Dani and I had spent one Thanksgiving together in New York, the only time I actually remembered liking the holiday. It had been the six of us. Chase and Darius, Paige and Reese, me and Dani. Reese and Dani had done most of the cooking; Darius baked all the pies. I’d felt mostly useless—I didn’t know the first thing about basting a turkey—but there was something magical about watching from the sidelines, seeing the meal come together from the efforts of the people I’d grown to care most about in the world.
That Thanksgiving felt like a lifetime ago.
The scene in Isaac’s kitchen wasn’t all that different, though Reese had been replaced with Isaac as sous chef. When Dani had asked for an assistant, he’d been quick to volunteer before anyone else even had the opportunity. The gesture had clearly surprised Dani, but I could have predicted Isaac’s willingness. He had been intentional in his effort to be closer to his sister lately. Things weren’t perfect between them, but they were both trying, which went a long way toward creating a happy holiday atmosphere as they prepared the meal.
Darius, of course, had agreed for a second time to take care of dessert. Which left me and Chase and the rest of the guys watching football in the living room.
“Hey, can we get a hand in here?” Dani called from the kitchen.
Chase moved to stand up, but I reached out my arm and stopped him. “I’ll go.”
He raised an eyebrow, the expression in his eyes telling me he knew exactly why I was eager to be in the kitchen. I shrugged my shoulders, but I couldn’t exactly contradict him. I’d found a hundred different reasons already to pass through the kitchen, all of them completely unnecessary except for the fact that they brought me closer to Dani. I wasn’t ready to admit what it meant that I still felt so drawn to her, or worse, what it meant that I was finally giving in. But I wasn’t idiot enough to try and deny it either.
I rounded the corner into the kitchen, and Dani smiled. Had her eyes lit up when she’d seen it was me? She and Isaac stood holding the large roasting pan full of turkey between them. “We didn’t exactly plan ahead,” Dani said. “Can you clear a space on the counter?”
I shifted Darius’s pies to the edge of the island and moved a package of celery and a bag of carrots back into the fridge. “Where’s Darius?”
“He had to go buy more butter for the mashed potatoes,” Isaac said. “Apparently, we underestimated just how many pies he intended to make.”
“I should have warned you,” Chase said from the doorway. “Even when it’s just the two of us and his Mom, he makes at least two pies per person. The man feels strongly about his dessert.”
“Two pies per person,” Isaac said. “I think this is a tradition we should try and implement when Mom and Dad come home.”
“If they ever come home,” Dani said with a laugh. “I did not anticipate them loving Europe this much.”
“They’ll come home eventually,” Isaac said. “I mean, sooner or later one of us will get married or have a kid. They’re bound to come back for something like that.”
At once, Dani’s gaze flew to mine. The conversation we’d once had about children popped into my head. We’d been walking in Central Park after attending a fashion gala at the Met a couple of months before we’d broken up. We’d just passed the zoo, where some sort of children’s charity event had been taking place. “Do you want kids?” Dani had asked bluntly, looping her arm through mine.
“I do,” I’d said, hardly taking time to think about my answer. “I’d like them to come with blonde curly hair and bright blue eyes.” I’d stopped walking then, and turned her to face me, slipping my arms around the small of her back. “Just like their mother.”
She’d closed her eyes and I’d wondered for a moment if I’d spoken too plainly, too boldly. “What about you?” I whispered. “Do you want kids?”
She’d smiled then, her cheeks full of new color. “Yeah. Twins might be fun. But I’m kind of partial to brown eyes.” She’d pulled herself closer to me, reaching up on tiptoe to kiss me just beside my left eye. Her lips trailed a row of kisses down to my earlobe, and then across my jawline until she found my lips. Her hands moved to my cheeks and she’d kissed me right there in front of a homeless woman, a hotdog vendor, and a pair of teenagers who appeared to be high on something, but not so high to keep them from whistling at us when the kiss didn’t stop. We’d kissed so many times in our relationship. Every day. But there was an unexpected tenderness to that moment that I wouldn’t ever forget.
“One of each then,” I had said when she’d finally pulled away, my voice thick with emotion.
“It’s a plan,” she’d whispered back.
“Yo, Dani, we carving this bird or what?” Isaac said.
Dani gave her head a little shake, turning her eyes back to Isaac. Had she been remembering the same conversation? “No. I mean, yes. Just not yet. It has to rest first.” She pressed a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. “I think I, um . . . I’ll be right back.” She pulled her apron off and draped it over a kitchen chair before sliding into the garden through the back door.
“What was that all about?” Isaac asked, looking to me.
I shrugged. “She’s probably just too warm from all the cooking.” I moved to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. “Maybe I’ll see if she needs this.”
“You better let me,” Chase said, showing up in the kitchen and reaching for the bottle. “I have a feeling you are not the man Dani needs to see right now if the goal is to cool her down.”
“Wait, what?” Isaac said. He watched Chase leave then turned his gaze on me. “Is something going on with you and Dani?”
“No,” I said quickly.
He narrowed his eyes like he didn’t believe my response.
“No,” I said again. “Nothing has happened.”
“But you want it to?”
I forced out a breath. “I don’t know. Possibly?” I sank onto a barstool and dropped my head into my hands. “But after what happened, I’m not sure it matters. I don’t think she’ll have me.”
Before Isaac responded, Darius pushed into the room and dropped a grocery bag full of butter onto the counter. He looked from me to Isaac, and then back to me again. “Did I miss something?”
“Just Alex admitting that he never stopped loving Dani. Did you remember to get some heavy cream?”
“Isaac, please,” I said, shooting a glance over my shoulder at the back door.
“She’s still in the garden with Chase,” Darius said. “You’re cool.” He sat beside me on a neighboring stool. “Is it true?”
“I don’t know. And that’s all I said earlier. I don’t know how I feel. Or how she feels.”
Darius nodded his head. “You know, you’re different now. So is Dani. You never know. Maybe different is what you both need.”
“You’re talking as if I didn’t make a monumental mistake. There are no guarantees here. Even if I did, hypothetically, want us to get back together, she likely won’t forgive me. I’m not sure I would if she’d done the same thing to me.”