“It’s not that exciting,” I say. “College, and then my senior year I made a short film that got some attention. Got a chance to do a couple of low-budget indie films, and my last one won a couple of awards. That’s the one that Clay saw. I worked with him on The Truth of Life as a B unit director, and he liked my work. I’m honestly not sure what made him pick me to replace him for this, but he did. And yet I’m still a klutz who manages to hurt herself falling down three steps.”
Peter laughs at that. “You make it sound easy, but I doubt it was. You think I don’t know how hard it is to be a female director? A female anything here? The fact that he picked you means that you work twice as hard and are twice as good as any of the men that could have gotten this job. And I think that’s clear to everyone on set.”
I’m blushing again, and I look away. “Thank you.”
“One day I’m going to get the details out of you,” he says.
I shake my head, overwhelmed, because it’s too much. It’s been so much time, and so much distance, and yet he seems to care just as much. Why does he care?
I don’t realize that I’ve said out loud until he’s responding. “I care about you, Amber. I never stopped caring, even if that’s hard for you to believe. So I want to know everything.”
“Everything?”
He nods.
“That’s going to take a while.”
“We have time,” he grins.
He makes it sound so easy, like we can just pretend that we haven’t spent the last ten years apart. But it doesn’t feel that simple to me. Even if I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame, nothing in my life after high school has been simple, and I can’t believe that this will be different.
It feels like our roles have reversed. In high school, I was the confident one with big ambition, and I remember helping him come out of his shell. What happened to me? Maybe that’s why Peter makes me nervous now because he has the confidence I used to have, and he reminds me of something that I forgot I was.
“Hey,” Peter says, tapping my hand. “You okay? You disappeared there for a second.”
“Yeah. I’m good.”
“You sure?”
I nod. “Thank you,” I say, “for helping me.”
He moves his hand like he’s going to take mine, but I see him glance towards the girl with the phone and he pulls it back. He smiles. “I’ll always help you, whenever you need it.” He leans in just a little. “Whatever you need.”
The way he says those words brings heat to my skin because there’s no mistaking what he’s talking about. I have no idea how to respond. Everything in me wants that, but there’s nothing I can do about it here. Nothing I should do about it at all.
“Amber Dwyer,” a nurse calls from the door.
Saved by the bell. Barely. I can’t even speak before Peter is up and moving, lifting me into his arms and carrying me toward the nurse. I’m glad that I didn’t have to respond to him, but I’m also glad that Peter is holding me again. And for the moment, I decide to enjoy it.
10
Peter
Pride and Prejudice Closing Night
It’s the last performance, and even though I’ve done this seven times now, I still feel like I’m going to be sick before the beginning of the show. And tonight, I feel like I’m going to be sick for an entirely different reason beside the fact that the house is packed.
My house is empty. About a month ago, Aunt Lily told me that she was going out of town on business for a few days. It didn’t click until yesterday that that was this weekend. She apologized about a million times for missing my final show, but considering she came to almost all the other ones, I’m really fine with it.
But that means that my house is empty right now. Empty on closing night. I want Amber to come home with me. I haven’t asked her yet, and I’m not sure we’re even there yet, but if we are, this would be the perfect time. I’m going to ask her, even though the thought of her saying no rips me up. This thing we have, I don’t want to risk breaking it by moving too fast. But still…
There she is.
After opening night, it’s become a ritual for her to come see me on this side of the stage. We have our little corner, and we tuck ourselves into it, arms wrapped around each other. “Hi,” I say, leaning down to kiss her.
“Hi.” She’s smiling, and I’ll never get tired of the way that she’s looking at me. Like I’m something special. There’s only a handful of people that have ever looked at me like that, and no one has ever made me feel the way she does.
“I have a question for you,” I tell her, “and I’m nervous about it, so I don’t know if I should ask you before or after the show.”
She makes a funny face. “Well is it a bad question?”
“I don’t think so,” I say, swallowing. “I hope not.”
Amber giggles, and reaches up on her tip-toes to kiss my cheek. “Than just take a breath and ask me now.”
I follow her instructions and take a breath, which always makes me feel better. “What would I do without you to remind me to breathe?”
“Just die, I guess,” she says.
I clear my throat. “Well, here goes. My aunt went out of town for work on Friday. She’s not going to be back until Tuesday.” I feel like something is constricting my throat as I choke out the words. “So I was wondering if you wanted to come home with me tonight?”
Amber’s face goes blank with surprise, and I immediately try to make it better. “But if you’re not ready for that I understand, I get it, there’s no rush to it, I just thought I’d ask—”
“Peter,” Amber says softly, and I stop talking. I take a breath. She smiles. “Of course I’ll come home with you.”
Relief, sweet and cool pours down my spine. “Really?”
“Really.”
The way she’s looking at me now sends a completely different energy through me. That same energy I felt the night we first kissed. I kiss her now, as Drew calls places. I have to live through the next two hours knowing that Amber is coming home with me, holding everything back from ditching the show and going home now. This is going to be our best performance, I know it.
She pulls away, and smiles, eyes glazed from our kiss. “I’ll see you on stage,” she says.
“See you.” I have to think of very cold and gross things while she walks away. Ice. Mildew. The smell of my socks. Thank fucking god that I’m not in the first few scenes, otherwise the audience would be getting a show that they didn’t pay for. These costumes leave nothing to the imagination.
The show pours out of both of us. Our chemistry has never been better, and because it’s the final night, I can’t help myself. When Darcy proposes to Elizabeth and she accepts, I kiss her. It’s too real for me, and I can hear the audience gasp and sigh. The perfect reaction.
This curtain call is better than all the rest, and for the first time we get a standing ovation. This is exhilarating, and I’m full of adrenaline and passion and my god I’m in love with her. I told her on opening night that I was falling in love with her, but I’m already there. All the way.