“Yes.”
Ben opened his mouth and let his fangs slowly scrape against her skin. Her flesh prickled underneath his mouth. “Why don’t you want me to have sex with Kezia? We haven’t been together in over two years. Are you jealous?”
“I am… territorial.”
“Because you’ve taken my blood?”
“No, because you’ve taken mine.”
His mouth hovered over the silk skin where he’d bitten her two years before. He remembered the exact place. The exact taste. The instinct to sink his teeth into her neck and take her inside was overwhelming. He bathed in the scent of her skin, her blood, and her desire.
Ben let his breath wash over her, moving it down her body to touch every exposed inch. “I’m not the only vampire to ever take your blood.”
“No.”
“You had a mate once.”
Tenzin froze and her amnis retreated in a blink. She raised a hand and pushed Ben firmly away. The blank expression on her face unnerved him.
You are a shitty person. His conscience screamed at him, and he stepped away. Why had he said it? Why had he even brought it up? Because she’s not the jealous one; you are.
Yep. That was it.
Ben stood up straight. “Tenzin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought him up.”
She was quiet for a long time, staring into space. She didn’t seem upset; more pensive. “Stephen and I…”
He was such a dick. “It’s fine. It’s none of my business.”
She frowned. “Yes, it is.”
Ben didn’t know what to say.
“If you had a blood-bound mate in your past, I would consider it my business to know about that person,” Tenzin said. “To know why you were no longer bound.”
“I already know he died. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
Tenzin looked at Ben with a frown. “It wasn’t what you are thinking. Stephen and I cared for each other, but it was a strategic mating. A political marriage, if you want to think of it that way. I didn’t love him the way that Beatrice and Giovanni love. Not the way…”
Not the way what?
He shut up since he’d already made an ass of himself enough for one night. “I’m glad the two of you cared for each other. I’m sorry he died.”
“I’d been sleeping.” Her voice was soft. “For a long time I’d been sleeping. Stephen woke me up.” She smiled. “And he made me laugh.”
“That’s good.”
She kept her eyes on him, and Ben sat in the feeling he sometimes experienced in the silent space between waking and dreaming when he saw Tenzin’s image in his mind. Her expression moved from one second to the next between very young and indescribably ancient.
He sat with the knowledge that tempted and terrified him about forging something new and untested with her. If you know her, you will know everything.
29
Since Ben had run out of time after searching Kezia’s trailer, he followed Vano the next night. Ben chatted with Tatyana as they strolled through the camp. They talked, and he subtly steered her from one place to the next, always keeping his eyes on Vano.
“Where did you grow up?” she asked him.
“I thought you said I was famous.”
Tatyana shrugged. “You’re mildly famous now. No one really talks about your human years.”
“Really?” He watched Vano lift a Poshani child onto his back as he chatted with three burly men around a small fire. “I’m kind of bummed about that. I tried really hard to make a reputation for myself when I was human.”
“Why?” She sounded horrified.
“For business. It’s not easy being the human partner of a famous vampire.”
“You mean Tenzin?” Tatyana shrugged. “I don’t know that I would call her famous.”
“Infamous?”
Tatyana smirked. “Feared. Admired a little. But mostly feared.”
“Is it the military stuff in the past or the assassin thing?”
Tatyana’s eyes went wide. “Military stuff?”
Ben’s eyes followed Vano as he walked among the humans in the Poshani camp. “Don’t worry about the military stuff. She’s retired now. So it’s the assassin thing. I get that, but I know her. She’d never take a job to kill someone who was an innocent.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. She has a thing about powerless people.” He glanced at Tatyana. “Besides, what vampires do you know who are innocent?”
“Me of course.” She offered him half a smile. “You would not count yourself?”
“Innocent?” Ben thought about the man in Rome. About a thief in Shanghai who’d done nothing but get caught up with the wrong people. He thought about the hundreds of innocent bystanders he’d probably left in his wake, never wondering how they fared in the chaos he and Tenzin routinely left behind. “I’m far from innocent,” he said. “In fact, I might be the guiltiest one here. At least other vampires are honest about being monsters.”
Tatyana rolled her eyes. “Self-pity is so boring. You’ve been given riches, eternal life, a powerful sire, and a fierce mate who obviously loves you very much. Why on earth are you complaining? Think about the choices you have.”
Ben was watching Vano shake hands with two men with long beards and furtive expressions. They were wary, watching for errant eyes.
He hardly registered speaking. “I didn’t choose this.”
“What?”
Ben looked down and realized he’d said it out loud. Shit.
No denying it now. “I actually didn’t choose to be a vampire. I was dying and Tenzin took me to my sire, but I never chose to become a vampire.”
Tatyana didn’t look shocked. “So you lost one choice and gained a thousand others. I didn’t choose this life either; that is the nature of the world. We make the best of it, Ben Vecchio.”
Ben focused on Tatyana after Vano disappeared into one of the men’s camper van. “You didn’t choose this?”
“No.” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “Since you told me the truth, I will tell you. I was working for someone dangerous. I didn’t know they were dangerous at the time of course; I was only a bookkeeper. Such a boring job, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I found something unusual that ended up being a big deal.” Her expression was bitter. “My sire changed me to keep her secret. So I would have to be loyal to her.”
“Where is your sire now?”
“Dead.” Tatyana’s expression cleared. “Oleg killed her, but I helped.” Then Tatyana gave Ben the first true smile he’d seen from her. “That feels very good to say.”
“That you helped to kill your sire?”
“Yes. She was a horrible person, and I’m glad she’s dead.” Tatyana took a deep, cleansing breath. “Yes, that feels very good.”
“Glad I could help.”
She looked around at their surroundings. “And I’m glad I could help give you cover while you followed Vano. Do you want to tell me why you’ve been watching him?”