He bites his bottom lip until it’s swollen and plump. He’s so fucking kissable right now, but the fear dancing in his eyes tells me he wants to say something. “You’re not going to leave me then?”
I reel backward. “Leave you?” The force of his words almost knocks me on my ass. I shake my head. “That’s not happening. Johnny, I care for you.”
He drops his forehead to mine, then picks my hand up and brushes kisses over my knuckles. He closes his eyes. “Let me get this out because it’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever said, and I don’t want to say it, but fuck, I think I finally know what it means.” He pauses for a beat. Underneath his closed lids, his eyes dance, and I wonder what’s lurking in the depths there. “I’ll get you out.” His gaze opens, staring straight into my eyes. “I’ll get you out of the Heights. You’ll be safe. I’ll set you up for life. I’ll—”
“Stop.”
He presses his lips shut, and damn if there aren’t unshed tears in his eyes. Just fuck me. Fuck.
“I’m not leaving you here.”
My heart is a puzzle made up of pieces of Johnny, Brawler, Magnum, and Oscar. I know it because all of them offered to get me out. They’ve all risked life and limb—K’s, and even Johnny’s ire—to make sure I’m safe. The moment I told him I wasn’t leaving him here, another puzzle piece shifted just slightly into place. I meant exactly that. I’m not staying to kill Big Daddy K anymore. I mean, yeah, I’m still going to, but right now, I’m staying for Johnny. I’m staying for him because he said he’d get me out with no thought of escaping with me. He thinks he’s stuck. He’d stay behind, knowing his father would give him more than a black eye after finding out I left. K’s evil knows no boundaries.
Johnny drops his head to my chest and loses it. He clutches my t-shirt in his fists, pulling the fabric tight around me. The noise he makes breaks my heart. I run my hands through his hair and down his back, holding him close. His bowed back, his bent head, it’s as if he’s praying at my altar, which only makes me love him more. Johnny doesn’t submit to anyone or anything, but the fact he feels comfortable enough to do this with me means I know just where he stands in his feelings for me.
“I was hoping you’d say no because I’m a selfish asshole, but even though I’m happy, I hurt too. I don’t want to be like my dad.” He peers up at me. His face contorts in pain, and I hold my breath. “You asked me about my mom once. She left. She got out. She started a new life, and I’ve hated her ever since. The moment she left, she changed my dad, or at least that’s what I thought. I thought she turned him into a monster, but the more I learn, the more I realize he’s been a monster all this time. That’s why she left. She didn’t change him. She ran from the person he is.”
I pull him to me and lie back on the bed. We hold one another, and even though my heart breaks for Johnny, it soars for him too. He’s breaking down his barriers. He’s letting me in. He’s letting himself think outside of the Crew box.
“Hey,” I say, threading my fingers through the back of his hair and making him look at me. “I’m not running from you.”
His eyes close, and he draws in a ragged breath. He tries to dip his head again, but I hold him tight, making sure we’re looking at one another.
I smile, a small one that only teases the corners of my lips. Hesitation almost closes my throat, but I’m through pulling punches with him. No, it’s not the time to tell him I’m going to kill his dad, but I’m not going to sugarcoat his father’s personality either. “You’re not like your dad. He’s mean and uncaring, and if your mom left, I’m sure she had a reason. A damn good one.”
“I didn’t understand it until I almost lost you. When I was thinking how much I wanted to get you out so nothing else could happen to you, it dawned on me that my mom did the same thing. She took her future into her own hands, and after that, I just got it. It’s like a switch turned on in my brain. I thought she was a horrible person. Someone who would leave us behind. Selfish and low.” He shakes his head slowly. “I don’t think that anymore, Kyla. If you were to leave, I wouldn’t blame you. I’d help you hide. I’ll give you everything.”
“Shh,” I soothe him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“But why?” He swallows. “This place isn’t for you. I can’t keep you safe all the time even though I’ll try like hell.”
My throat dries. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth, so I lick my lips to bring life back to my parched skin. “Because I’m not going without you.”
Just like he said a switch went off in his brain about his mother, it happens again now. Johnny reaches for me, kissing me like a crazed man. He parts my lips, delving his tongue inside like he can see my soul from here. He wants to torture it. Soothe it. Ravish it and put me back together.
I moan into him and grab his shirt. “Johnny...”
I’m so caught up in his stare, I don’t notice the slight shake of the bed at first. The rattling of the windows doesn’t register. It isn’t until the loudest explosion I’ve ever heard goes off, rocking me to my core that I hold on to Johnny with a fierce grip as the foundation of the tower shakes.
A violent tremor rolls through the building. The door to the apartment opens, and Johnny jumps, clearing my body and the bed as he lands on his feet closest to the bedroom door. He fists his hands at his sides.
Magnum rushes inside, yelling, “Bomb! Get out. Get out. We have to get out.”
I leap from the bed next, putting my hand in Johnny’s outstretched palm. Magnum ushers us forward, taking up the rear as we sprint toward the apartment door. Once we clear it, Johnny pulls me to the right, the opposite direction of the elevators. My bare feet pound the carpet as we run. At the end of the hall, he opens a cleverly disguised Emergency Exit and we spill out into a stairwell.
The building vibrates beneath our feet, along with sounds I’ve only ever attributed to knocking or creaking that rip through the building.
“Watch the exit!” Mag calls out behind us. “It could be a trap.”
After sprinting down the stairs, we explode out into a landing that leads to an exterior exit door. Magnum moves in front of us. He pulls a gun out of a foot holster and hands it to Johnny. Then he takes a knife from the same holster and holds it out to me. “Do not wait for either of us. Run to Oscar’s. Don’t turn around.”
Magnum whips the door open. A blaring alarm goes off, but I hardly hear it because all I see is Magnum running from the concealed cover of the building into who knows what.
“Mag!” I call out.
A thousand different scenarios flood my brain. What if he gets shot, and I just wasted my last moment? What if he doesn’t make it? What if—?
Johnny pushes me toward the door. “Do as he says. Do not look back. Stay low.”
Cool air hits my face, and the dark night sends shivers down my spine as I take my first step toward uncertainty.
12
A rapid succession of gunshots ring out, and I can’t tell who is shooting at who. My feet skid along the pavement as I take off to the left. It’s so disorienting because I’ve never come out this side of the building, and I have no idea where I am in relation to the street.