I keep gathering my things, though there aren’t many things to gather. “If you didn’t want to be with her then why not just break it off?”
“Because I’m an idiot,” he says. “That’s the real answer. But I was too busy with residency and I liked the attention that Dr. Pratt gave me. Since I wasn’t focused on having a girlfriend, I didn’t care that I had a fake one that much. Sasha liked to tell people that she was dating a doctor. Until about a week ago, I thought that it wasn’t hurting anybody.
“But then the reunion happened. That brunch I had to go to, Sasha and her father were there. She cornered me alone, and she’d seen us together. I told her I wanted to break it off, and she freaked out.” Adam’s voice is uneven now, and he’s starting to pace. “She told me no, and I didn’t care. I went back to our table fully prepared to break the news, and Sasha came with me. She told our fathers that she was pregnant, and then she told me that she would provide proof that I had cheated on every residency exam. That she would ruin my career if I didn’t go along with it. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t.”
I feel like I’m being slowly ripped to shreds. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“How? How could I tell you that I’d been ‘with’ the girl that had tried to ruin your life? Who hated you? I honestly didn’t know I would ever see you again, Ollie. If I’d known, I never would have done this. It’s the worst decision I’ve ever made.”
I clear my throat. “Why didn’t you tell me? If the baby is fake, why were you so worried? You thought I wouldn’t believe you?”
He sinks down onto the edge of the bed, saying nothing.
“Adam?”
“I don’t know.”
I grab my bag, “You lied to me. Not only did you lie to my face the entire time, you lied to me about her.”
“I was going to tell you, Ollie. I was, I just didn’t know how. I was trying to figure a way out, to try to figure out how to counter blackmail. Sasha knows everybody, and she doesn’t bluff. I didn’t want to lose my career or you.” He stands, coming to me, but he makes the wise decision not to try to touch me. “I had just found you, and I didn’t want to break your heart. Not when it seemed like we had a chance to heal it together.”
Tears spring into my eyes and I have to turn away. I start heading toward the door and I hear his footsteps follow me. “It’s a little late for that, Adam.”
“Please don’t go, Ollie.” He says. “I promise there’s nothing between Sasha and me. We’ve never even kissed. There’s nothing.”
I don’t answer. I can’t stay here. This whole thing was a lie or a sham or a ruse and I don’t know which, and I like him too much to let him try to comfort me. Because if he tries to comfort me, there’s a chance that I’ll forgive him. And I can’t. There’s too much history for that right now. I can’t be here.
I slam the door behind me and call a cab, waiting at the end of the driveway until it comes. Adam watches me from the doorway until I disappear.
Lorraine shows up with ice cream and coffee and tissues. I don’t have to let her in, she still has her key. I didn’t call her yesterday. I didn’t do anything yesterday except come home and cry. Of all the people, why Sasha? It might be irrational, though I’m not sure, but it seems like I’m relieving high school all over again. Everyone is staring and laughing at me. Somehow, ten years later, this is happening again. I’ve been had. Fooled.
I’m on the floor in front of the couch wrapped in a blanket when Lorraine comes in. “What the fuck?” she asks me. I didn’t tell her much—just the gist. That Adam’s been lying and we may have broken up. Even though we hadn’t had the conversation about whether or not we were officially together. But we were. I know we were.
She hands me the coffee and disappears to put the ice cream in the freezer before kicking off her shoes and plopping down next to me. “Spill.”
And that’s all it takes to get me crying again. Somehow I manage to get it all out. The coffee does make me feel better, and I manage to stem the tears by the time I fill her in on everything that he said. “Do I believe him?”
I’m actually asking.
Lor takes a sip of her coffee, and I recognize the deep in thought look on her face. “First, he’s an asshole for lying to you.”
“Yes.”
“Second, he’s a particular kind of asshole for lying about Sasha Pratt.”
“Yes.”
She clears her throat. “But, you never knew the Carlisles in high school. I did. There were get-togethers with the sports teams and the cheerleaders at their house sometimes. And I know that Mr. Carlisle is a fucking piece of work. He’s a heartless workaholic who would do absolutely anything to advance his career. Or his son’s. So the idea that he would tell Adam to date her for that reason makes absolute sense.”
“Yeah,” I say, “I got a sense of his piece of work when he showed up.”
“And didn’t you say that Adam told you the whole reason Sasha pulled that stunt at prom was because he turned her down?”
I nod.
“I know that it happens and people change their minds,” she says, “but I think I believe him when he says that they’re not really together.”
“Why?”
“Because, like I said at the reunion, people like Sasha don’t change. And if she’s creating a fake baby, it’s clear that her particular brand of crazy hasn’t exactly disappeared in the last ten years.”
“Yeah.” I let my head fall back against the couch. “I don’t know what to do. Why does it feel like this?”
“Like what?”
I huff a laugh. “Like my chest is cracking open and everything is leaking out onto the floor.”
“Oh, that.” She toasts me with her coffee. “That’s because you’re in love with him.”
“What?” I’m frozen.
“Seriously?” Lor asks. “You can’t be surprised by this.”
I shake my head. “I’m not in love with Adam.”
“If you weren’t,” she says, “then this would hurt less. You would get over the pain and move on if it were just a fling. But you’re not going to be over this tomorrow.”
That feeling when we were playing in the water. That’s what it was. I thought I might be falling, but I missed the fact that I was already there. “What do I do, Lor?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s not your real answer.”
She sighs. “It sucks, what he did, and he was a real dick not to tell you, but I also can see why. Like, if I’d gone into a career that took seven years of school, I’d want to protect it. And Sasha…is a force of nature. She’s crazy, she’s rich, and apparently she’s got it in her head that Adam is hers. I think he’s right to be afraid of her.”
I nod, taking another sip of coffee and throwing the blanket off my legs. “That still doesn’t tell me what to do.”
“I’m not going to tell you what to do.”
“Why not?” I whine.