“Again,” Ryan calls.
She looks a little frustrated with herself, but she nods and scurries back to the other end of the beam to start over.
Ryan turns to me.
“So, uh, I’ve been thinking about ways to support the foundation you and Jasmine are launching,” Ryan says, looking down at his feet.
“What?” I ask, surprised.
“Yeah. It’s an amazing cause and I want to do my part,” he says, shrugging.
“Oh, uh, wow. Thank you,” I say.
“I hope this isn’t overstepping anything, but I called a few places around town to see who might be willing to host a fund-raiser,” he says.
“You did what?” I blurt.
He speeds up nervously. “Jade Castle agreed that if we wanted to partner with them for a fund-raiser, one hundred percent of the proceeds for drinks ordered there would go directly to the Elite Gymnastics Foundation, as long as we tip the bartenders.”
He looks directly at me now, and I’m almost too stunned to speak.
“Ryan, oh my god,” I say.
He winces. “Or if you hate the idea, I don’t have to do anything at all. I haven’t agreed to anything with Jade Castle yet—I just called to ask.”
“No, are you kidding me? That’s so ridiculously nice of you, really,” I say.
I can’t believe he really did this. It’s not out of character, exactly—I know he’s a thoughtful person, and I’m sure his friends would have no problem drinking enough to raise a sizable chunk of money—but I’m blown away that he would do all this for me.
Hallie flips across the beam and sticks the landing. She leans dramatically into a bow.
“Good one,” Ryan calls. “Again.”
He drops his voice and turns to me. “I wanted to find a way to show you how sorry I am for almost taking the Powerhouse job. I made a huge mistake by not listening to you from the moment you told me what Dimitri’s really like, and I hate that I upset you by taking so long to come around. I know this isn’t enough, but I hope it’s a step toward showing you that I really do care about keeping Hallie and the other girls safe and happy.”
His apology that night at Summit was one thing, but this is on another level entirely. This shows me that he’s listening and learning, and isn’t that all anyone can ask for? He made a mistake and isn’t just owning it—he’s fixing it. I wish we were somewhere else so I could give him a hug.
“Thank you,” I say, squeezing his arm. “I really appreciate that. This fund-raiser sounds really helpful.”
He exhales, relieved. “Jade Castle had a big birthday party reservation cancel, so they actually have space for us at seven o’clock tomorrow night,” he offers. “Unless that’s too soon, in which case, we can figure something else out.”
My stomach drops, and it’s not just because Jade Castle was the scene of my disastrous first Tinder date after moving back to Greenwood.
“Oh! I would, but I actually have dinner plans tomorrow,” I lie.
I’m not ready to spend time with Ryan outside of work. If I’m honest with myself, I know I’m not fully over him yet. That’s why we’ve barely spoken about anything except for Hallie since our breakup, and that’s why I can’t bring myself to open Tinder again, even though the app sends plenty of reminders that people nearby have swiped right on me.
“Oh, no worries, we can schedule this for another time,” he says, scratching his ear and blushing.
“Uh, no, go for it. I don’t have to be there—what matters is that people are raising money,” I say awkwardly. “And maybe I could swing by later.”
“Are you sure?” Ryan asks.
I hesitate. “Have an amazing time.”
Hallie finishes beam and heads to vault next. I’m not her coach for either event, so even though I watch from the sidelines and offer encouragement, there’s unfortunately enough space for my mind to wander.
I’m touched that Ryan would organize a fund-raiser. I’d worried that I’d trusted him too easily, and felt duped that I’d fallen for a guy who would shove the worst moments of my life under the rug so that he could climb the career ladder. In the aftermath of the breakup, it was easy to boil everything down to simple black and white: he was wrong, he was a bad guy, and so we were over.
But life isn’t so black and white. People are complicated, and they can grow. I certainly have. I can’t deny that between Ryan turning down Dimitri’s job offer and him organizing this fund-raiser, I’m starting to see him in a better light. He wants to learn and make amends. He’s open to changing his mind, even when it comes at a personal cost. Despite the frost between us ever since Nationals, it wouldn’t be fair to ignore that he’s taken significant strides to earn my approval again. The next step might be forgiveness.
I sit on the edge of the blue floor and pick at a piece of fuzz coming loose from the fabric. Sixty feet away, Ryan leans over the vault table, explaining something I can’t quite hear to Hallie. He talks with his hands, and she nods along. Hallie’s attention is tightly fixated on what he’s saying; I can tell from the serious way she stands with her hands on her hips, biting her lip. She trusts him, doesn’t she? Maybe I should trust him, too.
* * *
SOS, what are you doing tomorrow night? I text Sara on my lunch break.
I’m eating last night’s leftover tilapia and zucchini straight from the Tupperware in my car. Ryan’s invitation, however casual, made me too jittery to eat within the same building as him.
I have a friend’s housewarming party at 8, wanna come? she texts back.
Ryan invited me to drink with his friends tomorrow night at Jade Castle, I write. It’s a fund-raiser for EGF.
Her response pops up before I can continue typing: ???
I lied and said I had plans with you. I don’t wanna go alone. But I do think I might want to go. Please come with me? I text.
It sounds so pitiful laid out like that, but I know Sara won’t judge me.
How’s this: I’ll come with you for a bit, then head out to the party once you find your footing? she asks. Slash you have two drinks and feel fine.
That second one sounds about right, I write. Thank you. Love you.
I finish the fish and text Jasmine to join us. She knows, of course, that Ryan turned down Dimitri’s job offer, but I think she’s still skeptical of him—or anyone who would willingly associate with her ex, to be honest. I can’t blame her. I care about her opinion, and I’d feel less guilty over my storm of conflicting emotions toward Ryan if I had her approval of him. I want her take on this situation. I’m strangely relieved when she texts back that Ryan’s fund-raiser sounds amazing. She says she wants to go.
* * *
On Saturday night, I arrive at Jade Castle a little after eight with Sara and Jasmine by my side. The restaurant’s lounge is dimly lit and crowded, filled with vaguely familiar faces I’ve seen around town. I spot Ryan standing with a cluster of people by the window, holding a beer and in the midst of conversation with some guys. He’s in a pair of dark jeans and a light blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I don’t recognize most of the people he’s with, but I spot his friend Goose with his girlfriend, Melissa.