Daniel led him back to the bedroom. “We don’t have to do anything else. We can dress—” But before Eli’s courage deserted him, he put a finger over Daniel’s lips to silence him. Daniel turned his head, taking his finger into his mouth and sucked. All of Eli’s body clenched at the same time, and he was helpless not to rock forward, their cocks brushing and setting off more sparks in his groin. He ached. He knew his cock was getting hard, but he was trying not to think about it. To stay lost in Daniel’s touch.
Daniel let go of his finger with a pop and smiled, pulling him to the bed. “Can I touch you?”
“Yes.” Eli nodded, still torn between the fear of Daniel continuing and the desperate need for him not to stop. They got in bed, and Daniel rolled onto his side toward Eli. He found Eli’s nipples immediately and teased them until they were hard and aching. “Have you ever thought about getting these pierced?”
A tremor shuddered through Eli. “No.”
“Would they heal too quickly?”
“I think I would always have to keep them in, which—work.” He shrugged.
“Yeah, but can you imagine being in a briefing and I’m the only person in the room that knows what you have on under your shirt?”
Eli moaned, then jerked as Daniel leaned down and sucked one into his mouth, and a hot spark of pleasure almost stabbed at him. Daniel reached over and played with Eli’s other nipple, and Eli was soon lost in the currents swirling around his body, pleasure ebbing in and out of every touch. Daniel’s hand slid lower, and Eli gasped as his fingers scratched through the hair surrounding his shaft. Daniel still pulled on his nipple, and the zing seemed to go straight to his cock. He could almost hear his heartbeat thundering in his head, and when Daniel’s hand wrapped itself around his length, Eli was ready to explode.
“Still with me?”
Eli nodded, incapable of any sound. Any second. Any second, he would fly apart. Pressure built up in his belly. A strange weight crept into his groin, and he seemed to sink deeper into the mattress at the same time as almost floating above it. Daniel’s hand moved faster. He let go of his nipple and reached out to take Eli’s lips just as a panicked cry was trying to force its way up Eli’s throat.
Familiarity soothed him even as his body seemed to ready itself to flee. He knew Daniel’s kisses. Every night. Every morning. His touch was both erotic and familiar, and the panic left him as pleasure suddenly erupted inside him and he came. Daniel’s hands immediately gentled and stopped, simply caressing as Eli pumped more and more cum onto his belly.
And then it was over. With a little attention Eli barely felt, Daniel cleaned him with a tissue, then pulled him into his side.
It was only when Eli felt the wetness on Daniel’s chest, he realized he was crying.
Sometimes it felt like he held himself so tight he would shatter. Sometimes it would be so easy just to let go.
But this time Eli had Daniel’s arms wrapped around him, and that—more than anything—convinced him to hold on for just a little while longer.
Daniel gazed down at Eli. He was asleep. Long lashes fanned pale cheeks, and his chest rose and fell evenly. The dark bruised shadows under his eyes were nearly gone, and Daniel felt a certain satisfaction from that.
He liked to think he had helped Eli start the healing process for his mind as well. He knew he had a long road to go, and he wasn’t so vain to think just because Eli had allowed himself a little pleasure it was a turning point. Maybe a first step on the right path? He didn’t know. What he did know was that Eli had told him categorically as soon as the case with Caffrey was closed he was leaving, and if he did, where did that leave them? Was there a “them”?
Do I want there to be a them?
But Daniel knew the answer before he’d even formed the question. Eli wasn’t some casual hookup. He had more baggage than the hold of a 747, and he couldn’t expect Eli to unpack it with him and then ask him to move on.
They even had a dog. Daniel smiled and tightened his arms a little when Eli moved. He feathered a kiss on Eli’s forehead and was treated to a ghost of a smile before he opened his eyes.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Eli shrugged, but his eyes were wary. Daniel wanted them to look as blissed-out as they had earlier. “Are you hungry?”
Eli frowned. “You didn’t get off.”
“It doesn’t matter. That—” But before he could finish, Eli had simply moved down the bed and wrapped his hand around Daniel’s shaft.
“Eli?” He wouldn’t look at him. “Eli?” Daniel gentled his voice. “That was for you. I don’t need quid pro quo.”
Anger flashed across Eli’s face as he let go and sat up. “I’m not a pity fuck.”
Daniel closed his eyes in exasperation. He was doing this all wrong. “I don’t need instant gratification at the risk of ruining the chance of something long-term.”
Eli did look at him then, in astonishment. “What do you mean?”
“I mean dating I guess.” He flushed, feeling like he was suddenly seventeen. “No, honestly I want more than that.”
“More?” Eli looked stunned. “But why?”
“Why?” Daniel echoed. He was silent for a second while he searched out the genuine puzzled expression in Eli’s eyes. Did that mean he didn’t understand why Daniel would be interested, or simply because he didn’t feel any desire in making their relationship long-term, he couldn’t see why Daniel might want to.
“Because I don’t see the point in pretending I’m not interested in a relationship.” He was more than interested, but it was a fine line between honesty and scaring the guy off.
“I’m not boyfriend material.” Eli looked away.
“Good, because I’m not a teenager, and I want more than a boyfriend.”
Eli gazed at Daniel for what seemed forever. “I’m not sure I can.”
Daniel let that sit. It wasn’t a no. “Are you still angry with me?”
Eli shrugged. “It depends on whether you’re going to try and stop me or not.”
“Well, at the risk of ruining everything, I still think you going to the club tomorrow is a terrible idea.”
“So you want a relationship but you don’t trust me?”
“That’s not fair,” Daniel chided softly.
Eli swallowed, then lay back down facing Daniel. “I can’t move on. It’s like I’m stuck, and no matter how many therapists I get sent to, while ever he’s still out there I can’t have a life.”
Daniel searched Eli’s expression. “And you don’t think the team could do that without you?”
Eli smiled. “Making me feel guilty isn’t going to work.”
“I—” The denial was on the tip of Daniel’s tongue, but Eli was right, he acknowledged ruefully. He was doing exactly that.
“And yes, the team are more than capable, but I just can’t not be involved, and I don’t see how you could expect me not to be.”
Daniel chewed the inside of his cheek. It went against every instinct he had to let Eli be anywhere near the bastard, whether he had the right to or not. “You’ll stay with me.”