Sunday night she couldn’t sleep. None of her regular tricks—hot bath, soothing book, warm boozy drink—worked. Finally, she turned on a documentary, and the soothing voices talking about an old sports scandal lulled her to sleep, at least for a few hours. But she woke up at four with that look on Max’s face in her head, and she knew she’d never get back to sleep.
At five a.m. Monday, she went to the gym for a spin class. She thought it would make her feel better, but instead she cried the entire time. Thank God she also sweat so much no one had seemed to notice.
She showered at the gym and threw her work clothes on there. At least she didn’t have any meetings that day and could hunker down in the office and get work done and not talk to a soul.
She shut off her feelings and worked steadily for almost two hours—she finished a brief, she replied to dozens of emails, she went through a pile of documents for discovery prep, and was deep into the PowerPoint for their next pitch when Ellie knocked on her door.
“I was wondering why the light was on in your office. What in the Lord’s name are you doing here?” Ellie asked. “It’s barely eight a.m. I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever seen you at this hour in my life.”
Olivia shrugged. She really wasn’t in the mood to get into everything with Ellie right now. Hopefully, she could play this all off—the makeup she’d thrown on when she got to the office after the gym should mask any of the lingering signs of her tears, and she’d learned from her many years working for terrible bosses how to pretend she was okay at work.
“I couldn’t sleep. I was worrying about all of this stuff, so I decided to just come in and dive into it.” She made herself laugh. “It’s made me realize you’ve been right all of these years about getting into the office early—it’s great to be able to dive into work without any of the distractions that are there in the late afternoon, operating on adrenaline and a huge cup of coffee instead of a sugar high and then low from my three p.m. snack.”
Ellie narrowed her eyes and came farther into her office.
“This feels like one of those things where in six months I’ll look back on it and say, ‘I should have known my best friend had been kidnapped and a robot had replaced her that time she showed up at the office before eight a.m. and told me how great it was to get up early.’ ” She came around the desk and touched Olivia’s forehead. “You seem like a real person, but I’m not convinced. What was the name of that shot that made you so sick that one night in law school? And don’t ask me which night!”
Olivia forced herself to grin. She would joke around with Ellie about this, and Ellie would go back to her office, and she wouldn’t have to talk about anything hard.
“The Three Wise Men: Jack, Jim, and Jose. The most disgusting thing I’ve ever put in my body; my body clearly agreed, because it revolted against it very quickly afterward. That was the fault of our damn friends, but I mostly blame Nathan. Satisfied that I’m who I say I am?”
Ellie pursed her lips.
“I’m still not convinced. A robot could probably come up with that one; that’s probably the shot that’s made a lot of people that sick.” She looked around the room, and her eye landed on Olivia’s gym bag in the corner.
Oh shit. It was all over now.
“Olivia. What’s that?”
No, no, she wasn’t going to concede defeat just yet.
“Just my gym bag. I went to the gym this morning but I didn’t want to put my makeup on in the crowded mirror there, so I waited until I got here. Though, the lighting situation in the bathroom here leaves a lot to be— ”
Ellie closed the door. Then she sat down in the chair across from Olivia.
“Okay. Spill it. What did he do?”
Olivia looked in her eyes for a few seconds, and it all fell apart.
“He didn’t . . . he did something, but it wasn’t . . . but it made me realize we . . .” She swallowed. “I broke up with him. Friday night. I’m a wreck, El.”
It felt real, to say it out loud to Ellie. She hadn’t wanted it to feel real.
“Oh, honey.” Ellie jumped out of her chair and pulled Olivia into a hug. “Do you not want to talk about it? Is that why you didn’t tell me before? I’m sorry for quizzing you—I was mostly just joking until you said you went to the gym in the morning. Then I knew something was up. But if you want to just keep your head down and get work done today, I understand; I’ve been there.”
Olivia shook her head. Now that she’d said part of it, she had to get it all out.
“It all started because of that community center event I went to with him on Friday night. Thanks for your text about that; I’m glad I looked good in the pictures, at least.” She took the tissue Ellie handed her, and then let the whole story spill out. “I never thought this could work between us—I guess I was right.”
She took a deep breath.
“But worst of all, I let it affect our firm. I’m so sorry about that. All of those news stories brought our firm up, too; I hate that all of these people know things about me I never wanted them to know, and I’ve probably destroyed my career because of a man, but I’ll never forgive myself if I’ve destroyed yours, too. I was so afraid our firm would fail because I didn’t work hard enough or people didn’t have enough faith in us, but I never thought it might happen because I got myself in an ill-advised relationship.”
Ellie dropped the tissue box back on the desk.
“Olivia. What in God’s name are you talking about? If anything happens and our firm doesn’t survive, we’ll manage. I’ll get another job, and so will you. We are both fantastic lawyers, with successful careers, and one stint at a law firm that didn’t make it won’t do a damn thing to either of us. Neither, by the way, will a few news stories about you getting arrested over twenty years ago—do you know how many lawyers we both know who have multiple DUIs and are still partners at law firms? But none of this is an issue, because our law firm is not going to fail! And it’s certainly not going to fail because of anything that happened in your relationship!”
Olivia looked down at her lap so she wouldn’t have to meet Ellie’s eyes.
“Okay, but what if it does? I will have let you down, and myself down.”
Ellie banged her fist on the desk, and Olivia looked up in surprise.
“Pardon my language, but that’s bullshit. You haven’t let anyone down. You’ve worked your ass off for us. As a matter of fact, you’re the one who decided to take the Clementine case when I know we both wanted to tell those jerks we didn’t need their business. And we didn’t! We have plenty of work! Our firm is doing great! We’ve already surpassed some of our end-of-the-year goals, and it’s only August.”
Olivia wiped her eyes again.
“I know. But— ”
Ellie shook her head.
“No buts! Our business is thriving, but even if it wasn’t, the most important thing is us. Our firm is not the important thing here, our firm is not a person. You and I are what matter. Olivia and Ellie are more important than Monroe and Spencer any day. Never forget that, okay?”
Olivia closed her eyes for a second, and took a deep breath.