She was expected to be the bigger person. But it was damn hard when she was the one wronged in so many ways.
“Would you please watch the boys? I need to get out of here for a while.”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know. Away from here.”
“You can’t outrun this, sweetheart.”
“I know. But I can at least be alone with it for a while and not have to worry about what everyone else wants me to do and how they want me to feel and what they expect me to do to make this all right for everyone. I want to just be mad.”
Because being hurt and sad just might break her.
And she didn’t want the boys to see her curled into a ball, crying her heart out over a man who broke her heart and a sister who crushed it to pieces.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Sierra found herself at the ocean, sitting in the sand, staring at the waves crashing on the beach, seagulls screeching overhead, her thoughts a swirl of emotions as wild as the wind blowing her hair back. Tears streamed down her cheeks unchecked. They dripped on her shirt and still she stared out at the wide expanse of water, out to the horizon, and fought the urge to just walk right into the waves and let them carry her away.
She didn’t really want to die. What she really wanted was to not hurt anymore. She wanted to erase what she knew from her mind and heart.
She wanted to believe people were good and kind and did the right thing.
David. Heather. They betrayed her. They lied.
How could her sister sleep with her husband?
How could David break every promise and vow and hurt her that way?
If he was that unhappy, if he wanted someone and something else, he should have said so. Ending their relationship would have hurt, but it wouldn’t have been this devastating.
Not only had he cheated, he’d done so with her sister.
The thought cut so deep, she couldn’t bear it. She hugged her knees to her chest, but nothing eased the pain. Her head pounded with every horrible thought that kept rolling in like the waves, the onslaught of second-guessing all their conversations and everything he did all those months he was seeing Heather behind her back.
Now it all made a horrible kind of sense.
Looking back, she had had her suspicions, but she’d never come right out and accused him of an affair. Part of her didn’t want to know. The other part didn’t want to mess up the life their boys blissfully enjoyed, not knowing one iota of the troubles facing their parents.
She hadn’t wanted to burst their happy bubble. She had wanted to protect them. And her heart.
Ignorance is bliss.
Until you’re forced to face the truth.
David did cheat. He lied. He betrayed her and broke their vows.
He left her with a hell of a mess.
She hated David for what he’d done. But David wasn’t here. She couldn’t yell at him or force him to hear all the terrible things she wanted to say. He’d taken that from her.
But Heather was here. She hated Heather.
She’d have a thousand excuses for her behavior. She’d romanticize their relationship, say it was meant to be, that David’s and her love couldn’t be denied.
She’d already sworn she never meant to hurt Sierra. But what did she expect would happen when Sierra found out?
And the kids. Oh god, how would she ever explain to Danny and Oliver that their father slept with Heather and had a child with her? They may not understand the ramifications of that now, but they’d understand when they got older.
She hated David for leaving it to her to explain to their children.
Because she couldn’t get away with not telling them. Hallee was proof of what happened, and eventually she’d have to be told the circumstances of her birth and that she had two brothers.
What would she think when she discovered Sierra hated Heather because of it?
She sensed her mom wanted to find a way to reconciliation, but Sierra couldn’t see past her rage and hurt to a time when she wouldn’t feel this way when she looked at Heather.
Just thinking about her brought on a new wave of anger that she had no way of expending. It just built inside her like a volcano, the pressure pushing against everything inside her, wanting to explode.
The salty mist clung to her hair and chilled her skin. She could use a sweater and something hot to drink.
She could use a friend, someone who’d let her scream about all the injustices dealt her these last two years.
She didn’t deserve this. She tried to be a good mom, wife, lover, and friend.
None of that mattered to David.
He’d taken what he wanted, their marriage and her be damned.
Her phone beeped with yet another text or voice mail she wanted to ignore. Her mom wondering where she was and if she was okay. Maybe Amy. Heather probably went to her, hoping to get Amy on her side. Sierra doubted Amy would be sympathetic.
But Amy would be happy to open a bottle of wine and trash-talk Heather and David all night with her. Deep down, Sierra knew that wouldn’t really help.
Another beeping notification followed quickly by another. Maybe Mason. He was the hardest to ignore.
She didn’t take out her phone. She didn’t worry about what they needed or wanted. The last thing she wanted to do right now was make this okay for everyone else while her heart lay in pieces at the bottom of her battered soul.
She laid her head on her knees and let the grief swallow her as the tears came in a torrent she couldn’t stop or hold back anymore. She let the pain and grief pour out, but the ache of it never seemed to cease, it just kept throbbing. Even when the tears dried and the hiccups disappeared and the sun fell into the ocean, the grief, the pain, they were still there, claws sunk deep in her heart and mind, unrelenting, just like the waves battering the shore and the wind blowing against her, chilling her to the bone.
Sierra stood on stiff legs, hands numb with cold, and gave one last solemn look at the beautiful ocean and headed back to her car.
The boys were probably wondering what happened to her and why she wasn’t home to get them ready for bed. She knew her mom would take care of them, but they expected their own mother to care for them.
She couldn’t dwell on her problems forever, but she’d needed these last several hours alone to think and grieve and be angry and upset without having to explain herself to anyone.
Now, she’d be the adult and mom and gather herself up and forge ahead because what the hell else was she supposed to do.
Life sucked. People disappointed and hurt others all the time. And tomorrow was another day to deal with it all and figure out what she did from here.
The boys deserved the best of her. One day they’d appreciate all she’d sacrificed and given for their happiness.
Being the adult and the mom sucked, because it meant she had to do all the hard stuff so her kids were happy.
After everything she’d been through with David and Heather, she wished there was one person wholly and unequivocally on her side.
Someone who knew all that happened and said, You deserved better. They suck. Fuck them, and stood beside her through all that still needed to be done to get her life back on track.
Chapter Thirty
Mason sat on the porch steps waiting for the woman he loved to come home, knowing he had one shot at explaining himself. If he blew it, his whole life’s happiness would disappear.