26
Lara
“We got him,” Pavel says.
He’s standing in the kitchen, looking exactly as he always does—well-groomed, somber, prepared for the day.
He doesn’t appear tired, even though I know he got in extremely late last night.
I was still awake, reeling from the results of three separate pregnancy tests.
It’s quite certain. I’m carrying Dom’s child.
I know the baby is only the size of a bean inside of me. Maybe a cherry. And yet, I’ve never carried a heavier burden. The axis of the earth has shifted. Now the whole world revolves around this little spot inside my body.
“Sorry, what?” I say stupidly.
“I said we got him,” Pavel patiently repeats. “Avo Kazarian is in the custody of the Moscow police.”
I know my mouth must be hanging open. Pavel smiles at my astonished expression.
“I thought you’d be happier,” he says.
“I’m just . . . so surprised.”
“You didn’t think we could do it?” He pours himself a mug of coffee. “I’ll admit, I wasn’t totally confident myself. We lost three men.”
He says it matter-of-factly, but I know that matters to him. Whether he knew the officers personally or not.
“I’m sorry,” I say, softly.
“It’s not your fault,” Pavel replies, practical as always.
I sit down at the table, finding my knees too weak to stand.
“You want coffee?” Pavel asks, holding up the pot.
“No thank you.”
He sits down across from me, though I know it’s time for him to leave, and that he was ready to head out the door.
“What happens now?” I ask him.
“Well, obviously I’m going to try to take this to trial as swiftly as possible. The longer Kazarian is in custody, the more chance there is for something to go awry. Not that I’m going to allow that to happen,” he adds hastily. “Still, I’d prefer to see him convicted and incarcerated in a maximum security facility as quickly as possible. So I should think that within three or four months—“
“Three or four months?” I interrupt.
“At the soonest,” he admits. “These things take time.”
“Will you be staying here?” I ask him.
Pavel pauses again, taking a long sip of his coffee.
“No,” he says at last. “We’ll have to go back to Moscow.”
Oh my god. This just keeps getting worse.
“Why do we have to go to Moscow?”
“I need to be there personally to oversee the case. I need to work with the prosecutor to compile the evidence from the ledger. There will be preliminary hearings, more witnesses and more evidence to gather . . . But don’t worry, you can stay with me, or we can find you another witness protection placement. I’ll check in on you. You’ll be perfectly safe.”
My heart is racing so hard that it feels like one continuous beat.
“Will you have to tell them about the ledger? And about me?”
Pavel looks uncomfortable. He doesn’t shy away from the truth.
“Yes,” he says. “Your father’s lawyer will have access to the witness list and the charges against Avo Kazarian. They’ll know that you’re working with us. But like I said—“
I don’t need to hear any more.
“I’m not going,” I say at once.
Pavel sets his mug down.
“Lara,” he says, gently. “I know you’re frightened—“
“I’m not going,” I say again, more loudly this time. “I’m sorry, but I’m not leaving St. Petersburg.”
What I really mean is that I’m not leaving Dom.
I don’t know if anyone can protect me from my father. I may have sealed my own fate the moment I called Pavel on the phone. But whether Dom can help me or not, I’m staying by his side.
“That won’t be possible,” Pavel says. “I’ll be giving up this apartment. And you’ll have to meet with the other officers on the case, as well as the prosecutors.”
“No,” I say again.
Pavel is starting to get annoyed.
“Lara, this part of the process is out of my hands. I’ve been very patient with you, but now it’s time for you to hold up your end of the agreement.”
“I have! I translated the ledger.”
“Yes. You did very well. But that’s only half of it. Now you need to testify.”
“No.”
I say it before I’ve even realized it. But once the word is out of my mouth, I know it’s true. I’m not going to do that.
Pavel stares at me with his stern gray eyes, through the double lenses of his spectacles.
“I’m very sorry,” I say to him. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. But circumstances have changed. And I can’t do it anymore—I can’t testify. You’ll have to make your case without me.”
Pavel seems to realize how serious I am. He doesn’t try to argue with me. But I can see how outraged he is, and how disappointed. Even though he hardly lets it show.
Whatever he might say to me, it can’t be worse than the hot, burning shame that washes over me.
At the same time, I also feel relief. Because I was terrified to face my father in court. And even more terrified at the idea that something might happen to this little life inside of me that’s only just beginning to grow, that hasn’t even had a chance to taste sunlight or wind or rain yet.
So I won’t be doing it, I can’t. Because it’s not just about me anymore.
I have to keep this baby safe.
And that means keeping myself safe from Avo Kazarian.
27
Dom
I had planned to see Lara today, no matter what.
I got back from Moscow late last night, sleeping only a few hours and then getting up early so I could shower and dress and go track her down.
I don’t know why she called me—she didn’t leave a voicemail or text.
I’m worried that she knows where I went. If she knows I planned to kill her father, she’s going to be furious.
But I didn’t do it! I wanted to, and I didn’t. That should count for something.
I’m sure by now Erdeli has told her that he has Avo Kazarian in custody. I don’t know if that will make Lara happy, or if it will only make her more frightened. I know that translating the ledger has been fucking with her head. I can’t imagine that the prospect of seeing her father in the flesh is going to help.
I’ve only just finished brushing my teeth when my phone buzzes. I snatch it up, thinking it might be Lara. Instead, it’s a message from Ivan. It says, Get downstairs.
My brother’s not exactly the loquacious type.
I hurry to the door, almost tripping over Ruslan. Technically the dogs aren’t supposed to be inside the house, but I’ve been letting him sleep in my bed because he misses Lara almost as much as I do.
I scoop him up. He’s already getting bigger and heavier—Ovcharkas grow so fast. He actually is starting to look like a lion with the big ruff of fur around his neck. It helps them in fights—prevents the other dog from sinking its teeth into their neck.