“Can I have an order of cream puffs?”
“Do you have cream puff money, Xari?” I looked at the phone like I was speaking to a stranger. Who was this woman?
“No, Mom. I can’t even afford to live in this apartment. Oh my god, why did y’all let me rent this place? It’s so expensive. How was I ever supposed to afford it?”
“Your father mentioned that to you but you told him you’d find a way or did you forget about that?”
“Okay, thanks for rubbing that in my face. Have fun at dinner.”
“Thanks, sweetie.”
She really hung up. Just like that.
Everything crashed down around my ears and I felt helpless. It wasn’t like all of this hadn’t been staring me in the face ever since I was offered the Julliard scholarship though.
Even though I was fifteen at the time, Mom and Dad sat down and told me by the time I graduated with my bachelor's degree, I’d be a grown woman and they’d have higher expectations even though I was still their little girl.
I should have taken their warnings seriously. Navy told me to look for a solid job while I was still in school but I brushed her off. Evidently, I’d brushed everyone off that ever made even a lick of damn sense.
I was living high off my accomplishments in school though. Nobody did what I’d done at such a young age. I played the French horn, the piano, the violin, and a multitude of other instruments but the harp was my true love. I’d been on so many talk shows and morning news spots that I’d lost count. I was the epitome of a child prodigy. I was used to being fawned over.
Having the rug snatched from under me was foreign. It made me feel ordinary and basic. It made me feel like…Navy.
Now, don’t get me wrong…my big sister is kick-ass but she had to fight tooth and nail for everything she got. Nothing came easy to her and when we were little, she used to resent the fuck out of me for just…knowing things.
Navy was dyslexic in school and by the time Mom and Dad realized it, she’d already started to force herself to work twice as hard as everyone else because she thought she just didn’t understand things. She’d sit up for hours reading a book over and over when I could just flip through it once and practically memorize.
She had to stand by while I got all sorts of offers based on my reputation alone while she had to work her ass off to even get an invite. I understood why I got under her skin. That didn’t stop me from looking up to her though. She was still my big sister. I admired how hard she fought for everything.
Now, being thrust into the real world as Dad called it, I felt like I’d have to work twice as hard to be where Navy seemed to effortlessly be in life. For the first time, I was the one who didn’t get it. Sonatas and concertos were walks in the park for me but bills and budgets? They were foreign and dangerous. I wanted no parts of them.
When I stood from the couch, my stone shoulders tugged at my body. It didn’t matter. I had to relieve some stress.
I walked to the huge floor to ceiling window facing the street and lit all fifteen of my candles. I loved the flicker of the flame and the soft aura of heat candles put off. They lulled me into a state of peace no matter where I was or what was going on.
After they were lit, I sat at my stool and looked up at my well-played Lyons & Healy harp, which I’d affectionately named Sunshine. It had been mine ever since I was ten years old. I was barely big enough to play properly but I managed. I grew up with Sunshine. It was as much a part of me as my fingers.
I rolled my shoulders, loosening the muscles, then shut my eyes and plucked the strings. Music filled the air and the fine hairs on my arms stood on end. That never got old. That’s how I knew the harp was my true love. Nothing else made my hairs stand up that way.
Maybe if I played long enough, all my problems would melt into the sea and wash away. Or maybe that was me being my usual delusional self, swept away by the music.
…
TWO
“Senator Evander Freeman, I hereby grant you full custody of Francesca Freeman. I have taken into consideration Francesca’s wishes along with my best judgment. Miss Freeman, you’re still allowed to see your child as Senator Freeman sees fit. At your request, Senator, visitation will be handled between the two of you.” Judge Parker looked between Alexis and me then closed his folder and stood from the table. “If we’re all done here, everyone is dismissed. Have a good day.”
I begged for us not to have to set foot in a courtroom because I knew it would only bring down more drama and publicity on our heads. I didn’t want that for me, Frankie or Alexis even though she got on my damn nerves.
“Well, I hope you’re happy now, Van. You got what you wanted and I look like a horrible mother in the process. Wonderful.” Alexis stood from the table and smoothed out imaginary wrinkles on her white Burberry wrap dress then shot a deceitfully pleasant smile at me. “So, I guess you’ll let me know when I can see my own daughter, Van?”
“I will. It’ll probably be once I determine if you’re able to sit your ass down long enough to spend time with her instead of taking her out of school so you can go on vacation and then leaving her in a hotel room for days without answering your phone.” It was a sharp and low blow. I knew it. I didn’t care.
When Frankie called me from Barcelona crying, I knew it was time for me to assume full custody. She’d been cooped up in a hotel for three days and couldn’t get in contact with Alexis. The fact that my ex-wife didn’t take it seriously really pissed me off.
“Any other twelve-year-old would have been ecstatic to be alone in Barcelona. I was giving her freedom,” she’d said. Bullshit. Alexis was partying and knew she couldn’t bring a kid with her so she dumped our daughter in a hotel under the guise of a fun experience. She could have called me. I would have gladly watched Frankie. That would have meant admitting to her irresponsible parenting though.
Alexis blinked at my words. The muscles in her face tightened…or maybe it was the Botox injections. Whatever it was, I saw her expression harden.
“Fuck you, Van. I don’t have to stand here and listen to you insult me in front of our daughter.” She snatched her Chanel purse from the conference table and hooked it over her shoulder. “You come in here with your little judge friends, getting them to grant you full custody when you know damn well if you weren’t a senator, they wouldn’t have even heard your argument.” She slid a pair of sunglasses on her heavily sculpted face and glared at me from behind the lenses. “You can’t keep her from me.”
“I’m not trying to. I just want her to be able to go to school like a normal kid. Not hanging out in Barcelona. Alone and afraid.”
“She was not afraid. Please spare me that shit.”
“She sure sounded afraid when she called me at three in the morning crying, Alexis.” I frowned. “You know what? I don’t know why I always let you pull me down to your level. We’re done here. Contact me when you’re in town long enough to see Frankie.” I looked at my daughter, who bore the red cheeks of embarrassment, and cursed myself for acting that way in front of her. “Come on, sweetie let’s go.”
“Mom, I’m sorry,” Frankie said softly before we left the room.