wedding rings. The jewelry hadn’t come out unscathed. The metal had turned black and tarnished, but the diamonds were eerily bright and sparkly. Maybe one day she’d have them reset into new men’s rings for the boys. They could wear a piece of what bound her and David together.
Backs against the propped pillows, Danny and Oliver were deep into a cupcake baking show on the Food Network. Eventually, they’d ask to go to the local grocery store to pick up some treats.
They deserved something sweet for being such troopers. They missed their friends, their own things, and even school.
Sierra pressed her hand over the stack of papers sitting on the small table by the window. They were all she’d managed to grab on her mad dash out of the house to beat the fire. All these months after David’s death, she still couldn’t account for the personal loan he’d taken out without her knowledge.
Fifty thousand dollars.
This past year, she’d struggled on her income combined with David’s Social Security to pay the bills and keep a roof over their heads. And now she didn’t even have the house or a job.
She had this motel room for the next two days, another lined up for one night, but she needed something more permanent. The boys needed stability. They needed routine.
And so did she.
All this uncertainty left her a live wire of anxiety, sadness for all they’d lost, and uncertainty about how she’d get them all back on track and thriving again.
As a mom, she thought she could do it all. She tried.
Most days, until the fire, she did a pretty good job.
You can’t have everything. Something’s gotta give. But right now, overwhelmed by their circumstances and uncertainty about the future, she needed help.
Her family knew of their troubles. They wanted to help. She appreciated it, but until now she’d gone from hour to hour, day to day, trying her best to deal with the aftermath of the fire and keep the boys entertained.
But she needed to start thinking of the bigger picture. Especially because she was running out of money and racking up credit card debt. Yes, there was help out there for the fire victims. She’d taken advantage of the free clothes, everyday necessities, like toiletries, and even a few toys for the boys to take their minds off all they’d lost.