And he never told me, because he didn't think I'd want to hear, didn't mind that I'd never know if he made the difference between acceptance and rejection.
"Amber?" my mom asks. "Did you find out?"
I nearly choke on my words. "It was Peter. Peter asked him to do it. He paid for Mr. Davidson to send a package to every school." The look on my mom's face is one of awe, and emotion breaks me open. "I need to go to the bathroom," I say, standing quickly.
She doesn't stop me. I find my way into a stall and just sit on top of the seat. It takes a few more seconds for it to hit, but it does. And then I cry, because I don't know what else to do.
6
Amber
Present
I take a deep breath. Then another one. I can’t seem to catch a full one in my chest, and my heart rate is faster than normal. I need to calm down but I can’t seem to.
Gloria appears at my side with a glass of water. "Are you okay?" she asks. "You seem kind of off this morning."
"I'm fine," I lie.
"Okay," she says, even though she sounds like she doesn't believe me. "I just got a call. Rebecca was in a car accident and won't make it in today. She's fine, but she broke her leg. She says she can be back by the end of the week."
Rebecca is the stand in for Harley, the actress who plays Genova, our heroine. That's not great news, but we can make it work. "Harley's not in today, right?"
Gloria shakes her head. "No, she's in New York doing press for Cold Day in Heaven, the movie she shot last year."
Crap. That means I'll have to find a new stand-in. But we can rearrange the shooting schedule for the day since everything is on the same set. "Okay, tell the crew we're going to move up the Peter's solo scene so they should light for that, and we'll figure out someone who can do it by the time we get to the other one."
"Got it."
She heads off to relay orders, and I go back to trying to calm my fraying nerves. Peter's agent did call me to say that he'd be here, but I'm still terrified of seeing him. The way he walked out of my apartment, he was so angry, and so done. I can't believe that I ruined this so fast.
But if I can just talk to him, just let him know that I got caught up in my own head and that I overreacted, maybe he'll understand. Maybe he'll give me another chance. I drain the glass of water that Gloria brought me in one go. Shit, I need to relax. I can't run a set like this.
I barely finish that thought when Peter walks onto set. His costume today is low-slung jeans and a tight henley that shows off everything that I love about him. I'm seriously screwed. But even if we don't talk about us, I need to talk to him about the change in the schedule.
I hop off my chair, careful of my ankle. I'm down to a brace, but I still need to be careful. I approach him slowly. "Peter?"
He turns, and his eyes run up and down me quickly, without any emotion. "Amber."
I swallow. "Rebecca was in a car accident and Harley is in New York, so we're going to do your solo scene first so we can find another stand-in."
"That's fine, thank you."
His manner shouldn't surprise me, but it does. He can't really be this cold, can he? I push off the overwhelming fear. "I was also hoping we might be able to talk later."
"I'm sorry," he says, "the scenes today are pretty intense, and I need to prepare."
He turns back to his script, which I see is covered in scribbles and notes, the same way they always used to be. He obviously got another script after he left my apartment. "Of course," I say. "But it's good to see you."
He nods, nothing more. I close my eyes and breathe for a second before I turn and walk back to my chair. This is my job. My job. I pushed him away to protect it, and he's listening. The least I can do is perform that job to the best of my ability. So I walk away and let him prepare.
The lighting for this scene isn't that different, so it's not long before we're ready to start. I have another brief conversation with Peter, all business, just notes. It's a simple scene, some close-ups of him doing work, combined with an emotional moment of him looking at some pictures.
It goes well, and quickly, and before I know it I'm calling a wrap on it. Peter moves off the set to his chair and I make a point of not watching him. I won't do it. I won't.
"Well done, darling!" A brash, bold voice comes from behind me. I twist in my chair to find Clay Markham striding up. "Watched the scene. Excellent work, just excellent."
"Thank you, Clay," I say, smiling. I had no idea he was here, and it's comforting, in a way. Clay is always so over the top that it's endearing and amusing if you know him. "We're shooting out of order today. One of our stand-ins was in a car accident, and the actress is in New York. So we're trying to figure that out."
"I'm sure one of the agencies will send someone over."
"I'm sure," I say. "Gloria?"
"Yeah?" She comes over from the craft services table. "What's up?"
I take the glass of water she holds out to me. Gloria constantly keeps me hydrated. It's one of the things I like about her. "Where are we on a stand-in?"
"No luck so far," she says, rolling her eyes. "Seems like a lot of redheads are booked today."
"It's Los Angeles. You can't walk thirty feet without tripping over an actress, and we can't find one?"
Clay clears his throat. "That's probably my fault. Since you got inserted into my contract, the studio is probably keeping to the same restrictions I required. There's only a few agencies that I like to work with."
Gloria makes a finger gun gesture. "That's exactly it. The agencies we're allowed to pull from don't have anyone available."
"Well, shit," I say.
Clay laughs. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll find someone."
"Honestly, Amber, you should just do it. I'm willing to bet you have the entire script memorized, and you're a redhead."
I freeze, looking over at her. "What?"
She shrugs. "It's one scene. Read the lines with Peter."
"There has to be some other option."
"You can't push it off," Clay says. "It's a huge waste of budget to have to prep this again."
I give him a look, as if he didn't teach me most of what I know about running a practical set. "I can't exactly be in front of the camera when I'm supposed to be behind it, Clay."
That's the reason I'm going to give, but that's not the main reason. The real reason is that this is an important scene, not to mention one of the sexiest. It's filled with sexual tension, and the couple's first kiss. Two days ago I would have done this in a heartbeat, professionalism be damned. But now, even though it's something I need to do for the show, Peter could interpret it as me trying to force his hand. To torture him. I don't want that.
But I'm looking at Clay and he's smiling, arms open like he's ready to hug me. "But darling, I'm here. You don't need to be behind the camera when you have me to oversee everything."