The hoarse sound shot her into a sitting position. She quickly wiped the sleep from her eyes just as his opened. He looked disoriented for a moment.
“Sky?” he rasped.
“I’m here.” She touched his cheek in a soothing motion, startled to see him flinch. But not from pain. No, his eyes were swimming with…unhappiness?
“I told him not to call you,” Gage mumbled.
She wrinkled her brow. “You told Reed not to call me?”
Another groan. “Gonna…kill him.”
“Don’t you dare.” She pinned him with a fierce glare. “If he hadn’t called, I would’ve kicked his ass. This is exactly where I need to be, right here by your side.”
His third groan sounded like it was mingled with the word “no,” but she decided she’d misheard him.
Skyler hopped off the couch and smoothed out her tangled hair. “I’ll get you some water.”
“No.”
Now she heard it loud and clear. She frowned when he attempted to sit up. “Don’t move,” she said firmly. “You’re just going to jostle your ribs and make them hurt worse.”
The insufferable man ignored the command, sliding up until his back rested against the arm of the couch. “Sky…” The unhappy look returned, clouding his gray eyes.
“Don’t argue with me,” she grumbled. “I’m getting you some water, and then making you something to eat.” She crossed her arms. “I know you don’t like accepting help, but I’m here to take care of you.”
“No.”
The word ripped out of his throat once more, bringing a pang of uneasiness. “Why not?”
He rubbed his fist over his good eye before peering helplessly at her. “Damn it, Skyler. You can’t be here.”
Disbelief spiraled through her. “Where the hell else would I be?”
He went quiet for so long she wondered if he’d say anything at all. But then he did, and her entire world rocked on its axis.
“I want you to go.”
“Why, damn it?”
“Because…” He was breathing hard. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. It’s just the painkillers talking.”
“I didn’t take any painkillers. I know exactly what I’m saying, baby.”
Tears pricked her eyes. She knew she shouldn’t ask, but evidently she was a glutton for self-punishment, because the question burst out anyway. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying it’s over.”
Chapter Thirteen
Gage felt like a dozen fists had pummeled his chest repeatedly—and it had nothing to do with the fact that eight men had literally done that to him last night.
It was the devastation in Skyler’s beautiful blue eyes that evoked the beat-to-shit feeling. He’d known he’d end up hurting her, but knowing and seeing it happen were two very different things. Two very different levels of pure agony and total self-loathing.
But he couldn’t turn away from the course he’d set. He wasn’t good enough for her, he’d known it from the start, and it couldn’t have been clearer now, not if it was written in neon and flashing in Times Square. He was black and blue, courtesy of some very dangerous men, and he knew damn well that O’Donnell’s crew wasn’t going to leave him alone.
Christ, he’d been a naive fool. Thinking that Mitch would happily let their arrangement come to an end. Ha. The bastard would keep coming after him until he got what he wanted from Gage. If it struck his sick fancy, he’d even use Skyler to get it, and there was no way in hell Gage would let O’Donnell hurt her.
“Are you saying this because of Mitch? Are you ending it to protect me?” As usual, the damned woman read his mind.
“Partly,” he admitted.
“Well, that’s bullshit.” It was rare to hear her swear, and with such vehemence, too. “You don’t need to play the hero, and if you’re really worried he’ll come after you—or me—we can get the cops involved. Get a restraining order. There are lots of things we can do that don’t involve breaking up!”
“Skyler—”
Her eyes blazed with determination as she cut him off. “I can call my stepfather. Clay works for the—”
“This isn’t just about Mitch,” Gage interrupted. “I’m trying to protect you from me.”
She faltered, blinking in confusion.
“I’m not good enough for you.” His throat closed up. He’d never felt this helpless in his life. “Don’t you get it? I’m a punk from Southie who grew up to be an emotionally detached bastard. You deserve better.”
Skyler’s jaw tightened. “There you go again, telling me what I need. I can make my own decisions, Gage—and I choose to be with you.”
“I won’t let you.” He set his own jaw, and ignored the resulting ache that pulsed through his face.
One eye was still out of commission, but the other worked just fine, and he clearly saw the cloud of despair darkening Skyler’s eyes. Lord, she was beautiful. Beautiful and vulnerable and sweet and strong. Stronger than he’d thought, sure, but she was owed better than a man who was tangled up with thugs, a man who couldn’t truly open up to her. Lowering his guard during sex was one thing, but the intimacy she needed—no, the intimacy she deserved? He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to give it to her.
That sappy phrase suddenly floated into his mind, the one about loving someone enough to let them go. Well, he loved Skyler. He loved her strength, her intelligence, her endless compassion, and most of all, her light.
The light he’d eventually extinguish.
“I can’t be the kind of man you need.” His throat burned so badly he could barely get a word out. “You need someone who’s open and talks about important stuff, someone who smiles and laughs. That’s not me. I shut down years ago.”
“You’ve been opening up. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it.” Desperation clung to her voice.
“It’s not enough. It’ll never be enough.” Gage staggered off the couch, light-headed and sick to his stomach. When Skyler took a step forward, he held up his hand to stop her. “No, I’m fine.”
Her eyes flashed again. “God. You can’t ever accept help, can you? Would it kill you to let someone help you?”
Frustration slammed into him like a sledgehammer. It was the same accusation he’d heard a hundred times before. “See?” he said miserably. “It’s happening already. If we keep this up, you’ll end up resenting me. I can’t be the man you want me to be.”
“I want you to be you,” she burst out. “I don’t want you to change—I just want you to trust me enough to show me the real you. The good parts, the bad parts, just you.” She stopped abruptly, realization dawning in her eyes. “But you don’t trust anyone, do you? You can’t trust anyone, not completely.”
Swallowing, Gage slowly shook his head.
“Then you’re right.” A defeated breath shuddered out of her mouth, her shoulders sagging as if they were carrying the weight of the world. “We don’t stand a chance.”