He kisses my clit. So softly that it’s almost chaste, but it still steals the air from my lungs. Brushes of his tongue warm me up, suddenly bringing back all that pent-up sexual frustration from earlier, and I moan into the air.
This is primal. Sex under a summer sky with nothing but the stars to watch us. Eric lays me down on the rock, the cool surface a sudden contrast to the fire of his body on mine. His underwear disappears and joins the last of our clothes. And we’re nothing but naked together, kissing slowly. Languorous and unhurried.
Eric moves his mouth to my neck and then my shoulder, dragging his lips and tongue to draw firmly constellations that match the ones looking down on us from above. He kisses my breasts and nipples, letting them harden under his tongue, and I remember that night when the newness of his touch was the only thing in the world.
He keeps drawing patterns with that mischievous mouth of his, sinking down my skin until he’s once again teasing me with his tongue. Something that he’s always loved to do, and the groan that he makes when he pushes his tongue inside my pussy doesn’t make me doubt it again, even for a second.
When he surfaces I’m on the edge of pleasure. Writhing on the rock and happy to take whatever scratches I get as reminders of this moment. And I’ll remember the way he’s poised over me. Lithe and graceful, with eyes burning and cock hard, ready to seal us together in one way or another.
Eric freezes, and I realize why. Neither of us were prepared for this, and he doesn’t have a condom. I reach out and touch his cheek, guiding his gaze to mine. I don’t care. Even if it’s only once, I want to feel him for him. He only hesitates for a moment before fitting himself against me and thrusting in, crashing his mouth down on mine at the same time.
It’s everything.
We continue our slow dance. Every time he drives into me it’s his whole cock. Pulling back to the brink and then sliding deep. Delicious heat and friction and fullness. Our tongues collide with each other, curling and pushing and invading. It’s a slow battle, but neither of us is trying to win.
Pushing his cock deep, Eric changes the rhythm. He locks our hips together so we can’t move apart. Every motion grinds down on my clit as he speeds up, moving his hips to tease that spot so far inside that it’s hard to reach.
He has no problem reaching it.
I wrap my legs around his hips and relax, surrendering to the bright star of orgasm that’s flooding in from every direction. We move toward it together. There’s no holding back or trying to last longer. And it’s beautiful.
Pleasure spirals up and out, washing over me in a bright wave. In the same moment, I feel Eric fall into it with me, spilling heat deep inside. We shudder together, each other’s pleasure triggering echoes in each other back and forth and again.
I gasp into his mouth, cling to him until everything passes and we’re left the way we were on that first night together. Just resting. Basking in each other. Ever since then it’s been one of my favorite parts of sex—his comforting weight.
Maybe this can work. The peace I feel gives me hope that maybe we can be together after all. And I’m glad that we did this, because no matter what happens I will not let this memory be contaminated. This one will always be perfect in my mind.
But it’s time to face the things that we’ve been avoiding.
“Why did you come back here, Eric?” My words are loud in the silence, breaking the magic of our silence. But it’s okay. It lets us breathe in a different way.
“What do you mean?”
I sigh, running my fingers through his hair. “I mean that you shouldn’t be here. I remember what we talked about when we were here the last time. You’re crazy, stupid talented. And I know you’re in New York and have an agent.”
Eric startles and pulls further back to look at me. “How do you know that?”
I blush, biting my lip. “Leena told me. Couple of years ago.”
He sighs heavily and gets up. “I suppose it’s time we talk about that elephant in the room.”
I draw my hand down the skin of his back as he reaches for his underwear. “I wish we didn’t have to.”
He gets dressed quickly, and I reach for my clothes too. Eric doesn’t seem angry, more like he doesn’t want to have this conversation naked. I can’t say I blame him. It’s drawing a line between what just happened and the conversation that we have to have.
“I have questions too, you know,” he says. “Like why you pretended that what we had never happened? I thought we had agreed if we still felt the way after that summer, we would give it a shot.”
He drops his head in his hands. “I just want to know what I did. What changed in that month?”
Shock shatters through me. “What happened? What do you mean what happened?”
“Why did you cut me off entirely?”
“I didn’t,” I gasp. “When you came to school you were already with her, and she’s my best friend. You dated her for years. You picked her, Eric. What was I supposed to do?”
Pain blooms in my heart as I speak those words, because it brings back all the pain. Seeing him with her ripped my heart open, right after the shock of seeing him at all. We had been within days of reaching out to each other, and then there he was. With Leena.
Eric looks about as shocked as I do. “I didn’t pick her, Seph. You picked her. You didn’t say anything.”
“How was I supposed to do that? She showed up and was head over heels for you. What choice did I have?”
He shakes his head. “You could have told her who I was. You could have told her that I was taken.”
“And you could have told her no.”
We’re both quiet for a moment, the absence of our voices loud in the woods. The waterfall and the wind in the trees only serve to emphasize the fact that neither of us is speaking.
“Maybe it would have been different, if we had been together. If you’d asked me to be your girlfriend.”
“Seph, you can’t put that on me. I tried. I was the one who wanted to stay together. I begged. I told you that I would make the drives to see you. That I would call. I would have done anything for you. You were scared and you wanted to see if we still felt the same way after time apart. I didn’t want that.”
A tear slips out of my eye. “I know that I fucked up too. I know I did. But I wanted you, Eric. I wanted you to tell me that you loved me and that nothing else mattered but the two of us. You didn’t do any of that. Not even before we left. You disappeared without a goodbye, and the next time I saw you, you were with her.”
Eric covers his face with his hands. “There’s so much that I can’t change. That I won’t be able to take back. I’m sure that you feel the same. It’s in the past. Is there any way that we can find a way past it? Cause I want that Seph. I want you. I want what we’ve never been able to have.”
Everything feels like it’s crashing down around me. It doesn’t matter what Mabel says. This is complicated, even after facing it. There’s no way through these thorns without getting snagged and torn. “This is the past, Eric. Look where we are. What are we doing? We’re reliving it.”
“And that’s bad? We have a second chance.”
I’m really crying now. It feels like my chest is cracking open because how am I supposed to do this? How am I meant to go back to my phone and that unanswered text message and tell my best friend that I’ve been fucking her ex, even if I loved him first. “It’s too much,” I say.