Axel just growls. “I do good pot noodles. Maybe it’s safer if we all go out. Then we can fake a childcare emergency and leg it home if they are stuck up arseholes.”
“Good plan.” Jens sighs.
“Marthe, no! Please! Not the shaving foam. That’s Pappa’s special squirty bottle. Give it back. Now!”
Too late. Jens’ shirt is sprayed in a fine mist of foam. And Axel just laughs.
“Pappa, what the hell is going on in there?” Malena is standing in the doorway. “We were just leaving. Can’t I trust you to do anything right? What has Marthe got in her hair?”
“Shaving foam.” Axel sighs. “We ran out of the bubble gum shite.”
Malena puts Marthe to bed, Axel gets changed, again, and Jens gives Mikki a bath. Tobias just sits there like he has always been there. Chats about hockey with Morten, eating crisps while Nemo is found and chaos erupts around them.
Axel insists, he practically manhandles Mikki into bed and snuggles up for a bedtime story. Giving the little boy as many cuddles and kisses as he demands before tucking him up on his side of the bed. Because Mikki is his little boy, and Axel has this incomprehensible urge to make sure Mikki knows it.
Mikki, who is the perfect little mini-Jens, with his dark blond waves and crinkly eyes. The same lips and olive skin as his father. Same irresistible smile. Nothing like Morten who is the double of Sofie, with his fair skin and blond hair, that is now impossibly short after the hairdresser worked his magic on the unruly mop of hair he was sporting. While Malena is her father’s daughter, and Marthe. Well, Axel thinks she looks like him. She is Axel’s baby alright, same shade of blonde and impossible dimples in her cheeks, where the God of genetics has had a laugh and thrown some random genes her way.
Axel bends down and kisses her forehead. “Sleep tight my beautiful little monkeys.” he whispers, as he tucks the duvet around her and presses his hand to Mikki’s head.
He finds Tobias and Jens in the kitchen making cheese on toast. With tomato. And there is bacon bubbling in a pan and Axel’s stomach growls. “It’s now quite Croque Monsieur, but I like the saltiness of the bacon with the cheese.” Tobias smiles at Axel .
“The boy can cook. I think we need him to move in.” Jens pants and takes a sip of his beer. “Tobias’ parents run a restaurant, so we are fucked if we invite them for Pot Noodle dinner.”
“My dads would find it hilarious. Pot Noodle dinner. You should do it. As long as there is wine and beer they wouldn’t give a fuck what you serve to eat.”
“We can’t cook. Well, I try, but I burn fish fingers and overcook pasta. I can make tacos?” Axel offers and Malena laughs and pats him on the back.
“The tacos were a good try Axel. They were fine.” Malena is looking at him with a sympathetic smile.
“There was nothing wrong with my tacos!” Axel tries to look shocked. Grasping his chest.
“Your tacos were epic baby.” Jens laughs and wraps him up in a hug. “We didn’t mind picking out the burnt bits.” And Axel smiles into his shirt, smelling of bubble-gum and shaving foam and beer and maybe cheese. Definitely a hint of cheese there, he thinks, as he presses a kiss to Jens’ lips.
And that’s how they stay. The five of them around the kitchen table having a laugh over a few beers and some incredible cheese on toast. Morten on Jens’ lap whinging about never getting cheese on toast, especially cheese on toast like this. And Tobias looks proud as he gives them all a hug before heading home.
It’s how it should be. Easy laughter and a lot of love, Axel thinks, as he crawls under the duvet and gently pushes Mikki over, so Jens can slide in behind him. Arms tight around his chest and warm breath on his neck. “I fucking love my family.” Jens whispers. And Axel knows what he means. He fucking loves them too.
From: [email protected]
Dear Marit. Thank you for your email. We will be there. No special requests, apart from to please respect our children’s privacy by not mentioning them by name or asking specific questions about them. We are happy to discuss most other things but would like to keep the topic on parenting and possibly mention the invasion of privacy from the press.
Kind rgds Axel and Jens
AXEL: Tobias was nice. We like him.
MALENA: We do.
AXEL: Sleep tight. See you tomorrow.
MALENA: added PAPPA to the group chat.
MALENA: I might as well have both of you on here since apparently Axel is now officially my OTHER PAPPA.
AXEL: Sorry. That was a bit of a dick thing to pull on you.
PAPPA: Axel is your Other Pappa. Suck it up babes.
MALENA: I hate you.
MALENA: renamed AXEL to THAT OTHER PAPPA.
THAT OTHER PAPPA: Honoured. Thank you.
MALENA: Suck it up dickhead. You are now stuck with me.
PAPPA: Love you.
THAT OTHER PAPPA: Love you too.
MALENA: Piss off both of you. Thanks for looking after Tobias. He had a good time. Hasn't stopped texting me.
PAPPA: (hearteyes emoji)
THAT OTHER PAPPA: Heart emoji.
MALENA: night night. Xxx
Sommerfeldt apartment, Skøyen, Oslo
Sunday Morning
The morning starts well. Well, as well as can be expected. Marthe has wet the bed because somehow her nappy just isn’t attached to her body anymore. Mikki is crying because his pyjamas are wet and Morten is fast asleep in the middle of it all, not remotely bothered by the growing wet patch on the side of his leg.
Jens is pacing around the house trying to download his emails to his tablet, and Axel is trying to run a bath while Marthe and Mikki are running around the flat shouting and screaming and making each other cry. It’s a miracle the neighbours aren’t banging on the walls and calling the police since it’s only half past seven in the morning. On a Sunday.
“I used to lie in bed on a Sunday morning with my laptop and a nice cup of coffee.” Axel snarls and catches Marthe, turning her upside down over his shoulder and walking off towards the bathroom.
“Ah! Those long-gone days…” Jens sighs and puts his tablet down. “I can’t find Sonja’s brother’s email. I will just have to suck it up and call him. Won’t I?”
“Text him. Just grovel, and tell him you hope he and his family are well or something?” Axel’s voice rings out from somewhere in the hallway.
“Babe, do you want instant or posh coffee?”
“Just instant is fine.” Axel shouts back. “Don’t waste the posh stuff when it will only go cold while I try to clean up these kids. MIKKKIIIIII!!”
“I’ll come and help, just hang on.” Jens calls back and flicks the kettle on, loading instant coffee into two mugs and grabbing the milk from the fridge, while Mikki attaches himself to his leg and shouts: