“She asked if she could hold her, and when she gave her back to me, I noticed she was crying.”
“Did she say why?”
“She didn’t, and I didn’t feel like I should ask.”
“Could be just emotional overload after the fire. I’ve found myself in tears a few times thinking about what happened, what could’ve happened, what I might’ve missed. The worst part was knowing how tortured you’d be after what you went through after losing Jack. I hated doing that to you.”
“Thank you for not dying. I very much appreciate that.”
He gave a soft laugh that he instantly regretted. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“All kidding aside, I love you. And I can’t wait for you to feel better so we can get back to normal in all ways.”
“I love you, too, and I can’t wait either. We’re going to make up for all this lost time, so you’d better rest up.”
Dani laughed and kissed his chest. “Get some sleep, tiger.”
Lucas gave a low growl and kissed her forehead. He wasn’t sure how he would survive until he could do much more than that.
Tonight has been interesting, Amanda thought on the drive home to Landon’s on dark winding roads. After he’d told her about Fred hanging out in the middle of roadways, Amanda found herself keeping a lookout for him even if she couldn’t see anything beyond the beam of the headlights. The fear that they might smash into a huge moose was better than thinking about the things she’d learned about Landon in the last few hours or the mini meltdown she’d experienced while holding Savannah.
About Landon… Of course she’d understood that a handsome, sexy, charming man like him—and his equally adorable twin brother—would be popular with women, but to see it firsthand… That’d been rather jarring.
She’d be lying if she didn’t admit that it had given her pause to see a woman throw herself at him and kiss him right in front of her, or to witness the behavior of the server at the pizza place. Though she’d played it down with him, it had rattled her, especially after the big step forward they’d taken together earlier.
Was spending this time with him going to turn out to be another huge mistake?
She didn’t know, and that uncertainty had thrown her off-balance.
“Could I ask you something?” he said as he navigated the winding roads that led to home. His home. Not hers. She had no home to call her own, which was another thing that felt wrong since the fire.
“Sure.”
“When you came out of Savannah’s room, you looked really sad and maybe like you’d been crying. Were you sad?”
“A little.”
“Because of the fire?”
She shook her head.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I… Not really, but I will. I’ll tell you.”
He reached for her hand. “You don’t have to.”
“I know.”
When they got home, he came around to get her again, taking care as he had all evening to make sure she could safely navigate the treacherous terrain with her bad ankle. She held on tightly to the arm he offered and walked slowly toward the front door.
They removed their shoes inside the door. Landon hung their coats and immediately went to tend to the fire.
Amanda sat on the sofa and removed her sock to take a look at her ankle, which was far more swollen than it had been earlier. It was also badly bruised, from her ankle to her toes. Ugh.
“That looks painful,” Landon said.
“It doesn’t feel good.”
“I’ll get you some ice.” He went into the kitchen, grabbed the ice pack she’d been using from the freezer and returned with that and a chilled glass of the Chardonnay she enjoyed.
“Thank you,” she said, taking the wineglass from him.
“Welcome.” He positioned a sofa pillow on the table for her foot and placed the ice pack over her ankle. “Does that feel okay?”
“Feels good.”
“Need anything else?”
“Nope. I’m good.”
He went back to the kitchen, got a beer from the fridge and came to sit next to her on the sofa, turning so he was facing her. “I’m sorry about the shitshow that tonight turned into.”
She blinked and gave him a blank look. “What happened?”
Sighing, he said, “You know what I mean. Don’t make me say it.”
“Okay, I won’t.”
He reached for her hand and linked his fingers with hers. “I’m sorry you were sad at Dani’s.”
“It happens sometimes. I, um…” She took a drink of wine and glanced at him, trying to find the courage to tell him something she rarely told anyone. “When I was seventeen, I had a baby.”
“Oh. Wow.”
“I gave her up for adoption because I was too young to care for her properly. My mom had me when she was almost forty, and after having essentially raised two families, because my siblings were so much older than me. She said she didn’t have it in her to do it again.”
“What about the father?”
“He was a one-time mistake at a teenage party at a time when all my friends were losing their virginities. I was under the mistaken belief that I wouldn’t be ‘cool’ if I held on to mine. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, and the result was just… It was devastating.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“Thanks.” She wiped away tears that materialized any time she thought about that time in her life. “Holding Savannah was wonderful, but it was also a reminder of that time. I’m just a mixed-up emotional mess since the fire reminded me of all the things I’ve failed to do because I’ve been so busy avoiding anything that could ever hurt me like that did.”
“That’s understandable.”
“Maybe,” she said, shrugging. “But it’s no way to live. Thus my desire to go a little wild and shake things up.”
“Do you know anything about her or her life?”
“I get pictures once a year. She’s a beautiful twelve-year-old named Stella, with my hair and her father’s green eyes. She’s into soccer and dance and lost her adoptive father to a heart attack when she was seven. They’ve moved around a lot, but overall, she seems to have a good life in Albany, New York. It helps me to know she’s happy, and at some point, when she’s ready, her mother knows I’d welcome hearing from her.”
“I’m so glad you’re able to know how she is.”
“Me, too. Adoption has come a long way from the days when it was locked down and mothers could never know anything about the babies they gave up.”
“It’s better this way. For everyone.”
“I agree.”
“I really appreciate you telling me. I know it’s probably not something you tell just anyone, and I’m honored you told me.”
“I’m glad you know. If you’re wondering why I’m such a weirdo, that might give you some insight.”
“I don't think you’re a weirdo. Not at all.”
“I’m well aware of the fact that I can be difficult to get to know. I’m far more cautious than I used to be.”