There’s general agreement around the group of us after which we lapse into our own memories and regrets of time passed.
Finally, Brad stands. “We have to get ready if we’re going to be on time.”
“Right.” Shoving to my feet, I place the mostly empty bottle in front of me with some regret. I wish I could bring the rest of it with me to numb what I’m about to endure.
But Jed deserves better.
With that in my mind, I climb the stairs to put on one of the two suits I brought with me.
Kara
“Mom, why are we being stared at?” Kevin slides an arm protectively around my shoulder after he returns from the restroom. Every parent wonders at some point what kind of person their child is going to be. Not me—mine is going to be a protector. Even at fifteen, I can tell that, as he tucks me tighter against his side to guard me from everyone in the room.
Including his father.
Not that he knows John Jennings is his biological father, and if there’s a god watching down on me as the three of us endure the second service to pay tribute to Jed, and in our hearts Dean as well, he’ll pay his respects and never be the wiser.
But there’s not a chance in hell I’ll be that lucky, and I damn well know it. Soon, everything is going to be exposed—the past I’ve tried to move on from as much as possible. Resentment slithers through me, burning away the pain, when I see the picture of Jed’s smiling face. I know I agreed to it, Jed, but why do I have to do this now? I think harshly. Why did I let you talk me into this?
But none of that shows on my face when I reply to my son. “These people are all friends of Jed’s, sweetheart.” I reach up to grab Kevin’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “They’re probably trying to figure out who we are.”
Maris sniffs into her handkerchief. I reach over and pull her closer. She lays her head on my shoulder, her perfectly tamed, glossy hair, in such a contrast to Jed’s wild mane, cascading over the stark black of my funeral attire. We stand there, two women who loved two brothers who still had so much to give the world with so little time, when Kevin’s arm tenses around me. Maris’s head lifts. “Shit. Jacks up,” she says, using the poker vernacular we adapted years ago to refer to when Jennings, Kody, Brad, Nick, or Jed would be about to intrude on our private conversations—more often than not about them.
The old shorthand hurls me back to the day I met all of them sixteen years ago, all ego, all gorgeous, up for a visit where they worked for the Lumberjack Show in Ketchikan. I felt lost among the overwhelming emotions in what was obviously an established family—that was, until Jennings set his sights on me. And I fell for it. And him.
“Would it be completely inappropriate to start a brawl at Jed’s wake?” I mutter as Brad makes an approach with a pale face.
Maris shrugs. “If you can live with that for the summer, then I can.”
Turning, I ignore Brad, who’s almost on top of us. “Whose idea was that, again?”
“Your brother-in-law’s,” Maris says firmly. I’m about to remind her Jed was her brother first, but she holds out her hand saying, “Brad, thank you for coming.”
I move slightly ahead of Kevin, who squawks in protest. Let him be pissed. No one gets to approach my son except through me.
Meanwhile, Brad uses Maris’s extended hand to yank her close. I hear him murmur, “Mar, how…it was out of nowhere.”
A rush of the bonds of the brotherhood Jed would talk about flow through me. It pains me to know they’re hurting in much the same way I am. We’re all on this same path together, but I still have to guard my reactions carefully because I learned there were only a handful of people I could trust my heart to. And the only ones left are Maris and Kevin.
And it’s my duty to allow them to grieve.
Since the night the police showed up at our home to let us know about the crash, I’ve been numb inside. I’ve forced myself to be for Kevin, for Maris, to give them the time to heal. Frankly, it’s amazing I’ve got this far without a complete breakdown. I can’t imagine what’s going to happen after the service tomorrow when… No, I tell myself firmly. It was all Jed asked for, pleaded for.
I can practically hear his voice in my ear whispering, “Give Jennings a chance.”
And I’ll honor his final wishes. Just like I’ll honor the fact that some of the ashes in the urns are Dean’s. After all, Jed was a beloved part of my life. Our lives, I amend silently. If Dean was the only dad figure Kevin’s ever known, then Jed stepped into his role as favorite uncle without a hitch.
As if the cord that once bound his life to mine is transmitting a message, Kevin tugs me closer. With a sigh, I silently wonder when did the little boy who used to fit cradled in one of my arms shoot up to the six-foot boy-man trying to shelter me from the unknown?
Raising my hand, I give his a quick squeeze. “We don’t have to stay much longer, sweetheart.”
“Okay, Mom.” Beneath his stoic demeanor, his determination to be strong for me, there’s still the little boy who’s lost.
But Kevin’s voice snaps Brad’s attention away from whatever he was saying to my sister-in-law. “Kara, I can’t believe it’s you.” The shock in his voice confirms to me Jed kept his promise about us. Jed never told the Jacks about Dean beyond the fact he got married. I know he did that to protect Kevin and me, but now it just seems so useless, such a waste.
With his life cut far too short, I bitterly regret never allowing the Jacks to meet my brother. What would they have thought about the fun-loving man who was a perfect counterpoint to Jed’s wild craziness? Now, I’ll never know.
“Brad,” I acknowledge him with a tip of my head. There’s a reservation in my voice that’s hard to miss, and it causes him to flinch. His devastated eyes drift to Kevin, and they widen almost comically. I want to grab my son and run under the intense perusal.
“You hardly look a day older than when we were all at that last barbecue at the Smiths’ together.” He turns and looks at the urn. “It’s like no time’s passed.”
I make a noise, neither agreeing or disagreeing with him. Above all, I’m not encouraging Brad because to do that means opening the door to everything tonight. And I absolutely can’t do that without preparing my son. Remembering the warnings from Kevin’s therapist about keeping the funeral separate from the impending news of his father, I just pray to God no one makes a scene tonight. This need to prepare him is pressing urgently on me as I’m standing half a room away from the man who changed my life in so many ways.
But Brad chooses to engage Kevin. Holding out a hand, he introduces himself. “Bradley Myers. Jed was one of my best friends. More like brothers, actually.”
Kevin imperceptibly relaxes against me whereas I tense beneath his arm. Don’t, baby! I want to yell. But before I manage to open my mouth, Kevin does exactly what Dean and Jed taught him to.
He politely introduces himself.
“Kevin Malone, sir.” He holds out a hand, waiting for Brad to take it, which he does, astonished.
“Nice to meet you. I swear you remind me of someone I know.” Brad’s eyes dart over to Maris, who’s studiously avoiding his gaze. He turns blue eyes on me to skew me in place even as he shakes my son’s hand before letting it go.