Everything Ben wanted to say was caught in his throat.
I still love you.
I also hate you.
I miss you too.
I dream about you.
You are the only one I want, and that makes me unbearably sad.
The last thought killed the remnants of Ben’s desire. “I’m going to investigate this,” he said. “And I’m not going to play favorites.”
She looked disappointed. “Fine. I don’t have anything to hide. Once you eliminate me as a suspect, we can work together.”
“That’s not how this is going to go.”
“On the contrary,” Tenzin said. “According to the deal we struck, we were going to work together through the end of Radu’s job. Since Radu’s job never really finished, then here we are. Business partners again.”
Dammit, she was right.
“I don’t think Radu invited you here because he wanted us working together.”
“Radu didn’t invite me at all,” Tenzin said. “Kezia did.” She reached for a colorful copy of a magazine entitled Birds & Blooms on the kitchenette table. “If you’ll excuse me, there’s an article about creating bee-friendly urban gardens I wanted to read.”
Ben backed out of the caravan, and Tenzin blew the door shut with a flick of her tiny hand.
22
“Where are you?” Chloe was practically yelling at him. “You were supposed to be in Rome two days ago. Do not do this to me again, Ben! Do I need to send Gavin after you?”
Ben put a hand over her mouth on the screen, but that just made the screen wobble. He pulled his hand away. “Chloe—”
“She told you not to go without Gavin, but did you listen? No! ‘She’s being dramatic, Chloe. She likes the attention.’ Do I need to call Giovanni?”
He rolled his eyes. “Of course you don’t.”
She held her hand up to her forehead. “Because I’ve had it up to here with both of you! It’s been two fucking years! The two of you love each other, and I know you have issues, but you refuse to talk. You just passive-aggressively lash out at everyone around you, and I’m sick—”
“Chloe!”
“What?”
Ben couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this pissed off. “Tenzin is here. We’re stuck in this very small camp together for three weeks. So your wish has been granted. We’ll either figure things out or we’ll kill each other. Happy?”
“I’m honestly fine with either outcome at this point.” She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Sick of it.”
“Up to here.” He held his fingers to his forehead. “I got it. I’m fine. She’s fine. Neither of us is in any danger, and we’re still working with Radu.”
“But the icon—”
“I can’t tell you all the details, but think of the icon as a kind of dry run. Now we’re working on the real deal.”
“The real deal? And you can’t tell me anything?”
“I can’t tell you what we’re after, but I can ask you to look into some names for me.”
Chloe pulled out a notebook. “You’re going to figure things out with Tenzin?”
“Yes. I can’t promise you it’s going to work out the way you want it to, but—”
“I don’t really care— No, that’s a lie. I want our happy family back in New York. I want my friends back. I want both of you to be happy. But I’m a big girl and I realize I don’t always get what I want.” She picked up a pen. “What do you need?”
He stared at her, the girl who’d been his first friend in high school, his first girlfriend, his first love, and then one of his best friends. “Chloe?”
“What?” She looked tired.
“I’m sorry we put you in the middle of our shit. I really love you and appreciate everything you do.”
She blinked hard. “You were gone for two years. And I know you glossed over a lot of the hard parts during that time. I don’t know if you’ve talked to Gavin or if you’ve talked with anyone—”
“I have. I promise.”
She nodded. “I love you both. I want you to be happy, and I just don’t understand…” She cleared her throat. “I don’t understand why you think you’re so different now, when to me you’re still the Ben Vecchio I always knew. You have fangs now, but you’re still you.”
“Thanks for saying that.” He didn’t feel the same. Not even close.
A tear slipped down Chloe’s cheek. “None of us could stand living without you. Is that so wrong?”
“No.”
“Okay.” She swiped at her eyes. “Give me names and as much background as you have and I’ll start searching.”
“Thanks.”
She probably wouldn’t find much, but she’d ask Gavin, who might give him more. He gave her the names and tasks to keep her busy and to make her feel like she was helping.
Chloe did help. She helped every time she called him Benny or teased him or reminded him he wasn’t the monster he saw in the mirror anytime he could bear to look at his reflection. She helped every time she prodded Ben and Tenzin to figure things out.
“You offered your love to me, then you demanded that I watch you die.”
Tenzin was right.
And she was wrong.
She was both those things at exactly the same time, and how did he reconcile that? How did he forgive a human impulse when the results were eternal?
He checked the time in Los Angeles and called Sadia.
Dema answered the video request. “It’s you.”
“Yes, it’s me. Is she there?”
“It’s almost dinnertime.”
“I won’t keep her on the screen too long.”
Dema nodded and stepped away. “Sadia, Ben is on the screen for you!”
Ben heard the thunder of miniature elephants; then Sadia was leaning on the little desk where her screen lived. “Ben!”
“Ciao, sorellina.”
“Ciao bello.” She rested her chubby little chin on her hand. “Where are you?”
“I don’t know exactly, but I’m very safe, so don’t worry.”
“Are you coming home soon? Baba said you were going to Rome. We can go to Rome and see you there if you want.”
He touched her flyaway hair on the screen, but just like with Chloe, the picture wobbled. “I’m working for the next three weeks.”
“Three weeks is long.”
“I know. I didn’t think it would be so long either. After that, I’ll try to come for a visit, okay?”
She sighed. “Okay. Is Tenzin with you?”
“Yeah, actually she is.”
“Where?” Sadia’s eyes lit up. “She didn’t call me back, but I sent her a picture of me on my bike.”
“She’s not here, here, but—”
“Can you get her?” Sadia stood and danced at her desk. “I want to see her.”
Of course you do.
“Okay,” he said. “How about tomorrow night? Would that work?”