“I was pissed at the hospital. Did you have to stab me?” he complains, making me laugh a little as he rubs his stomach.
“You looked innocent, didn’t you? Self-defense?”
He huffs. “I suppose.” Then his lips press against my cheek. “You didn’t notice.”
I pull back to frown. “Notice what?” My gaze drifts over his face and down to his throat, but I can see his lack of a dog collar.
I sigh with relief. “You quit?”
“Yes.”
His eyes are warm as they drift over me. “I missed you.”
He says the words hesitantly, softly, like he can’t believe he’s saying them.
I don’t take offense.
I know I’m the human equivalent of a whirlwind that’s busted into his life.
I can forgive him for being wary, especially since I did just stab him the other day.
“How’s your stomach?” I inquire, feeling dumb for not asking sooner.
“Fine. Someone’s aim was perfect or I’d still be in the hospital.”
His arched brow has me wrinkling my nose. “I researched it once.”
“Never practiced it though, right?” he says grumpily.
“First time’s the charm?” I quip.
“No more stabbings, hmm?”
“Agreed.” My lips twitch at his very masculine pout, and I reach up, press my fingers to his lips, and whisper, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he replies instantly, and my heart sinks through my body to hit the floor before bouncing back up again and beating me in the face.
“Really?” I ask softly, but my eyes are wet and he’s hard to see.
“You already knew that,” he chides, reaching up and rubbing a finger over my damp cheek.
“You didn’t come—I was scared.”
He shrugs. “I had to protect us. You aren’t the only protector here. Plus, I had things to do.”
“Like what?” I run my finger over his bare throat. “Like quitting?”
“That, as well as some issues I had with the Church. A final sermon, a farewell to the parishioners… Plus, I needed to see Paulo Lorenzo.” His jaw tenses. “Before I defrocked. The dog collar has a powerful effect on people.” He tugs at his shirt collar and the lack of weight there seems to be reflected in his eyes. I hope it makes him breathe easier.
“Did you kill him?” I whisper hesitantly, unsure what I want his answer to be.
He shakes his head. “He was still in hospital.”
“Still?”
“Complications due to the alcohol poisoning.” He sighs, reaches up and runs a hand over my hair. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have... Instead, I put the fear of God into him. Told him that he survived only to right the wrongs he made.”
“Do you think that’s enough?”
His lips purse. “No. I’d like to think so, but even though he’s had a scare—I told him that he was drinking so heavily that night out of guilt—I know how temptation works. So I warned that police officer who visited me in the hospital. Esposito? And talked with Lorenzo’s niece, gave her the carabinieri’s card, and told her to use it if her uncle sinned.”
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” I see the logic in his actions, and am grateful for them. He has been busy, so I resent our time apart less, but that doesn’t mean I’m not ready to cleave myself to his side. Need has me asking, “What’s the next step?”
“I have a few more hoops to jump through before things are finalized on this end. I want to meet you in the States.” He blows out a breath, and I brace myself, because, from the way he tenses in my arms, I know I’m not going to like this—he’s preparing himself for my rejection. “I want you to go to the hospital. I want you to go for a checkup.”
I want to argue about us leaving separately, but as to the hospital, I can’t. Hadn’t I just been thinking that myself?
I wrinkle my nose. “Okay.”
“Okay?” He scowls at me, but there’s relief in his eyes, and that he’s concerned for me? God, it makes me the luckiest woman alive. “I thought you’d argue.”
I shrug. “I think I need to go too.”
Concern flashes in his gaze, and he hauls me tighter into him, like he can protect me with his body. I wish that were true. “What is it?” he demands. “What’s wrong?”
“My nose is being weird. I just don’t think it’s normal.” I shrug. “Plus, I’m still weak and I tire quickly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong—”
“But a hospital is the best place for you.” He dips his chin. “That seals it. I want you on a plane within the next few days.”
My mouth drops open. “What? No way! I want to leave at the same time! I just thought you meant separate flights!”
“No can do. We need to stay separate. I’ll travel to the States as well, then get trains to your state. I want to zigzag a little.”
“There’s no suspicion—”
“Maybe not, but I want it to remain that way.” He reaches up and presses a finger to my lips. “Let us do this the right way.”
My eyes narrow at him. “Why?”
He shrugs, sighs, but his gaze stays on my lips and the finger he pressed there, not catching my gaze. “I want to give you time to contemplate what you’re taking on.”
I stiffen in his arms. “Are you shitting me?”
Though his expression darkens, his lips twitch. “No. I’m not.”
“You have to be. You can’t think that I’d be the one to back away from this.” My mouth works as I ‘contemplate’ just how crazy he is.
Hell, he says I am.
“I’m fucked up,” he mutters as he presses a kiss to my temple, his words vibrating through his kiss. “I’ll always have night terrors, and I might hurt you in my sleep. I won’t ever let you moan when we’re together that way, and the lashing? I won’t be able to stop that. Not immediately. I’m a lot to take on.”
I pull away, not going far, but separating us so I can grab his hand and rest it on my stomach.
“What if I’m pregnant?”
“Then we don’t have a choice.”
My retort is sharp. “Good. I don’t want a choice. This isn’t about choice. There’s no free will in this situation,” I growl. “And if God has his shit together, then I will be pregnant so we have no say in this.
“You and I are made for each other. Just because you’re a little nuts, well, that doesn’t scare me.”
“I’m a killer,” he breathes, pulling me back into his arms.
His erection tells me he likes what I said though.
“So am I. I condoned what you did,” I counter with a shrug. “And I’ll condone it again. So long as I think it’s right.”
He narrows his eyes. “Only God can help me now.”
My lips curve in a smile. “Oh, baby, he’s been helping you all along since the day I saw you on TV.”
Xavier
Four years later